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Step-parenting

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Partner spoiling his child therefore putting a strain on our relationship.

203 replies

Laurah356 · 15/12/2021 13:26

So I've been with my partner just over a year now. All was well at the start but my partners parenting techniques is putting a strain on our relationship. His son (5) is very wild which ok is probably normal in children I don't have children of my own but I've had a big part in raising my niece (7) and nephew (3) and they're very well behaved and know manners. His son has to be reminded constantly about saying please and thank yous and not to snatch. He's currently going through a phase of not wanting proper food and screams the place down and refuses to eat (ofc his dad has to then cook other meals mainly fatty foods, sausages, chicken nuggets etc but when he's with his mom she says he eats whatever she's eating baked potatoes, fish pies, Sunday dinners etc. He also pretends to cry like ALOT to get his dad's attention over little things such as last night because he didn't have a basketball to play with, I told my partner to ignore his tantrums but he said he couldn't bring himself to do that. Low and behold today his dad has brought him a basketball! I told him that's not what you do as now he thinks he can get everything he wants by throwing tantrums. He's very cheeky and calls me stupid and I reply by telling him "I dont appreciate that" and that word should not be said in my home I then proceed to ignore him which helps a little but then after a day or two he starts again. I've also told his dad he needs to start doing educational things with him as he's too distracted and his school has said he needs extra support with his learning, my partner believes his son should do what makes him happy but when he plays up you can see the frustration in my partners face. I told him today he needs to parent differently to what he is now but it makes me feel awful having to tell him this.

OP posts:
SoSickOfItNow · 15/12/2021 13:33

Are you planning on having children with him?

needmoreshinys · 15/12/2021 13:34

Butt out, stop giving him "parenting" advice. Raising a niece and nephew is very different from your own children, raising your own children is very different from someone else raising theirs.

You don't say but are you living together?

There could be a lot going on in the child's head, at the moment and he could be very confused.

So one more time butt out, let your partner parent how he wants and if you cant handle it leave the relationship

Laurah356 · 15/12/2021 13:34

Also forgot to mention he's recently started to act out when going to bed at mine as he wants his dad to sleep in his bed, so when his son is over I'm left to sleep alone.

OP posts:
Laurah356 · 15/12/2021 13:37

His child is very aware of the fact his dad is with me now and says he loves coming to our place and doesn't like sleeping at his mom's but also says the same to his mom as he knows how to get a reaction out of people, that's why I tell his dad to ignore the tantrums. I have been thinking about leaving the relationship.

OP posts:
Laurah356 · 15/12/2021 13:38

@SoSickOfItNow

Are you planning on having children with him?
Nope not at this moment in time. He says that why his last relationship broke up as his ex parented alot differently to his.
OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 15/12/2021 13:39

Firstly maybe he wants to spend time with his df why is he sleeping at yours? It sounds like reacting negatively to you so maybe wise to take a step back and let them spend alone together. Having nieces and nephews is totally different to be a parent full time and they don't have to deal with a new person in their life who isn't their parent.

BurntO · 15/12/2021 13:42

Don’t be with someone who has kids if this is how you feel. Everyone does things their own way. Regarding the basketball, it’s a pretty trivial matter that has nothing to do with you, especially after a year, especially if you aren’t their parent and especially when you don’t have kids.

EezyOozy · 15/12/2021 13:43

Poor little boy. It sounds like he is struggling. What he eats is none of your business. You refer to the house as "MY HOUSE". Does his dad live there too? If so it's the little boys home while he is there. Tread carefully op. You don't have kids, this little boy is probably just wanting to spend some time with his dad. You don't sound like you like him very much. Try to be kind to him, try to understand what it must be like to be him, and if you can't you're probably not cut out to be a step parent.

Laurah356 · 15/12/2021 13:44

@Bananarama21

Firstly maybe he wants to spend time with his df why is he sleeping at yours? It sounds like reacting negatively to you so maybe wise to take a step back and let them spend alone together. Having nieces and nephews is totally different to be a parent full time and they don't have to deal with a new person in their life who isn't their parent.
I'm out of the house from 12 til 8pm as I work fulltime. His father doesn't really take him places other than my sisters to play with her kids. I do encourage him to take him more. He tells his mom and dad that he likes me and we do bond from time to time but it's hard to bond when he's throwing tantrums over every little thing.
OP posts:
EezyOozy · 15/12/2021 13:44

Low and behold today his dad has brought him a basketball! I told him that's not what you do

It's NONE of your business! You haven't raised children, and even if you had, it's still
none of your business.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 15/12/2021 13:45

@Laurah356

Also forgot to mention he's recently started to act out when going to bed at mine as he wants his dad to sleep in his bed, so when his son is over I'm left to sleep alone.
Makes sense you're only a year in. I'd maybe see your partner when he's not with his kid for a bit and see if it's worth it.
KylieKoKo · 15/12/2021 13:46

OP I noticed there are a lot of "I told him"s in your post. You are his partner not his parent. He doesn't have to change his parenting just because you told him to. You sound quite bossy and controlling. It isn't up to you how your partner parents his child.

I think you need to separate out behaviour that directly impacts you (such as calling you stupid) and things that are none of your business (such as whether or not his dad does educational things with him).

Take a step back! The first rule of step parenting is not to care about issues that the parents don't. It is overbearing and will damage your relationship.

Bananarama21 · 15/12/2021 13:46

He also pretends to cry like ALOT to get his dad's attention over little things such as last night because he didn't have a basketball to play with, I told my partner to ignore his tantrums but he said he couldn't bring himself to do that. Low and behold today his dad has brought him a basketball! I told him that's not what you do as now he thinks he can get everything he wants by throwing tantrums. He's very cheeky and calls me stupid and I reply by telling him "I dont appreciate that" and that word should not be said in my home I then proceed to ignore him which helps a little but then after a day or two he starts again

Your words suggest otherwise. Your a new gf he should be spending time with his father spectate he's crying for attention and says your stupid that doesn't sound like a child who likes someone.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 15/12/2021 13:46

I think at the moment unless it affects you, ie. Being rude to you then you just need to let him parent how he sees fit

Laurah356 · 15/12/2021 13:47

My home is not the problem he spends nearly all day with his dad and tells him he wants to live there fulltime. I do like him I don't hate on kids! I brought him a new outfit yesterday which he was very thankful for and he loved it.

OP posts:
Imam0 · 15/12/2021 13:47

I can't comment on much of the other stuff.. But ignoring a small child is exceptionally mean. You don't have children of your own, therefore you cannot comment on his parenting techniques.. Assisting in the upbringing of your niece and nephew is nowhere near in comparison.
Your partners son just sound likes he wants his father's attention and he's confused. Please don't be mean to him.

EezyOozy · 15/12/2021 13:48

Also forgot to mention he's recently started to act out when going to bed at mine as he wants his dad to sleep in his bed, so when his son is over I'm left to sleep alone.

This is normal (a 5 year old wanting to sleep with his dad under these circumstances) and there's nowt wrong with it.

penguinwithasuitcase · 15/12/2021 13:48

You've been together a year and the son is sleeping at your house instead of his father's?

Wooooah....

Imam0 · 15/12/2021 13:48

No disrespect either, you're not his step mum. Your dad's partner.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 15/12/2021 13:48

@Laurah356

My home is not the problem he spends nearly all day with his dad and tells him he wants to live there fulltime. I do like him I don't hate on kids! I brought him a new outfit yesterday which he was very thankful for and he loved it.
Hang on..so you can buy a new outfit but dad can't buy him a basketball?!
Bananarama21 · 15/12/2021 13:49

Sounds like too much too sound and he's reacting to the situation I have a 5 year old myself.

Laurah356 · 15/12/2021 13:49

No this is what I mean his father thinks its funny and doesn't say anything about his five year old saying these things. The boy cuddles me and always wants to play as I sometimes watch him alone while his dad works.

OP posts:
Laurah356 · 15/12/2021 13:50

I brought him a new outfit for school purposes as his dad tends to buy him toys rather than essentials.

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 15/12/2021 13:50

You sound very young and naive and can see why a 5 year old is reacting to a situation. Sleeping with df in a unfamiliar house is normal.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 15/12/2021 13:50

@KylieKoKo makes a good point. Who are you to tell him anything about bringing up his child?!

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