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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Redundant hubby, how do we afford Xmas?

253 replies

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 03:58

Just some ideas please, Hubby has been made redundant as of next week, we have just paid out for expensive repairs on the roof. Literally no money to buy the kids Xmas presents. Stepkids don't appreciate anything they are bought, and most of last years presents were left on the floor unplayed with and it's the same every year, BUT they expect very expensive presents for Xmas (They get at least £600 spent on them at Xmas each at their mums) At this point, we are dealing with so much anxiety not sure what to even do :(

to add I saved about £200 for my daughter's Xmas present - I don't want to have to split that between her and the step-siblings because she won't be getting much from her dad for Xmas, whereas they will be coming back from their mums with new games consoles and expensive clothes.

Any suggestions welcome

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Bananarama21 · 04/12/2021 07:51

You can't get them a small gift and your daughter a laptop it sends a clear message, you don't sound like you like them. Doesn't sound like you can't afford the laptop either. Do you work? Thr job market is alot better he could get a job doing anything and everything. I don't believe for a second he can't hold a job down.

Gretaburley · 04/12/2021 07:52

A friend of ours has just got a job in the sorting office at Royal Mail. They’re usually desperate for staff at Christmas.
Or are you near an Amazon depot.
Just get yourself through to the new year.
Good luck.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/12/2021 07:53

Your dd needs the laptop. Your stepkids presumably have laptops or iPads etc. This isn’t about treating the kids differently. This is about actual need. And this is about your money you saved for your child. I agree with the experiences posts.

ohlordabove · 04/12/2021 07:54

@Joystir59

They all get a small gift, including your daughter because that's fair. Just don't spend what you haven't got. Christmas can still be a celebration of you all being together, safe, healthy, able to start anew in the New Year.

How is that fair when they are getting £600 worth of presents from their RP?! Sod that.

PooWillyNameChange · 04/12/2021 07:54

I would treat them all the same and split present fund three ways. I know it seems unfair but if your DD won't be at their mums too surely she won't know? They on the other hand will see her with bigger gifts at your house.

My DD's dad is much wealthier than us - we don't give DD less and inheritance will be equal - as whether you like it or not how you treat them relative to each other will be interpreted as an expression of love.

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time and hope things look up soon.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 04/12/2021 07:54

Can you sell any of the outgrown toys?

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:54

@Gearedtoyou

The year DSs were 8 &10 DH lost his job the first week in Dec and I lost mine the 2nd week.

It was very stressful at the time but actually it was a useful reset. A reminder of what's really important and one of our best Christmases.

I went through our direct debits and cancelled everything that wasn't essential

I had a good clear out and did a lot of Ebaying. Part used perfumes sold ridiculously well, as did shoes!

DC did get on main present each, but nowhere near as expensive as usual. Everything else was things I'd have to buy anyway or things that were already in the house. I wrapped up lunch box treats and "special" cereals. Stockings were made up from things left over from birthday party bags, with the addition of cans of drink, biscuits etc

We did no paid for Christmas activities or eating out at all, but spent the time going for walks, playing board games, cooking and baking together etc

Adults didn't get any presents except what DC made for them. (Which made some activities in the week before Christmas)

Don't waste money on £1 junk!

This is great. Thanks for messaging. People don't realise how easy it is to lose a job, especially when you are older and highly skilled as a worker and you are suddenly deemed too old or overqualified for jobs that you've spent several hours applying for, on websites that ask for loads of information. Most people don't understand until it happens to them or their partners, over and over and over.

OP posts:

MalbecandToast · 04/12/2021 07:54

Kids not playing with everything from Christmas and not always seemibg grateful is quite common OP. I wouldn't take it personally or see it as a reason to dislike your step kids .

If the Christmas budget now stands at £200, I think small token gifts for all of the children then the rest on buying lovely food and goodies for everyone to share on the day. Christmas isn't just about presents and it won't harm them OR your daughter to realise this. What matters is that everyone is happy and we'll and together. Please don't treat the SC differently

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 07:55

@PooWillyNameChange

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time and hope things look up soon.

They bring their stuff and boast unfortunatey. Willy Wonka would have a field day here. Plus she is disabled and the money was for a new laptop which she needs. x

OP posts:

ohlordabove · 04/12/2021 07:55

OP has he looked into jobs at the vaccine centres? Usually advertised on indeed and they are desperate for staff! They aren't bothered about age either. Also worth registering on indeed flex, as they offer fill in shifts at supermarkets which will be busy at the moment.

ToughTittyWhompus · 04/12/2021 07:56

Your posts are getting worse, your barely veiled contempt for them.

They’re children. Of course they’ll get excited and show off their Christmas presents, that’s completely normal

rookiemere · 04/12/2021 07:57

If your DD needs the laptop then don't get it as a Christmas present. Give it to her once bought and then token gifts for all DCs on CD.

IslaInthesun · 04/12/2021 07:59

Tbh £200 isn't enough to get a laptop that will last any amount of time, so don't worry about that for now, but they can still get great presents if you spend £100 on her and £50 on the other two.

All the covid hubs are desperately recruiting around here,have you got any near you, they're all immediate starts

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 08:00

Actually it's also ok to not like your stepkids at Christmas! Just because of the boasting and the one-upmanship.

I think I'm going with the shelf of their own, special food stuff they like and a cinema trip (or something covid friendly) as an experience.

DD is still getting her laptop.
No more discarded toys.

OP posts:

gogohm · 04/12/2021 08:00

I would buy something for them, can't he speak to his ex and explain the situation, could she divert some gifts to him? My ex gives me money for gifts.

As far as his unemployment situation, there's a lot more work than 18 months ago, as he's older obviously it's as easy but every shop, restaurant etc is hiring and if he has a clean driving licence he could do delivery work eg supermarkets.

Newcomer68 · 04/12/2021 08:01

Whst a rotten time of year for this to happen and it sounds like you and your other half have had some really bad luck. I've never understood, and never will, how some people just bounce through life with all the luck and how some of us have to fight for every scrap.

Anyway, for this Christmas, I don't know if you've looked at any of the Christmas threads about doing it on a budget but there are some brilliant ideas on there. Most of them involve experiences or very low cost things - a nice walk, singing carols or Christmas songs together, and have some great ideas for very low cost gifts.

Sorry if I'm suggesting something you've already done, by the way, I just know every time I take another peek at the boards I see more good ideas.

And I really hope things improve for you all as far as they can, very soon.

PooWillyNameChange · 04/12/2021 08:01

@rookiemere

If your DD needs the laptop then don't get it as a Christmas present. Give it to her once bought and then token gifts for all DCs on CD.

This is a really good idea.

Heronwatcher · 04/12/2021 08:02

Also just to say on the laptop, have you asked your kids’ school whether they are able to help by loaning one etc- especially now your circumstances have changed? Or asked on local Facebook groups whether anyone is giving an old one away (it doesn’t need to be fancy at all for home learning). And hopefully home learning isn’t going to be that frequent now unless your daughter has to do it for health reasons. Then when things have improved you can upgrade at that point.

Bananarama21 · 04/12/2021 08:02

Your going to do what you want anything you just don't like the stepchildren for being children. I guessing you don't make an effort to find what they actually want .

purplecorkheart · 04/12/2021 08:03

It is hard but can your dh walk around your local town centre/shopping Centres today. Loads of shops/restaurants here are looking for staff at the moment and I know my nearest restaurant would be delighted with more mature staff applying, might be something similar where you are. As others said mail centres staff and courier drivers are in high demand at present.

If he applied for over 150 jobs and did not get any of them perhaps he needs to take a look at his cv and his wording in applications. Of those 150 jobs did he get any interviews? If he did did he get any feedback?

Chasingsquirrels · 04/12/2021 08:03

Today I tidied their room and had to put three boxes of discarded toys in the charity bag

Can you take them out of the charity bag and try to sell them?

I agree with the posters who say about cutting back across the board.

I hope he finds a new job quickly.

Greydogs123 · 04/12/2021 08:03

Sell whatever you can. The stuff you’ve sorted for the charity shop - sell it for what you can on Facebook marketplace, it will all help. Use that money for the step kids presents. It sounds like they are old enough to have the situation explained to them and although they will probably be a bit disappointed it won’t ruin them. Make this year about spending time doing things together. Have a game night, do a walk to see all the Christmas lights that are around etc.
I really hope your husband can find a job and you can get back to some security.

Catfox1 · 04/12/2021 08:06

I’ve got to be honest if my husband had been made redundant I wouldn’t be buying anyone anything at all! I know she needs a laptop but there should be some help out there for you with that. I’d be worried about spending £200 with no indication of a new job on the horizon.

It’s only Christmas, as long as they have food it’ll be fine for one year

Try not to worry either way, hope he finds something soon!

Original poster

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 08:06

@IslaInthesun

Tbh £200 isn't enough to get a laptop that will last any amount of time, so don't worry about that for now, but they can still get great presents if you spend £100 on her and £50 on the other two.

All the covid hubs are desperately recruiting around here,have you got any near you, they're all immediate starts

He worked Covid hub last year. It was difficult work. I was in the same space working from home when he would take the calls. It wasn't good for his mental health though. I work dealing with mental health calls and it takes a toll.

OP posts:

Heronwatcher · 04/12/2021 08:07

Just a thought- have you thought about why your step kids boast or engage in oneupmanship? Could it be because they feel insecure? It’s very unlikely to be to cause deliberate hurt to you, there’s going to be something deeper there, to do with your DP. Or it’s a leant behaviour from other members of the family. Even more reason though to take the focus away from gifts and just try to spend quality time and have a bit of fun.

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