Thank to everyone who actually read my posts and offered actual practical ideas which you'll see from the previous post I've implemented and some of the ideas have been really useful.
For the others, I have some prizes. I'm approximating the general tone of the comments here:
No 1 goes to the people who said things along the lines of "He can't keep a job what a loser."
No 2 goes jointly to "Surely he can find a job, jobs are everywhere, he needs to find TWO jobs"
No 3 goes to "I'm sure this won't affect his mental health"
No 4 goes to "OP is a bitch because she isn't on her hands and knees bowing to his children/ supporting him/ paying maintenance to his ex out of her own pocket."
No 5 goes to "A child who is disabled doesn't deserve more presents than anyone else"
I'm generalising with the above but I think it's pretty accurate to say that summarises the kind of idiotic comments I've received so far.
What an absolute shitshow of comments from some people here who clearly cannot read and who are projecting all sorts of bullshit on to me at a point where, in shock, coming off a nightshift I had just heard that my highly skilled, older partner had lost his job two weeks before Xmas.
This time last year, the jobs were hard to find. His mental health suffered greatly as he has been in a profession for his entire career, was in senior management and then suddenly found himself having to compete with uni leavers for part-time jobs that wouldn't take him because he was overqualified. He's had to learn new skills whilst juggling various mental health issues. He has some savings which he uses to pay maintenance to his ex, who has never gone short and he has never missed a payment. He is not a drifter, this is someone who worked for his entire life in an industry that Covid has decimated. Of course, he will find another job eventually, do you think he comes home and just sits there? He's an older man who has to pick himself up off the floor each time and get on with it. In my life, I've seen many skilled men hung out to dry by companies when those skills are no longer needed. When your man loses his job you know as his wife that you will bear the pressure of providing for the family whilst he looks for another job. Given that many mothers like myself with children on the spectrum have had to take part-time work to fit around the kids, this is daunting at the moment. But it's more the emotional pressure of knowing you have to support and take care of everyone's emotions.
My original post was for ideas only - ideas which the normal people on this thread offered, and some of them were great. I've had a lot of experience with children, and I know as we all do. There is an issue in our society with some children being incredibly privileged to the point where presents mean nothing. If you don't know that you are blind. I was overwhelmed by the waste and not wanting to buy anything when we are having to save right now, for two children who will discard presents in seconds. I'm sorry if you are desperate to imagine these children who get approx £600 spent on them EACH at Xmas are deprived in any way. They aren't. The fact that they come here every week and tell my daughter how much they know is being spent on them is not very nice. It really isn't.
The best ideas people gave that wouldn't break the bank, and that would be nice for hard-to-please kids, were experiences and the subscription magazine/kits.
The pile-on was interesting. Spiteful digs and accusations. What kind of people think this is ok is beyond me. All I can say to this is that I'm disgusted at the way people jumped to conclusions, stuck the knife in and ran with it. For the people who just offered a bit of a handhold, I'm grateful. That's all I needed at a point where I was overwhelmed.
For the others, I would say this:
"Over a third of UK households are one paycheck from financial ruin. A July survey of more than 8,000 UK adults carried out by the housing charity Shelter and YouGov has revealed that close to 40% of UK households are just one paycheque from potential homelessness."
We will not lose our home, and we don't need anyone to give us handouts. We are lucky, we do have some family who have offered to support us as a safety net if we needed some more time for him to find work, but many others will not be in this position. (I'm still not buying unnecessarily expensive and wasteful presents for the kids though)
- You need to understand that most people who lose their jobs in this current climate are not to blame for doing so. Saying shit like "I find it hard to believe he can't find a job" is disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.
- Men, in particular, are at risk of poor mental health if they are made redundant - according to Samaritans "The economic impact of the pandemic has been a common concern in calls to Samaritans’ helpline from men, who have frequently talked about feelings of fear and uncertainty about the future, from losing their standard of living to fear of job loss and redundancy." You can read more about that here if you don't understand that concept, which some of you clearly don't. www.samaritans.org/scotland/news/suicide-prevention-must-be-made-a-priority-in-governments-pandemic-recovery-plan-says-samaritans/
- Ageing in the workplace is a massive issue. Everyone ages. Jobs can get harder at that point especially when dealing with any physical disabilities. Most people will do any job that comes along if they are desperate. No one stops to think about the physical conditions that we have to work under. Cold warehouses, hours and hours driving, minimum wage, night shifts. We do it. And my partner has done it, will do it. Your deliveries sometimes come from men who are sleeping in their vans.
- Having a disability or having a child on the spectrum doesn't automatically mean you get help from the government or school - anyone with kids who are on the milder end of the spectrum will tell you this. Also, this is so that children with more severe difficulties do get access to what they need, so many of us make do because we know there are kids in more need than our own. We have however found a great solution for the laptop which I mention in a previous post.
Lastly, in the spirit of the Christmas to come, I hope that all of you have a good one, that none of you suddenly find yourselves in changed circumstances and that if you do, the people around you aren't quick to put a knife in to mock you.
It takes a degree of empathy to put yourself in someone else's shoes. It's interesting to see who has it and who doesn't.