AIBU to just have a photo shoot of one child?

[AnotherAwkwardPost]

For context, this is for DD who is having a newborn photo shoot which I am paying for 100% myself.

I want to have only photos of DD at the session and not DSS as he has already had newborn photos, the session is 4-6 hours so will have to battle to keep DSS entertained and the photographer only does sibling photos at special request for an additional cost, which I have not budgeted for.

AIBU to want this, I am paying for everything at the end of the day.

YANBU to have a photo shoot with just your child and as you said you haven’t booked the date so could do it when you don’t have your DDS. Why on earth would it take such a long time though? I’m genuinely intrigued, what do they do for so long?

@satci

He's already had photos done as a new born, alone. Why can't ops baby have that too?

Of course she will. There's 4 hours for those photos. Second children get to have photos with their siblings too. Half or not that's the normal thing to do.

Not at a "newborn photoshoot" it's not. The clues in the name.

I think the word 'newborn' is the giveaway!
Not siblings.
Not the dog.
Newborn.... just that.

Yeah but is it, or is it newborn with parents? In which case it's family.... and having DSS wait on the sidelines and not include him at all while you take those is clearly saying 'you aren't family'.

If it's just dd it's fine - then it's just saying 'no - this photo shoot is just for dd- not for me, not for daddy, not for you this time'. That's an absolutely fine life lesson.

Suggest newborn only shoot now. Siblings shoot in a year when the baby is able to sit and interact more with the sibling.

Im going to guess there's no photos up in your home from your stepsons newborn photos shoot. And I bet you'll be putting some up of your baby. Maybe consider this.

@BraveGoldie

Is this literally just of your baby DD, or is it a photo shoot of Dd with you and her dad? If the latter, then honestly I think that's not good to do while DSS is around. At very least he could join in for some of the photos.... one of the six hours???

If he's not there, then fair enough but I hope you also take and display photos of the siblings together and you all together.

These kind of things can send very strong messages of whether a SC is welcome in a family, and whether they can embrace the arrival of a new sibling or will just see them as rivals.

I think having him stand on the sidelines while the three of you get your photo taken for hours is really horrible.

It would just be pics of DD, we have no desire to get in front of a camera

@BraveGoldie

Yeah but is it, or is it newborn with parents? In which case it's family.... and having DSS wait on the sidelines and not include him at all while you take those is clearly saying 'you aren't family'.

If it's just dd it's fine - then it's just saying 'no - this photo shoot is just for dd- not for me, not for daddy, not for you this time'. That's an absolutely fine life lesson.

Presumably his new born photo shoot had his parents in it, why can't ops baby have the same?

Why must it include siblings?

They will literally both have the same.

I had a pixi photoshoot done the pictures are all of ds3 we had a family one done somewhere else and a sibling shoot too

Then I think it's fine. All through their lives they will need to understand that each of them gets unique things for them.

Still much easier and less stressful for you to schedule on a day he's not with you though!

@satci

Im going to guess there's no photos up in your home from your stepsons newborn photos shoot. And I bet you'll be putting some up of your baby. Maybe consider this.

The house is full of newborn/baby pictures of DSS, DP even has photo frames that are the ones that run slideshows of him. I wanted to just get the photo shoot of DD to give to my parents as gifts and to have a few on display in our house so I feel like she is included.

Is it one of the ones where they stick her in a flowerpot, and all wrapped up in a cocoon etc? Isn't the point that they're tiny and sleepy?

I'm not sure a professional sibling photo shoot with just a really tiny baby and sibling would work that well. I'd have this just of her, and one together when she's a bit older.

4 hours is standard for a newborn photo shoot. There is lots of stopping for feeds, nappy changes, getting the baby to sleep and gentle poses.

You are not being unreasonable by the way.

My eldest DC did not have a newborn shoot as my DH said no.

With second DC I insisted. Eldest DC was at pre school and was not included in the photos.

Of course it's fine.
Baby photos are a perfectly standard thing to have. If he was her full sibling it would be no different

He had baby photos.
She will have baby photos.
They will also have lots and lots of photos together over the course of their childhood.
It's really not a big deal.

Is this photographer charging you by the hour OP? She really has seen you coming, hasn't she?!

Thinking about it, my sister was the eldest so her baby shots were just of her. But when I was born 4 years later, I had mine done and my sister was on some of them and honestly, looking at them, they were the nicest. Would you have your DSS on some of the shots if he were a full sibling? Maybe as a comporomise he could be on a couple at the start and then you DH could take him off for a treat somewhere? I suppose it depends on his age.
It's complicated not wanting hurt anyone's feelings and whatever decision you make, you're not wrong.

DP doesn't want DSS to feel left out so I feel like I'm being the wicked SM now for only wanting pictures of DD.

It’s a newborn photo shoot. For the newborn. Not a family photo shoot. I’ve been in countless homes where they have different numbers of DC and each Dc has had their own newborn shoot proudly displayed on the walls. It’s normal.

@Pokemonpoolparty

Is this photographer charging you by the hour OP? She really has seen you coming, hasn't she?!

The session is £400 which is about the going rate in our area, it's got a package with some prints on and she has won lots of awards I was very lucky to get in with her as she had a cancellation.

Yeah that's not an uncommon duration for a newborn shoot. They don't really get 'put through' anything. They just feed, shit and sleep like they do anywhere. That's why they're done in the first couple of weeks and not later, when they start actually being awake!

Unless DSS is about to shrink back to newborn it’s hardly unreasonable. A newborn shoot should be pretty self explanatory- it’s for a newborn.

Yanbu - I had a newborn shoot for DC2. I didn't include DC1 nor did I have a newborn shoot for DC1.

YANBU. Me and DP have agreed that when baby number 2 comes, they'll have their own newborn shoot without DD included so we have pictures of each babies individually as newborns. If we want a sibling shoot, we'll book that seperately

If neither of you are going to be in the photos why don't you take DD to the photo shoot whilst your partner takes DSS on a day out somewhere else. Your DSS is going to be bored senseless at a 6 hour photo shoot (especially one not involving him) and I don't see why it takes 2 of you. He'll see the photos once they're edited.

My question would be AIBU to subject an infant to a 4 to 6 hour photo shoot? If I were your step son, I would be praying to be left at home. If you are not a model being paid for a professional job, why in the world would you want to spend a roughly full day taking a picture that is going to be posted on someone's mantle or in a family photo a!bum?

In any case I would think that you were being ugly to subject your step son to that unnecessarily long activity simply to end up with a sibling photo.

@AnotherAwkwardPost

Re the 4-6 hours, the photographer has advised this is how long it usually takes for other clients and they have facilities for feeding, changing etc also in the 4-6 hours has factored time for a break that's why it's that amount of time.

She is a popular photographer who has photographed footballers babies so I'm sure she knows what she is doing. I've only ever had school photos myself so no clue how long these things take!

My daughter's took an hour INCLUDING feeding and changing, and no doubt cost a lot less with my local photographer, and have had many compliments. Not a chance I'd put a newborn through 4 to 6 hours of it, just because she's popular with celebrities