Redundant hubby, how do we afford Xmas?

[Slythermum]

Just some ideas please, Hubby has been made redundant as of next week, we have just paid out for expensive repairs on the roof. Literally no money to buy the kids Xmas presents. Stepkids don't appreciate anything they are bought, and most of last years presents were left on the floor unplayed with and it's the same every year, BUT they expect very expensive presents for Xmas (They get at least £600 spent on them at Xmas each at their mums) At this point, we are dealing with so much anxiety not sure what to even do :(

to add I saved about £200 for my daughter's Xmas present - I don't want to have to split that between her and the step-siblings because she won't be getting much from her dad for Xmas, whereas they will be coming back from their mums with new games consoles and expensive clothes.

Any suggestions welcome

Get your daughter the laptop but not as a Xmas present. Get it now or after Xmas. Then spend equal amount on the actual Christmas presents

@Newcomer68

Whst a rotten time of year for this to happen and it sounds like you and your other half have had some really bad luck. I've never understood, and never will, how some people just bounce through life with all the luck and how some of us have to fight for every scrap.

Anyway, for this Christmas, I don't know if you've looked at any of the Christmas threads about doing it on a budget but there are some brilliant ideas on there. Most of them involve experiences or very low cost things - a nice walk, singing carols or Christmas songs together, and have some great ideas for very low cost gifts.

Sorry if I'm suggesting something you've already done, by the way, I just know every time I take another peek at the boards I see more good ideas.

And I really hope things improve for you all as far as they can, very soon.

Thank you for this. I'll have a look at those boards. I've just come off an all-night shift - and now looking after everyone else is emotional and exhausting. I watched my father go from job to job with endless misery until he gave up and lived homeless. Most people don't understand what it means to never feel secure.

We had Christmases when my husband was out of work and we had to buy second hand presents. I remember getting a second hand bike and refurbishing it and funnily enough one of their most favourite presents was a second hand small size snooker table.

It does not matter what they get elsewhere , if you can’t afford a lot then that’s the situation. Most children would rather just be spending time with you anyway .

It’s ridiculous the amount of money and toys they get. I would rather do trips out with them anyway.

@Heronwatcher

Just a thought- have you thought about why your step kids boast or engage in oneupmanship? Could it be because they feel insecure? It’s very unlikely to be to cause deliberate hurt to you, there’s going to be something deeper there, to do with your DP. Or it’s a leant behaviour from other members of the family. Even more reason though to take the focus away from gifts and just try to spend quality time and have a bit of fun.

Yes this is interesting because they can be very sweet, but they boast and argue and just generally act out. I try to not get too involved any more in that side of things because I've got too much on my plate.

Yep give all kids the same things on xmas and give the laptop to your DD at a later day. Your ideas sound great.
We have also had great success with games on xmas day that don’t cost anything but are silly and xmas related. Last year we played- 2 minutes to write down as many words as you can find in “reindeer”. 2 mins to think of something xmas related for each letter in the alphabet and hold a piece of paper behind your back and tear it into the shape of a xmas tree. I also bought a pack of candy canes, tied a ribbon between 2 dining chairs and we took turns at standing on one of the chairs and dropping the candy canes so they hooked on the ribbon. You could do a scavenger hunt walk and come home and share sone hot chocolate. It’s possible to create sone special memories without spending a lot
Is there a temp agency where you live? I’d suggest that DH sign up there. If he does get him to ring them frequently and politely ask if there is any work. My brother did that and because he was keen and reliable he was the first person they called. Even if he only gets a couple of days a week at least it’s something while he looks for something permanent

I hope he is able to find something soon

@Slythermum

Actually it's also ok to not like your stepkids at Christmas! Just because of the boasting and the one-upmanship. I think I'm going with the shelf of their own, special food stuff they like and a cinema trip (or something covid friendly) as an experience. DD is still getting her laptop. No more discarded toys.

Is it oneupmanship or is that you projecting insecurity/jealousy because you can’t afford to provide your child the same way SCs Mum does for them?

Need to reign it in, it’s not a competition. Who cares who buys what for who, best thing to do is give them some money each and say you’ll spend the day with them.

You could create 12 Christmas vouchers for them each, they can use one each month next year for an activity of their choice: eg cinema, soft play etc. Dependent on age of child obviously.

@Rainbowqueeen

Yep give all kids the same things on xmas and give the laptop to your DD at a later day. Your ideas sound great. We have also had great success with games on xmas day that don’t cost anything but are silly and xmas related. Last year we played- 2 minutes to write down as many words as you can find in “reindeer”. 2 mins to think of something xmas related for each letter in the alphabet and hold a piece of paper behind your back and tear it into the shape of a xmas tree. I also bought a pack of candy canes, tied a ribbon between 2 dining chairs and we took turns at standing on one of the chairs and dropping the candy canes so they hooked on the ribbon. You could do a scavenger hunt walk and come home and share sone hot chocolate. It’s possible to create sone special memories without spending a lot Is there a temp agency where you live? I’d suggest that DH sign up there. If he does get him to ring them frequently and politely ask if there is any work. My brother did that and because he was keen and reliable he was the first person they called. Even if he only gets a couple of days a week at least it’s something while he looks for something permanent

I hope he is able to find something soon

I love these ideas. Most of what I am dealing with right now is (lack of sleep) and fear. Trying to be inventive when there is so much fear. The Stepkids needed new underwear, school jumpers etc this week and Iended up spending nearly £80 in ten minutes just replenishing stuff that they had grown out of.

Fear is the thing that grows arms and legs. I felt like a full panic attack sifting through the stuff today. My best friend had made them some advent calendars with £1 gifts in. Within a few minutes of getting the first gift opened they were on the floor.

I just felt defeated :(

He worked Covid hub last year. It was difficult work. I was in the same space working from home when he would take the calls. It wasn't good for his mental health though. I work dealing with mental health calls and it takes a toll.

The vaccine centre is totally different to taking calls about covid - it's just marshalling people in and out for their vaccines and is very straightforward. I know people who work there and they love it as they work with different colleagues each day so don't get bored.

Temping agencies are another option as he will only have to go and give all his details once. There really are loads of jobs out there right now, no need for him to be out of work at all.

@ToughTittyWhompus - you are like the devil voice on the shoulder.
Absolutely I feel jealous I cannot provide for my disabled daughter what a rich man's daughter can provide for her children. My fear is watching a man begging on the pavement and seeing him wear my father's face. You can mock and jibe from your safety and superiority but you have little empathy. So there is nothing left to say to you.

@ohlordabove

He worked Covid hub last year. It was difficult work. I was in the same space working from home when he would take the calls. It wasn't good for his mental health though. I work dealing with mental health calls and it takes a toll.

The vaccine centre is totally different to taking calls about covid - it's just marshalling people in and out for their vaccines and is very straightforward. I know people who work there and they love it as they work with different colleagues each day so don't get bored.

Temping agencies are another option as he will only have to go and give all his details once. There really are loads of jobs out there right now, no need for him to be out of work at all.

This might be an option, I will suggest it. thank you for clarifying the difference. The one he worked on last Christmas was where he had to do the follow-up calls and he would end up talking to people whose families were dying and were very scared. He could use the learned skills from that job however and apply for the type you are describing - this is helpful!

*Waiting for ToughTittyWhompus to slip in something snide and miserable before I go to bed.

I agree with others, get the laptop in the New Year not labelled as a Christmas present just labelled as essential equipment.

It isn't that easy to get a job, my DH also was made redundant in October, was rejected from supermarket application, rejected from Royal Mail, nothing from temp agencies. He was also job hunting during the pandemic so this is the second recent bout of having to find another job.

So my sympathies OP it is difficult and yes a real challenge for mental health.

My kids are teens also, I'm mainly buying clothes/ earrings or computer games/ sports kit. Is there something in these categories that you can buy one/ two of each?

They DSC get a token £10 spend and your own DD gets the rest that you can afford.

I find it hard to understand why some vile people here think you should spend your money on his children. They are old enough to understand he's out of work and it's just tough. Their DM will be getting them stuff so they aren't exactly being deprived.

There are some really awful people on MN who just come to be spiteful and put the boot in. Their lives are empty and shallow and it gives them a perverse thrill.

Time MN banned them.

@chillied

I agree with others, get the laptop in the New Year not labelled as a Christmas present just labelled as essential equipment.

It isn't that easy to get a job, my DH also was made redundant in October, was rejected from supermarket application, rejected from Royal Mail, nothing from temp agencies. He was also job hunting during the pandemic so this is the second recent bout of having to find another job.

So my sympathies OP it is difficult and yes a real challenge for mental health.

My kids are teens also, I'm mainly buying clothes/ earrings or computer games/ sports kit. Is there something in these categories that you can buy one/ two of each?

People think it's easy to get a job without thinking that people are discriminated against when they are older and have had senior positions. Tricky isn't it.
Also for someone older to learn new skills can sometimes be harder. In my own case I've had to learn skills despite having a form of dyslexia and RSI. Finding jobs with disabilities adds to the worry.

@Bananarama21

Your going to do what you want anything you just don't like the stepchildren for being children. I guessing you don't make an effort to find what they actually want .

Maybe the father of the stepchildren could have found out what they wanted? Why is it the step mothers job.

@chillied

I agree with others, get the laptop in the New Year not labelled as a Christmas present just labelled as essential equipment.

It isn't that easy to get a job, my DH also was made redundant in October, was rejected from supermarket application, rejected from Royal Mail, nothing from temp agencies. He was also job hunting during the pandemic so this is the second recent bout of having to find another job.

So my sympathies OP it is difficult and yes a real challenge for mental health.

My kids are teens also, I'm mainly buying clothes/ earrings or computer games/ sports kit. Is there something in these categories that you can buy one/ two of each?

Earrings is a good idea... like a decent pair for £20-40 rather than a cheap pair....

4 supermarkets and a handful of pubs near me are advertising for Christmas staff, can't he do something like this temporarily whilst he looks for somewhere more permanent? My best friends DH is retired GP and just started on the checkout at ASDA so the "too senior for the position" thing clearly isn't always the case?!

Oh OP I think you're getting a hard time here for having a bit of a moan about your SC's attitude to gifts, but I do get it.

My DS is 11 and has a disability. We deliberately keep Christmas fairly low key due to said disability, with lots of calm festive activities (things like lighting a candle at breakfast time every day) to help him with the anticipation. We are also pretty broke, so he gets relatively small gifts. Handmade and second hand things feature large most years!

My sister's DC are 5, 8, and 12 and their attitude as a family towards gifts and Christmas is quite different to ours. Her DC are baffled at DS's hand knitted Christmas jumper (Mrs Weasley style, DS adores it every year!)and ask if he got any designer clothes And they get huge piles of gifts every year, like the sort of Facebook boasty picture huge pile. This year they've already opened their gifts from one set of grandparents, which was a £50+ battery operated nerf gun each among other things, and 2 of the kids have left them in the garden so they don't work any more (I know this because when I visited yesterday they were all fighting over the last working one). Their house and garden are full of broken shite that been trashed and not looked after. It's hard managing your own child's expectations and feelings when kids they are very close to have such different experiences, especially when your own child has a disability that affects their understanding of such things. I adore my sister and her DC but their lifestyle and values are quite different to mine - and that's ok, I don't judge them for it but I also can't pretend I don't notice it! I don't comment to her but I do have the odd rant to friends. It doesn't mean I don't like them though.

Anyway. I'd get your DD the laptop but not as a Christmas gift. And then I'd sell everything I could over the next fortnight, and get all of the DC a similar set of Christmas gifts - one main gift and a stocking is fine.

Then start on low cost ways to make things special. Gingerbread cookie making day (boiled sweets for stained glass windows). Walk round the neighbourhood in the dark to see the lights. Festive film night with hot chocolate bombs (cheap as chips in home bargains). Do a really cool stocking for each child but with tiny things in - happy to make a list of what goes in our stockings if you want some ideas?

All these comment about how easy it is to just go and get a job! Christ some people do not live in the real world!

OP I'm so sorry you're in this situation so close to Christmas. I'd suggest a token gift for all children and then spend what you can on lots of lovely food. Decorate the house together. Good food, decorations, some music. Do some baking/cooking together. Have a movie night. Spa night.
Presents don't make Christmas special and you can have a very happy time without them.

Oh and another thing I did for my older DC in the past was a subscription to something, so I didn't have to pay out all at once! She got a monthly baking box one year and I only had to pay for the first month when I set it up. And another year a monthly bath bomb box.

@BoobsOnTheMoon

Oh OP I think you're getting a hard time here for having a bit of a moan about your SC's attitude to gifts, but I do get it.

My DS is 11 and has a disability. We deliberately keep Christmas fairly low key due to said disability, with lots of calm festive activities (things like lighting a candle at breakfast time every day) to help him with the anticipation. We are also pretty broke, so he gets relatively small gifts. Handmade and second hand things feature large most years!

My sister's DC are 5, 8, and 12 and their attitude as a family towards gifts and Christmas is quite different to ours. Her DC are baffled at DS's hand knitted Christmas jumper (Mrs Weasley style, DS adores it every year!)and ask if he got any designer clothes And they get huge piles of gifts every year, like the sort of Facebook boasty picture huge pile. This year they've already opened their gifts from one set of grandparents, which was a £50+ battery operated nerf gun each among other things, and 2 of the kids have left them in the garden so they don't work any more (I know this because when I visited yesterday they were all fighting over the last working one). Their house and garden are full of broken shite that been trashed and not looked after. It's hard managing your own child's expectations and feelings when kids they are very close to have such different experiences, especially when your own child has a disability that affects their understanding of such things. I adore my sister and her DC but their lifestyle and values are quite different to mine - and that's ok, I don't judge them for it but I also can't pretend I don't notice it! I don't comment to her but I do have the odd rant to friends. It doesn't mean I don't like them though.

Anyway. I'd get your DD the laptop but not as a Christmas gift. And then I'd sell everything I could over the next fortnight, and get all of the DC a similar set of Christmas gifts - one main gift and a stocking is fine.

Then start on low cost ways to make things special. Gingerbread cookie making day (boiled sweets for stained glass windows). Walk round the neighbourhood in the dark to see the lights. Festive film night with hot chocolate bombs (cheap as chips in home bargains). Do a really cool stocking for each child but with tiny things in - happy to make a list of what goes in our stockings if you want some ideas?

These are all lovely ideas. Love the Weasley jumper x

@BoobsOnTheMoon

Oh and another thing I did for my older DC in the past was a subscription to something, so I didn't have to pay out all at once! She got a monthly baking box one year and I only had to pay for the first month when I set it up. And another year a monthly bath bomb box.

This is a good idea - what was the baking box?

I meant at the vaccine centre too, anything that's taking too high a toll on his mental health isn't worth it

Also, Christmas is over in a flash, you'll be okay

@dustandfluf

All these comment about how easy it is to just go and get a job! Christ some people do not live in the real world!

OP I'm so sorry you're in this situation so close to Christmas. I'd suggest a token gift for all children and then spend what you can on lots of lovely food. Decorate the house together. Good food, decorations, some music. Do some baking/cooking together. Have a movie night. Spa night.
Presents don't make Christmas special and you can have a very happy time without them.

Yes, a lot of comments implying that if only he were willing the job would appear whilst imaging he isn't applying for everything and anything, part-time, full time, bin man, bar man, Hamlet.

I think food is the answer!