Redundant hubby, how do we afford Xmas?

[Slythermum]

Just some ideas please, Hubby has been made redundant as of next week, we have just paid out for expensive repairs on the roof. Literally no money to buy the kids Xmas presents. Stepkids don't appreciate anything they are bought, and most of last years presents were left on the floor unplayed with and it's the same every year, BUT they expect very expensive presents for Xmas (They get at least £600 spent on them at Xmas each at their mums) At this point, we are dealing with so much anxiety not sure what to even do :(

to add I saved about £200 for my daughter's Xmas present - I don't want to have to split that between her and the step-siblings because she won't be getting much from her dad for Xmas, whereas they will be coming back from their mums with new games consoles and expensive clothes.

Any suggestions welcome

It was this one

And the bath bomb box was this one

Some of these comments are grossly unfair.

You are a heroine, OP - doing a phenomenal job of trying to keep everyone happy, and in difficult circumstances.

I get that you’re exhausted and scared. You’re having to contend with massive challenges, ones compounded by the holidays.

Do what you can, and try to look after yourself a bit, if possible.

Sending you big hugs.

I wouldn't normally encourage anyone to get into debt, but companies like Very do lots of buy now pay later promotions, and also often offer a hefty discount off your first order. If you kept spends fairly low, say £50 per child, you could probably buy now and pay later, and then even when you do have to pay you could pay it in instalments over several months. And your DH may well have a job by then anyway.

Then you could use the £200 for the laptop, separately, to be given before or after Xmas as PP on here have suggested.

Would he consider night shift work, there are vacancies in warehouses and at the local airport for nights as it’s unpopular. I know nightshifts aren’t great but just as a stop gap. Sorry your having such a hard time.

@dustandfluf because Evil Stepmother even if that woman is also a mother!

@BoobsOnTheMoon

It was this one

And the bath bomb box was this one

Ah, these are great. Might get them all a subscription. Brilliant!

If your daughter is expecting the laptop you could tell her that you are going to wait for the new year sales to get that, so she gets small presents like the other kids and enjoys a day of games and eating nice things.
So sorry you are going through this and hope things pick up soon. 🌺

If you like the baking box then make your own, it will be a lot cheaper as you aren't paying for the intermediary profit.

If you lost your job would it be ok with you for your DH to spend the usual amount on his children and for your daughter to get only a much smaller, cheaper token gift?

If that’s how you split your finances (separate pots and you both just pay for yourself and your own kids) then your plan to treat your daughter and not the step kids is fine. If you usually work finances as a family then the family pot is smaller this year.

Does your daughter get DLA ? If not could you apply ? Then you could use family fund to get the laptop? If she's an EHCP push school to provide one.

Any toys that are in good condition sell, someone will want a cheap Xmas present and you can use the money for something else.

@PerseverancePays

If your daughter is expecting the laptop you could tell her that you are going to wait for the new year sales to get that, so she gets small presents like the other kids and enjoys a day of games and eating nice things. So sorry you are going through this and hope things pick up soon. 🌺

She won't mind at all. She's very thoughtful and sensitive. She's basically Beth from Little Women

Oh and @Slythermum I hope you are claiming DLA for your DD! And UC disabled child element if possible.

I hate threads like this OP as it seems to just dwindle into step parent bashing. Let’s be very clear about something. Step children are entitled to a completely equal split of everything your DH has! They are not entitled to a equal split of everything you have, anyone than your DD is entitled to an equal share of your SC’s mums money.

If the £200 you’ve saved is your money then spend it on your DD or however the hell you like! If it’s shared money with your DH then yes you’ll need to share it out regardless of how much the SC get elsewhere!

I wouldn't split it evenly, because the step kids will get their main present from mum.bid spend the £ 200 as intended on her laptop, as she needs it. I'd buy buy a token present £20 per step child. I'd also explain to them now, what's happening that affects this year's present, so they understand.

*anymore

@TyrannosaurusRights

If you lost your job would it be ok with you for your DH to spend the usual amount on his children and for your daughter to get only a much smaller, cheaper token gift?

If that’s how you split your finances (separate pots and you both just pay for yourself and your own kids) then your plan to treat your daughter and not the step kids is fine. If you usually work finances as a family then the family pot is smaller this year.

I'm the main carer and provider for my daughter.

His children get approx £600 spent on them at their mums each at Xmas, he is not the main carer.

@BoobsOnTheMoon

Oh and *@Slythermum* I hope you are claiming DLA for your DD! And UC disabled child element if possible.

Nothing for her (ASD, HIgh functioning)

Children need to learn they can't have everything they want and its a good lesson to learn for life.
People who think they are entitled to have things grow up to have massive credit card debt.
I didn't have any of this stuff as a child of a single mum in the 60's and I was fine, appreciated small things.
You need to tell them the situation and say xmas is going to be different this year and why.
Make it fun in other ways, nice food, games and so on.
Xmas is really out of control now and people are made to feel like rubbish for not being able to afford big expensive gifts, its ridiculous.

Slythermum don't listen to the nasty snidey jibes OP. Step kids and own kids do not need to be treated equally. That is not real world reality. They need to be treated fairly.

That means in times of financial hardship 'need' outstrips 'want' .

Your SC will receive numerous presents and quite frankly doesn't matter where those presents are received from. It is an important that the Step children's presents are from their mother. They could come from their grandparents, aunts uncles or the next-door neighbour. The fact is they have presents.

Your daughter does not have the same indulgence. She does however NEED a laptop and YOU have saved for it. Your daughters stepfather being made redundant, should not mean that her present is abandoned in favour of sharing the money amongst children who already have plenty

Equal no. Fair yes.

Hello everyone.

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread and so we're posting here as we usually do with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. We strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon. In the meantime, you might find some useful information on our guide for dealing with financial difficulty. Happy Christmas from MNHQ.

My son has a stepmum. Very nice woman who bakes and does crafty things with him. She can’t work due to a disability. My son always talks about how much fun he has there due to all the (low cost) things her and my ex husband do with him (ex in low paid job). He knows he will get different types of presents there as they have a smaller budget. So he’s been taught to be grateful for what he gets. No chance you can get mum on board to support you?

Can you sell all those toys you mention from the charity bag?

It's worth looking at the family fund and other charities that are helping with laptops for home schooling/education purposes. Are there any charities for your daughter's disability and do they offer grants? No harm in applying and if you can get a laptop this route it leaves more money in the pot.