Redundant hubby, how do we afford Xmas?

[Slythermum]

Just some ideas please, Hubby has been made redundant as of next week, we have just paid out for expensive repairs on the roof. Literally no money to buy the kids Xmas presents. Stepkids don't appreciate anything they are bought, and most of last years presents were left on the floor unplayed with and it's the same every year, BUT they expect very expensive presents for Xmas (They get at least £600 spent on them at Xmas each at their mums) At this point, we are dealing with so much anxiety not sure what to even do :(

to add I saved about £200 for my daughter's Xmas present - I don't want to have to split that between her and the step-siblings because she won't be getting much from her dad for Xmas, whereas they will be coming back from their mums with new games consoles and expensive clothes.

Any suggestions welcome

I would do £100 on your daughter and split £100 on stepchildren.
I hate it when kids are ungrateful but in the spirit of Christmas would always get them something
I hope he finds a job v soon op xx

@Slythermum you should apply for DLA for her. Use the Cerebra guide to help you fill the forms in. My DS has "high functioning autism" but still gets middle rate care, which in turn means one of his main carers can claim carers allowance. It's made a big difference to my stress levels, having some of the financial pressure eased.

Where are all the children spending Christmas Day? Ideally children in the same place at the same time need to be treated equally.

Had your DH put money aside for his children for Christmas? Or did he just plan to use his latest paycheque?

He could spend a day putting all the items for charity on fb market place, if they have loads it will soon add up.

Have you a slow cooker? He could set up an elaborate hot chocolate station pretty cheaply and make a sign for behind it so it's decorated really well.

He could also do a gourmet popcorn station, either in a wok or a very cheap machine with lots of toppings etc.

If you have a big cardboard box he can make it into a basket, wrapping in Christmas paper, as a movie night hamper, he could even do one for all three kids, it will look huge. Their favourite movies on dvd would be cheap from eBay or a charity shop.

He can make some tickets for a theme park for use in the summer. Them make sure he looks for offers to make it as cheap as possible.

There is lots he can do. There isn't a job he can get now which is going to pay him before Christmas, so he can use an hour a day researching and doing bits towards a more rustic Christmas this year. He also needs to sit down asap and explain it to them, they are old enough to understand money.

I would give your dd the laptop whenever they are getting their gifts at their mum, she doesn't need to wait until January.

So sorry you're dealing with this op and right on top of Christmas, I can empathise as my dh was suddenly made redundant after over 10 years at a company, and we always wonder if it was because he was coming up to 50, because they started making older employees in middle management roles redundant, so the senior managers took over their responsibilities and running their depts of 8-10 junior role employees (but with no extra money) It was right at the beginning of the pandemic. Our dd also has ASD, want to write more but she is calling for me right now and on the tip of a meltdown I feel so will come back in a bit to

Write the rest!

Please ignore the random posters who have come here with the obvious pleasure to just dig the knife in and make the situation worse without offering actual advice. Know they are the same usernames, saying the same stuff over and over regardless of what you post.

Please don't even worry about them.

Secondly I'm so sorry your in the situation. I am in a privileged situation now but grew up on the breadline.

Christmas wasn't about the presents but the family festive feeling, get the decorations out ! Go look at lights or any Christmas markets with things going on for free in local area, board games are a good one and Christmas movies.

Sell unused toys on FB or outgrown children clothes on fb on bundles (I make quite a lot of money from this) same for shoes, and bonus you get a cleared out house. Whatever you raise put it towards presents for SC, keep the amount you have for DD. Of course your jealous of their mum spending that amount of money on the kids it's natural. Speak to her if she's reasonable.

Anyone who's a human being will understand this horrific situation to find yourself in. Last Christmas I gave DM money to buy presents for DSD and she was none the wiser. It also meant mum could get something to put under tree as she had lost her job at similar time. Not everyone's a monster I promise.

They are old enough to understand. If the DSC aren't with you then christmas day just spend it all on your child. If they are then give your child their present when they've gone back to mums

I think the subscriptions sound like a great idea. Try and get ones without a longterm commitment
If the kids dont appreciate them cancel after first month or two.

I’m not being snide.

I’m merely pointing out that you are very much projecting onto your SCs, normal behaviour and you’re making out like they’re awful kids.

It’s irrelevant how much Mum spends, or how much time their Dad spends with them - are you saying that because he doesn’t see them much, he shouldn’t spend a lot on them?

To repeat another PP - if you lost your job, would you be okay with him not sharing his money?

Sad to see MN come on to post about troll reporting and then leave without deleting all the vile derailing comments from people who just want to be mean.

@Hercisback

I'd be looking into why he's finding it hard to keep so many jobs tbh. Perhaps he truly has been unlucky but applying for 150 jobs is extreme. Most hospitality businesses are desperate for staff, he could walk into a bar job tomorrow.

Why are people so utterly unable to imagine others have completely different circumstances and life experiences to them. This is a really unhelpful comment.

Sorry to hear that OP - I don't want this to sound like a cliche, but how about you do some magical but cheap things together? Make time to do some crafting together (just using what you have) perhaps a home made paper chain for the living room, play some board games, do PJ's and hot chocolate film night. That sort of thing - I realise you want to give your daughter presents and in your situation I would spend on her not the others if they have presents from the other side of the family. But concentrate on doing special things rather than the presents. Good luck to your other half on the job front.

Get those toys out of the charity bag and sell them. If you make £20, that's £20 more you can spend on gifts for them this year and that eases the guilt or whatever it is youre feeling now. Don't give away something with monetary value in your position.

@MeridianB

Sad to see MN come on to post about troll reporting and then leave without deleting all the vile derailing comments from people who just want to be mean.

Absolutely. OP is very worried about the future and vipers arrive saying she should deprive her disabled DD so that her DH's kids get more on top of the £600 their DM will be spending.

It takes a special kind of deeply unpleasant person to think that way.

@PerseverancePays

If your daughter is expecting the laptop you could tell her that you are going to wait for the new year sales to get that, so she gets small presents like the other kids and enjoys a day of games and eating nice things. So sorry you are going through this and hope things pick up soon. 🌺

Great idea.

Also don't fall into buy now pay later trap. You need to try and not get into debt.

Does your husband drive? The supermarkets near me have signs up inside asking for delivery drivers with immediate starts.

You poor thing, such a stressful time.
I think people have come up with some lovely ideas

• sell the old toys
• buy the laptop in the jan sales
• buy all 3 kids a subscription (baking one looks fab)
• and a box of chocolates each

Nice and easy

Take care of yourself x

@ToughTittyWhompus

I’m not being snide.

I’m merely pointing out that you are very much projecting onto your SCs, normal behaviour and you’re making out like they’re awful kids.

It’s irrelevant how much Mum spends, or how much time their Dad spends with them - are you saying that because he doesn’t see them much, he shouldn’t spend a lot on them?

To repeat another PP - if you lost your job, would you be okay with him not sharing his money?

I've seen plenty of post by the OP saying they are nice kids just a bit spoilt. I've never seen her mention they are awful. Stop being so goady!

If your daughter just needs the laptop for school I would buy her a raspberry pi 400 instead. You can plug it into the telly or lots of people give away old monitors. I agree with not giving it with the other Christmas presents to stop a feeling of unfairness.

This would leave you with £100 to share between the three children. This is plenty.

Best of luck to your OH selling the toys, please do reply to let us know how much the three bags came to.

This would leave you

The children are of an age where they will notice a difference in the value of the presents.

Please don't do that. It could seriously damage their relationship with your daughter, with you and their father. Don't give them reason for resentment or to perceive they've been ill treated. The relationships are the most important thing, please prioritise them.

I agree with PPs, give sensible low cost gifts to all the children. They're old enough to know that money is temporarily tight because of being between jobs. But Make it fun, with the treat food package idea and a trip to the movies or whatever. It doesn't have to be miserable at all.

Giving them a happy, equal, non-materialistic Christmas is a good thing that can bond you as a family. Giving their step sister an expensive gift while they open clearly less valuable gifts is just a recipe for dysfunction. Tweens and teens don't have the emotional maturity to say to themselves 'oh well, I get a lot of presents at mum's house so it all evens out'. They'll see their books and socks next to their step sister's latest tech and feel like Tier 2 family members. This will be all the clearer to them if they pick up on your judgement of them and the way they act around gifts. They might feel like they are being punished. They already share their dad with your daughter. She would see far more of him than they do.

If your daughter needs a laptop for school then buy her one in the new year, not as a gift but as a school supply.

I'm sorry you're stressed and it sounds like your having a tough time. But what you're describing in your step children is age appropriate (albeit tedious) behaviour. It's not fair to hold it against them as you do here and if that attitude is half as clear in your home as it is on this thread you could be damaging the fabric of your family.

I hope things turn around for you soon.

I'd approach your daughter's school to see if they would provide a laptop.

Hey actually OP earrings are the sort of thing where a sparkly £5 pair from the supermarket are just as nice if not nicer than a £20-£40 pair. This isn't about the amount of cash spent. Put the supermarket earrings in a little box or bag and no-one knows they are from Sainsbury's. Don't go getting an expensive version.

I agree that these kids are also old enough to understand and have conversations with their dad about income and salaries etc. My kids have known from a young age that me going to work is directly related to our ability to pay the rent, that having a roof and food doesn't come for free. Making sure we have a roof and food is an act of love for them as much as any present. Some convos like this might help his kids see more reality in life somehow.

Something I do OP is made the kids up some Christmas stockings with essentials and things they need to be bought anyway i.e. shower gel, new toothbrush, deodorant, socks with a pattern they'll like - and throw in a couple of cheap bits of toys or sweets/chocolates and tinsel to Christmas it up. Shower gels etc. normally come in Christmassy versions. Wrap everything up individually so they'll feel like they have a lot to open.

It can be done quite cheaply and is money that you'd otherwise need to spend anyway throughout the year.