AIBU to just have a photo shoot of one child?

[AnotherAwkwardPost]

For context, this is for DD who is having a newborn photo shoot which I am paying for 100% myself.

I want to have only photos of DD at the session and not DSS as he has already had newborn photos, the session is 4-6 hours so will have to battle to keep DSS entertained and the photographer only does sibling photos at special request for an additional cost, which I have not budgeted for.

AIBU to want this, I am paying for everything at the end of the day.

In my opinion, a lot of people are overzealous in their attempt to assure their oldest child that they are not second best, to the point that they fail to actually celebrate their second child in their own right, and constantly define them primarily as DC1s sibling. This is not a positive experience for younger siblings.

People having children with a second partner ought to be aware that this approach, if it is in their nature, is not really going to happen for them. Their new partner is not going to focus everything to do with the baby on their older half sibling.

In this case, OP wants these photos for herself and her side of the family.

If she’s able to fit you in because she’s had a cancellation, how do you not know the date?

Could your DSS come for a few pictures at the end of the shoot? Most shoots I've seen from my friends having a second baby includes pictures of baby alone and one or two with a sibling.

Already creating a divide between the two siblings is wrong. You decided to have a baby knowing your partner already had a child, include everyone or not at all.

The newborn photo shoot is for the newborn. This would still be true if the newborn had 20 siblings on each side.
Jeez what alot of unnecessary angst.

@SheWoreYellow

If she’s able to fit you in because she’s had a cancellation, how do you not know the date?

She has a set amount of slots each month that way she can be flexible with due dates of babies.

Absolutely fine 😁

I’m planning to have one for mine when she’s due, none of the older brothers had one but that’s because they couldn’t afford it that doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t get one.

Also siblings shouldn’t sit in the shadow of their older sibling IMO, they are a person in their own right and should be able to do things just for them.

Ah. I was just being nosey about that!

I wonder if you give DSS the choice of whether he wants to hang around and then you turn it into a family shoot, with DH paying the extra.

Why should DSS have the final say?

This is something the OP wants to do with HER money for HER dc!

Completely fine - don't let anyone bully you out of it!

@KalvinPhillipsManBun

Already creating a divide between the two siblings is wrong. You decided to have a baby knowing your partner already had a child, include everyone or not at all.

Ridiculous.

@SoupDragon

So subsequent children should never get to do anything alone?

I think that when they are part of a single family rather than a blended one, they rarely get to do anything alone.

But in this scenario, the one we are actually discussing, they would wouldn't they. Nobody would be saying wahhhhh first child will be left out even though you already did this with them.

@KalvinPhillipsManBun

Already creating a divide between the two siblings is wrong. You decided to have a baby knowing your partner already had a child, include everyone or not at all.

How is it creating a divide?

Of course you can have baby photos of your dd. Equally your dh can have pictures of both his children by themselves and together.

To be honest I don't see what the big deal is. You have the shoot get the pictures you want of your dd. He pays the difference to include his child your joint childs sibling and display them all in the house. So then there is baby photos of both of them individually and some of them together.

Everyone is happy.

He would only be unreasonable if he said he didn't want you to have any pictures of just your dd with out your sc.

You are not unreasonable and don’t let anyone make you feel that way! There is plenty time and opportunities for everyone to be photographed together. This is a special shoot for YOUR child! Enjoy it!

2-3 hours of your DD, then your DP collects DSS and bring him and they have an hour together!

Tbh, if I told both of my biological children that I had scheduled a 4 -6 hour photo shoot to have pictures taken of them together or separately ,,they would probably each ask to be excused or excluded from this event.

Again, I think that the step son ,if given a choice, would prefer not to have to take any role in this 4-6 HR event. Most young kids don't necessarily want to do things that they really enjoy doing for 4 to 6 hours. I can't imagine a 4-6 HR photography experience would be any where near the top of the list for a fun or desired experience for a young child.

I don't think that this is an experience that will leave your step son feeling left out. However, forcing him to go might very well make him feel resentful.

The OP should be free to go and have her experience. The step son should not be forced to accompany the OP.

She is a popular photographer who has photographed footballers babies so I'm sure she knows what she is doing

I'm not sure I see the logic here. Which part of a footballer's baby requires photographic skills that other babies don't need?

Otherwise, OP, I am a bit on the fence. Sorry.

of course you can have photos of just your baby.

However, if you think it is OK to expect DSS to sit there whilst you, DP and their new sibling spend 4-6 hours of his contact time with his father in the corner watching you all smiling happy clappy over the baby and not one photo be taken of the two siblings together then you are deluded.

Choose a day when DSS is not there.
Seriously this is not an issue if you plan it properly.

Not having at least one pic of baby with sibling is a little meh in my opinion

I have decided to just get pictures of DD, for a number of reasons we have received some dates to choose and they'll all be when DSS is in school and I don't agree with taking him out of school.

Spoke to DP if he wants pictures of them together he can sort that but it's not my responsibility. His children his responsibility.

No I'm not being unfair that's how it is, DSS had a newborn photo shoot and his pictures are all over the house so we can have some of DD as well.

I'm fed up of stepping on eggshells and my hormones are everywhere so if you don't like it I'm afraid that's up to you.

However, if you think it is OK to expect DSS to sit there whilst you, DP and their new sibling spend 4-6 hours of his contact time with his father in the corner watching you all smiling happy clappy over the baby and not one photo be taken of the two siblings together then you are deluded.

Glad you've got it sorted OP, but why on Earth were so many people assuming she was planning to do it when DSS was there? There was nothing to suggest that...

Have photos of your baby done. Honestly some people on here are so strange!!

You def def should be able to have a newborn photographed without other siblings- step sibling or not, half sibling or not, stop feeling guilty. And even if you and dad will be in the pics, so what??! You are marking the birth of a new baby, just get the photos.
My dds dad refused to get newborn ones done and he gave a black eye when I booked them anyway so I was forced to cancel. I will never get that opportunity back. I think about it all the time. Don’t be me, have the photos done and treasure them forever.

Book a sibling shoot now for in a few months maybe. Babies change so much so it will be nice to have some of baby that bit older and when he is interacting more with step sibling.

His children his responsibility.

Are they not all his children?

Yanbu at all. You have a serious dh problem though.

Suggest he books and pays for them to have a sibling shoot when she is older.

No I'm not being unfair that's how it is, DSS had a newborn photo shoot and his pictures are all over the house so we can have some of DD as well

He had photos alone because he was an only child!

I hope your DP pays for a photo shoot just for his son because as you say kids change so much...No doubt you will be on here crying because your DD is not involved.

@NeedsCharging

His children his responsibility.

Are they not all his children?

That is her point. They are both his but not both hers