Redundant hubby, how do we afford Xmas?

Slythermum · 2021-12-04T03:58:00+00:00

Just some ideas please, Hubby has been made redundant as of next week, we have just paid out for expensive repairs on the roof. Literally no money to buy the kids Xmas presents. Stepkids don't appreciate anything they are bought, and most of last years presents were left on the floor unplayed with and it's the same every year, BUT they expect very expensive presents for Xmas (They get at least £600 spent on them at Xmas each at their mums) At this point, we are dealing with so much anxiety not sure what to even do :( *to add* I saved about £200 for my daughter's Xmas present - I don't want to have to split that between her and the step-siblings because she won't be getting much from her dad for Xmas, whereas they will be coming back from their mums with new games consoles and expensive clothes. Any suggestions welcome

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mummytotwoboys0600 · 04/12/2021 06:41

I'm so sorry to hear your in this situation especially at this time of year and the pressures of expensive gifts for children can hard.
I would most certainly be spending the £200 on just your daughter. Your step children have lots of gifts at their mums so they won't be going without.
Depending on how old the step children you could explain the situation.
Best of luck and I hope your hubby finds himself something really soon to take the pressure off financially xx

MeridianB · 04/12/2021 06:43

Sorry to hear this, OP. What a rough time of year for this to happen. Will he not get any severance?

How old are all the children? If they are old enough to understand then I’d be inclined to explain what’s happened and say this year, Christmas is going to different for all of us - we’ll each have one small gift.

I get that wealthy parents have the right to buy £600 worth of gifts per child but it really does sound OTT. This is a chance to re-set the whole thing.

And if any of the children complain, then a chat about the value and cost of things, how many hours of work it takes to pay for x, etc sounds well overdue. Presumably maintenance will now pause until your DH finds a new job?

Don’t be guilted or shamed into taking on credit for Christmas. Your living expenses now and in 2022 should be your main focus.

Wishing you luck.

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:14

No severance as he wasn't there long enough and it's been several redundancies with both him and my ex over the last ten years. AS partner of a man (ex or current) who works like a dog but still gets made redundant on the whim of independent bosses, I feel a terrible sadness for how I see it affecting his mental health. And I'm struggling with my own anxiety which keeps me from sleeping. My own workload is intense because I have to take every job that comes along whilst doing majority of childcare.

OP posts:

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:14

Kids are 10-14

OP posts:

Hercisback · 04/12/2021 07:17

You shouldn't be doing childcare if H is at home. There are jobs out there if he's willing to do anything.

I agree with PPs. Don't spend a lot on them, perhaps £20 each and explain why.

maddy68 · 04/12/2021 07:20

You need to treat them all the Same but with lower budgets.

£50 limit one ok present and lots of £1 shop stocking fillers so looks a lot and doesn't matter if they're lying around then.

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:23

@Hercisback

You shouldn't be doing childcare if H is at home. There are jobs out there if he's willing to do anything.

I agree with PPs. Don't spend a lot on them, perhaps £20 each and explain why.

He applied for over 150 jobs last time including bin men and delivery driver jobs. When he's home he does do childcare and he looks after his kids - he does loads. My child has a disability so I have to look after her a bit more than regular childcare. (different dad)

OP posts:

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:24

@maddy68

You need to treat them all the Same but with lower budgets.

£50 limit one ok present and lots of £1 shop stocking fillers so looks a lot and doesn't matter if they're lying around then.

Right now every pound matters :(

OP posts:

Joystir59 · 04/12/2021 07:26

They all get a small gift, including your daughter because that's fair. Just don't spend what you haven't got. Christmas can still be a celebration of you all being together, safe, healthy, able to start anew in the New Year.

Hercisback · 04/12/2021 07:28

I'd be looking into why he's finding it hard to keep so many jobs tbh. Perhaps he truly has been unlucky but applying for 150 jobs is extreme. Most hospitality businesses are desperate for staff, he could walk into a bar job tomorrow.

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:30

I'm her full time parent whereas Step kids are with us every other weekend, so I don't want to take money from her present to split between them, it isn't fair when they will have heaps of presents from their other parent. If we were just to spend between £20-40 on the stepkids, what would be a good gift that isn't rubbish? Neither of them read and they have zero attention span.

OP posts:

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:31

@Hercisback

I'd be looking into why he's finding it hard to keep so many jobs tbh. Perhaps he truly has been unlucky but applying for 150 jobs is extreme. Most hospitality businesses are desperate for staff, he could walk into a bar job tomorrow.

I doubt you were out looking for a job at age 60 at the start of lockdown. Don't be so judgmental when you aren't walking in our shoes.

OP posts:

Cattitudes · 04/12/2021 07:32

At those ages I would hope that they would understand and presumably they understand your dd has different needs. Can you get any (additional) benefits? Can you get referred to a charity who give out Christmas presents, just a few nice bits then pad it out with some favourite foods.

For example ds loves crispy onion sprinkles but they are a treat in the household and he loves getting a tub for Christmas that he doesn't have to share, even though it is mainly him that eats the shared ones anyway and he does usually offer some around. It is just the perception that they are his.

Hercisback · 04/12/2021 07:35

I'm not being judgemental. It sounds like he's had a tough time of it and a lot of bad luck. I hadn't realised he was job searching at the start of lockdown, yes times were very tough then. The market is different now.

Heronwatcher · 04/12/2021 07:36

I’d buy a small present for them all (£10 each) but then make it special by doing stuff, like a trip to a beach for fish and chips if you’re not too far, board games, walk to look at Christmas lights or a train trip. Your daughter doesn’t need £200 spending on her, she won’t care, and frankly I don’t think in your financial position you should put most of it in the bank in case of another emergency. Depending on when her birthday is you can treat her then if your situation has improved.

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:37

@Cattitudes

At those ages I would hope that they would understand and presumably they understand your dd has different needs. Can you get any (additional) benefits? Can you get referred to a charity who give out Christmas presents, just a few nice bits then pad it out with some favourite foods.

For example ds loves crispy onion sprinkles but they are a treat in the household and he loves getting a tub for Christmas that he doesn't have to share, even though it is mainly him that eats the shared ones anyway and he does usually offer some around. It is just the perception that they are his.

This is a genius idea as although I don't think we would use a charity as there are people in far more need, I think the personal special foodstuffs are the answer. Maybe I could make labels too - even give them a decorated shelf in one of the food cupboards that is their own.

One of things that was getting me down is that in previous years I've easily spent a couple of hundred quid on them for presents they didn't care about or play with after begging for them. This last two years have been devastating with bereavements and other awful personal challenges. I can't face spending money on something they won't appreciate.

OP posts:

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:39

@Hercisback

I'm not being judgemental. It sounds like he's had a tough time of it and a lot of bad luck. I hadn't realised he was job searching at the start of lockdown, yes times were very tough then. The market is different now.

Sorry didn't mean to snap. I've been up all night anxious. With all this stuff there's a lot of crap to unpack, a lot of different emotions. I really do hope the job situation is different now. Problem is at his age he gets overlooked for younger men. x

OP posts:

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:40

@Heronwatcher

I’d buy a small present for them all (£10 each) but then make it special by doing stuff, like a trip to a beach for fish and chips if you’re not too far, board games, walk to look at Christmas lights or a train trip. Your daughter doesn’t need £200 spending on her, she won’t care, and frankly I don’t think in your financial position you should put most of it in the bank in case of another emergency. Depending on when her birthday is you can treat her then if your situation has improved.

Experiences are a really good idea. DD doesn't care, but I'd saved it for a laptop as she needs a new one for homeschooling when they have to learn from home. x

OP posts:

Heronwatcher · 04/12/2021 07:41

Also you don’t sound like you like your step kids much at all in either of your posts- would you say you have a good relationship with them? I could suggest loads of gifts for less than £30 for kids which they would love. Didn’t they write a list? Did you or your partner ask what they would like- there must be some smaller stuff on there. Don’t use this as an excuse to favour your own child as they will definitely notice.

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:43

Thank you everyone for your suggestions and support. I'm scared, upset, anxious, a bit lost and f*ck me, thinking why does it keep happening. I watched my dad lose one job after another (he was a hardworking black bricklayer) I feel sometimes like it's torture for hardworking men.

OP posts:

ToughTittyWhompus · 04/12/2021 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:45

@Heronwatcher

Also you don’t sound like you like your step kids much at all in either of your posts- would you say you have a good relationship with them? I could suggest loads of gifts for less than £30 for kids which they would love. Didn’t they write a list? Did you or your partner ask what they would like- there must be some smaller stuff on there. Don’t use this as an excuse to favour your own child as they will definitely notice.

I mostly love them but they are spoilt. So the loving gets spoilt by the spoiltness.

OP posts:

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Gearedtoyou · 04/12/2021 07:49

The year DSs were 8 &10 DH lost his job the first week in Dec and I lost mine the 2nd week.

It was very stressful at the time but actually it was a useful reset. A reminder of what's really important and one of our best Christmases.

I went through our direct debits and cancelled everything that wasn't essential

I had a good clear out and did a lot of Ebaying. Part used perfumes sold ridiculously well, as did shoes!

DC did get on main present each, but nowhere near as expensive as usual. Everything else was things I'd have to buy anyway or things that were already in the house. I wrapped up lunch box treats and "special" cereals. Stockings were made up from things left over from birthday party bags, with the addition of cans of drink, biscuits etc

We did no paid for Christmas activities or eating out at all, but spent the time going for walks, playing board games, cooking and baking together etc

Adults didn't get any presents except what DC made for them. (Which made some activities in the week before Christmas)

Don't waste money on £1 junk!

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:50

@Heronwatcher

Also you don’t sound like you like your step kids much at all in either of your posts- would you say you have a good relationship with them? I could suggest loads of gifts for less than £30 for kids which they would love. Didn’t they write a list? Did you or your partner ask what they would like- there must be some smaller stuff on there. Don’t use this as an excuse to favour your own child as they will definitely notice.

Today I tidied their room and had to put three boxes of discarded toys in the charity bag. So 20-40 quid on something brilliant is better than all the stuff I've wasted money on for the last few years. x All suggestions are great.

OP posts: