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AIBU to just think FUCK OFF and let me enjoy my child?!

607 replies

Flainling · 02/11/2021 07:43

My husband is always making me (or trying at least) feel guilty for just doing basic things with my child. Even accusing me of "pushing SC out" when I've done nothing of the sort.

He is only 10 months old. He's my first and my last.

Things have included:

  • Making a photo album of DS. Not some big extravagant family craft activity where DSC are forced to glue pictures of their younger sibling into an album on a Saturday. Just me, doing it myself in the evening.
  • taking my son out to little places with my family / to visit family and not taking everyone with me all the time. There have been a few unexpected days recently where DSC stayed with us when they wouldn't normally and I had plans with family. I didn't immediately change these to also take along DSC so I'm awful and "making it obvious I only want to spend time with my son".
  • ordering a few pictures for our bedroom of DS for a photo frame my Mum got me for my birthday and putting it up on my dressing table. There are pictures of DSC up in the house as well but apparently there are more of DS and this is terrible (it's in our bedroom which none of the kids come in Confused ).
  • apparently just generally a bit obsessive with DS and I make it "obvious" I care more about him. Fucking yes I'm a bit obsessive. He's my first baby. Am I not allowed?!
  • setting up a savings account (from my own personal money) which me and my family pay into for DS when DSC don't have one, as if that's up to me?!

There are more but I can't think right now.

AIBU to just think or even say FUCK OFF now and just let me enjoy my baby in peace ffs. It's like I'm not allowed to consider this my first child at all without "pushing DSC out". I don't even know what be means by that. I'm as kind as I always have been to DSC, who absolutely adore their brother too. But I'm not their mum and don't act like it nor do I wish to (or ever have?!).

It's really starting to piss me off. It's like I can't just do anything for my son without always thinking like this.

OP posts:
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BadlyFormedQuestion · 06/11/2021 19:15

Ah I see Tattler is here to tell people that they’re wrong if other people affect them in any way. Wonderful.

You do know that humans are social creatures?

Youseethethingis · 06/11/2021 19:30

One of Tattlers lower moments I see. I've never come across anyone as wilfully blind to the nature of human relationships and emotions. It's sometimes rather chilling to read.

Tattler2 · 06/11/2021 19:47

@Youseetresponses, the
Clearly, there are no uniform or nature ordained responses to situations or there would not be so many complaints about the way partner, exs , or step children respond to various situations. Obviously, there are a multitude of ways to respond to different situations as evidenced by the various situations described on MN.

To me, what is not normal is blaming someone else for a response over which you have control. My neighbor may say something unkind or insensitive to me.that is her action; the way in which I respond, is my action and in my control.

If I chose to give my neighbor so much control in my life, then I as saying my life matters so little to me that I am willing to cede control to others. I may be hurt by my neighbors insensitivity but it does not prevent me from experiencing normal joy or pleasure in any aspect of my life. I might think " I wish that they felt differently or I might say different strokes for different folks, but in either case the control would be mine.

Again, it is fine to be willing to let others control your responses, ; for me ,the problem is not owning your responsibility in ceding that control. I should not blame you for taking that which I willingly give up to you.

aSofaNearYou · 06/11/2021 19:50

To me, what is not normal is blaming someone else for a response over which you have control. My neighbor may say something unkind or insensitive to me.that is her action; the way in which I respond, is my action and in my control.

You don't blame them for your response, you blame them for saying something unkind or insensitive, obviously. Why is that so hard for you to understand?

This is honestly such bizarre logic.

Justilou1 · 06/11/2021 20:00

Omg, no wonder the OP has bailed…

MeridianB · 06/11/2021 20:00

Oh OP, you have a DH problem. His complaints are all totally unreasonable.

I agree with PPs who say he’s guilty/jealous.

You sound like a caring SM and a sweet mummy. Please don’t second guess yourself. Just enjoy every minute with your DS as it flies by so quickly.

BadlyFormedQuestion · 06/11/2021 20:03

Have you been reading far too many of those awful victim blaming masquerading as support type memes on social media?

Because your argument is 100% ‘it’s all your own fault that you feel bad when others treat you badly’.

Do you not think that people have some responsibility to consider how their words and actions affect others? Or that partners should consider ones other’s feelings at all?

SpaceshiptoMars · 06/11/2021 20:05

I still cannot wrap my head around the idea that my ability to have, enjoy, and find pleasure in my first time parenting experience did not belong to me but was something that my partner could gift to or deny to me.

@Tattler2 I think you have made a very good choice of man and his family, and because of that, you simply don't come across the problems that many end up here with. Women arrive here at a low ebb, before or after a challenging birth, because they are feeling ganged up on by the first family. They are at their most exhausted, wrung out with spiralling hormones and not finding the strength to stand up to the highly unreasonable demands of the man, the ex and his other children.

Youseethethingis · 06/11/2021 20:05

@Tattler2
More waffle that I can't even be bothered to read.
Bottom line, if your partner treats you like shit, if you are in any way emotionally invested then that will make you feel a bit shit.
Comparison to neighbors is silly so won't even go there.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 06/11/2021 20:12

[quote Tattler2]@Youseetresponses, the
Clearly, there are no uniform or nature ordained responses to situations or there would not be so many complaints about the way partner, exs , or step children respond to various situations. Obviously, there are a multitude of ways to respond to different situations as evidenced by the various situations described on MN.

To me, what is not normal is blaming someone else for a response over which you have control. My neighbor may say something unkind or insensitive to me.that is her action; the way in which I respond, is my action and in my control.

If I chose to give my neighbor so much control in my life, then I as saying my life matters so little to me that I am willing to cede control to others. I may be hurt by my neighbors insensitivity but it does not prevent me from experiencing normal joy or pleasure in any aspect of my life. I might think " I wish that they felt differently or I might say different strokes for different folks, but in either case the control would be mine.

Again, it is fine to be willing to let others control your responses, ; for me ,the problem is not owning your responsibility in ceding that control. I should not blame you for taking that which I willingly give up to you.[/quote]
If you are sitting down to eat your favourite meal and someone comes and takes a shit on the table would you still eat it? Would you enjoy it?

Someone doesn't have to physically force to either ruin something for you or stop you from doing it.

Tattler2 · 06/11/2021 21:43

@AccidentallyOnPurpose
You win, I don't even have a clue to how to respond to a comment that compares an expresed difference of opinion between partners to having someone defecate on a dining table.

One involves a disgusting and possibly illegal act and the other is involves 2 people expressing opinions about which they may each have deep feelings and opinions

cowburp · 06/11/2021 22:03

It may be a deep feeling or opinion but if it's going to damage your partner you shut up and get therapy. You don't just blurt out whatever you're feeling if it is potentially hurtful (the shit) at one of what will potentially be the happiest time of someone's life with their Newborn (the dinner).

BadlyFormedQuestion · 07/11/2021 08:32

@cowburp

It may be a deep feeling or opinion but if it's going to damage your partner you shut up and get therapy. You don't just blurt out whatever you're feeling if it is potentially hurtful (the shit) at one of what will potentially be the happiest time of someone's life with their Newborn (the dinner).
Especially if your partner isn’t allowed to do the same.
Enough4me · 07/11/2021 20:15

@Tattler2

You are completely missing emotional intelligence and attachment in your description.

"If you allow your partner's opinions to control your feelings on any subject or experience, that is not him controlling you ,instead that is you willingly ceding control of your feelings. Fixing that situation means changing your responses rather than his opinions."

A partners expression of opinions change our feelings, that's why we like them, trust them, fall in love with them, care what they think.

If OPs partner holds a low opinion of her she will stop liking him, stop trusting and loving him and they may as well go their separate ways.

sassbott · 07/11/2021 21:43

@Tattler2, I am one divorce down. One post divorce relationship down. I am older and much much wiser.

What I will say is this. I understand the point you are trying to make. At the core, you are talking about having deep levels of resiliency, knowing your mind, having faith in your direction and effectively giving zero f**s as to what anyone else (including your partner) thinks. In such circumstances, the partner should be able to say ‘xyz bothers me.’ The OP should be able to take it on and do what is right for her - adapt slightly/ disregard and continue as is. She has choices once her partner has been honest.

Tbh, how you’ve described reactions is exactly how I now operate. I’m clear about who I am, what I am looking for and my exp was free to say how he felt about xyz. I was then free to react as I wished. I could feel bad about myself or take on board his comments and make changes and/ or a myriad of other options. What I chose to do was end the relationship as we both clearly wanted very different things. Fine. By the time I ended it I had detached to such an extent, the ending of the relationship made very little difference to my day to day.

That’s the black and white covered.

The years leading up to my teaching this point however were not that clear cut or remotely straightforward. I would describe It as death via a million cuts. My exp could say some deeply cruel things to me; as regarded how I showed up to the relationship and how involved I was with his children. They are comments we see time and again on these boards.

I loved him. So hearing those sorts of comments from someone you love? It hurts - I imagine it would hurt most people. It can make the sanest person question themselves. Their reality. Their own feelings and sense of right/ wrong. It can be a very disorientating experience actually.

I would say that the realm of attempting to ‘Step parent’ is without doubt the hardest thing in my life I have ever had to navigate (and I’ve dealt with some shit).

You’re right though. My expartner had every right to voice his needs. I had a choice every time I stayed. Or engaged in another argument. Or listened to the passive aggressive comments designed to take the wind out of my sails.

The only way I got to the place that you describe? Is through therapy. Really working on myself to understand what I wanted. Detaching massively from my partner. To such an extent that when words left his mouth? I disregarded them in their entirety. About a week before I ended the relationship, we had a ‘discussion’. Where he said some not very nice things? My response? I laughed. And meant it. Nothing he said even touched the sides. I had moved to operating in the manner you describe so well, I owned my actions, reactions and feelings.

That’s when I realised that the relationship was over. Why? I didn’t wish to exist in a relationship where that’s what was happening. I think most people don’t. We want the ones we love to care and put thought into their actions and words. We want them to think about us and our needs, in amongst theirs/ the children etc. We want to feel supported and cared for. Not told that our core ways of showing love and cherishing what is important to us is somehow wrong. And when the inevitable happens (where there is a disagreement), we still want to believe there isn’t something bubbling away underneath, causing real dysfunction in the relationship. Something out of our control? Like jealousy. Or guilt. Or Disney dadding. Or just myopic obsession over the children from the previous family.

My journey from where I was to where I am, was deeply hurtful. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone hurt me as much as in my past relationship. I take full responsibility for allowing it as I had a choice and could have left years ago. What’s my point?

Words hurt. Especially from those you love and who are close to. Humans are deeply complicated. We carry with us our own traumas and baggage.

I can hear you when you say what you say. But very few people in these situations (struggling) get there overnight.

For you to think and see the world this way? You are either this sort of personality type. Or you’re very fortunate in your current relationship. In so much that you can trust your husband/ partner is coming from a good / healthy place, minus any dysfunction. And have these conversations in a very straightforward way.

Most people aren’t there. I would take that into account when you post your views.

LittleMysSister · 08/11/2021 11:36

To me, what is not normal is blaming someone else for a response over which you have control. My neighbor may say something unkind or insensitive to me.that is her action; the way in which I respond, is my action and in my control.

If I chose to give my neighbor so much control in my life, then I as saying my life matters so little to me that I am willing to cede control to others. I may be hurt by my neighbors insensitivity but it does not prevent me from experiencing normal joy or pleasure in any aspect of my life. I might think " I wish that they felt differently or I might say different strokes for different folks, but in either case the control would be mine.

I just can't understand this logic though, are you saying that nothing your husband ever does or says could affect your happiness?

It's not a neighbour, it's someone you're living with day in, day out. You can't just shake it off as 'different strokes for different folks' when it's your life partner constantly criticising you for something where you feel that you've done nothing wrong?

I don't really see how anyone could maintain a successful relationship if the attitude of both parties is to just ignore what the other wants/thinks all the time, because they think "that's just their opinion and why should it affect me?"

I would have to be incredibly detached from my DP in order to feel like that. Tbh I would think we should split up if I felt that way.

Tattler2 · 08/11/2021 12:31

@LittleMysSister
We do not ignore each others wants and needs. Generally, we typically want and enjoy the same things. That is in part what led us to get together initially, but we have never Bern of the opinion that in order to be happy we have to agree about everything. We recognize that we can have differing opinions and differing thoughts and still love each other.

When we got together and the reason that it works for us is that we needed to be compatible but we never needed to be clones of the other.

Sensitivity for us is important and we do not require that either of us misrepresent their thoughts ,feelings, or emotions in the name of sensitivity. When we can no longer be honest with each other without threatening our relationship, then we would both know that we really no longer have the relationship that we wish to have.

We were both happy people when we met. We had lives in which there was space for the other and lives that we felt were compatible. We did not need the other to make us happy as we were a!ready happy. We were inviting each other to share in our existing happiness.

There is quite a difference in being sad because we discover an experience that we can't share but it does not cause us to be unhappy. It is an awesome burden to place responsibility for your happiness or unhappiness on another person. It is also , in my opinion, somewhat arrogant to think that you are responsible for someone 's happiness or unhappiness.

aSofaNearYou · 08/11/2021 12:35

@Tattler2 And yet when your DP would come to you with complaints about your children squabbling, you found it extremely tiresome and wanted him to stop?

Also, nobody thinks their partner id responsible for their happiness. They think they have the power to affect it with their words and actions. Very different things.

LittleMysSister · 08/11/2021 12:55

@Tattler2

I think there is a difference between not agreeing on everything and your partner consistently criticising you on certain things though? They are 2 very different topics.

In OP's case for instance, she is dealing with her DH consistently criticising her approach to parenting their child because he'd prefer she did something different. He has not approached her once with his opinion, but is consistently digging at her every time it crops up to try and push her to change to do something that pleases him more.

My DP and I don't agree on everything by any means, but if he was consistently criticising me on one subject it would upset me. Can you honestly not see how that could make somebody feel upset and beaten down?

There is a huge difference between being honest in your opinion and repeatedly criticising your partner to try and force a change in their behaviour.

LittleMysSister · 08/11/2021 13:00

We were both happy people when we met. We had lives in which there was space for the other and lives that we felt were compatible. We did not need the other to make us happy as we were a!ready happy. We were inviting each other to share in our existing happiness.

There is quite a difference in being sad because we discover an experience that we can't share but it does not cause us to be unhappy. It is an awesome burden to place responsibility for your happiness or unhappiness on another person. It is also , in my opinion, somewhat arrogant to think that you are responsible for someone 's happiness or unhappiness.

I don't really understand how this is relevant. OP is not relying on her husband's approval to find happiness in her baby, but she is - understandably to most of us - being negatively affected by his frequent criticism.

People don't usually rely solely on their partner for their happiness, but the relationship should constitute part of that happiness, surely? It's not just an extra addition to your life - for most people, their romantic relationship is a very central tenet of their lives.

Tattler2 · 08/11/2021 23:43

@LittleMysSister
You may have hit on what is an essential difference in my relationship.
We saw our decision to marry as the opportunity to merge two happy lives to share that happiness with each other. The relationship was just another happy extension to the central tenet of our lives.

We never disagree with each other for purposes of making the other unhappy. We love each other to know that when there is a major difference about something significant, it is because we each feel strongly about it. Neither would expect the other simply not express an opinion about something that is significantly important to them for fear of upsetting the other. We have too much love and respect for each other to expect that of the other.

The OP rightfully speaks about her first child experience, but she is just one of several having a first time experience. This is the first time that the husband is creating a half sibling relationship for his children. This is the first time that these children are having a sibling that was not parented by both their mother and father. For the ex ,this is the first time that her children have a sibling to whom she did not give birth. These are all significant first for all of these people and no one's experience is necessarily more impactful than the other on the particular individuals.

Enough4me · 09/11/2021 00:29

@Tattler2, its great that you can critically analyse your relationship and draw conclusions that meet your needs but, when it's summarised here, he is being mean by saying unfair things to OP. She has the right to feel sad and to wonder where it's all coming from.

FrenchBoule · 09/11/2021 01:16

@Tattler2 nobody and nothing trumps the motherhood. OP wants to prioritise her child over stepchildren and enjoy her possibly only one chance of motherhood. What’s wrong with that?

For every mother HER children come first.

Her DH demands the same attention for HIS children which OP is not a parent of.
She’s quite right to tell him to FO as her stepkids have both parents to see them and they are less dependent because they are not babies.

aSofaNearYou · 09/11/2021 08:20

*You may have hit on what is an essential difference in my relationship.
We saw our decision to marry as the opportunity to merge two happy lives to share that happiness with each other. The relationship was just another happy extension to the central tenet of our lives.

We never disagree with each other for purposes of making the other unhappy. We love each other to know that when there is a major difference about something significant, it is because we each feel strongly about it. Neither would expect the other simply not express an opinion about something that is significantly important to them for fear of upsetting the other. We have too much love and respect for each other to expect that of the other.*

I notice you're not responding to me pointing out how even you have contradicted this in past posts on this forum...

LittleMysSister · 09/11/2021 09:29

[quote Tattler2]@LittleMysSister
You may have hit on what is an essential difference in my relationship.
We saw our decision to marry as the opportunity to merge two happy lives to share that happiness with each other. The relationship was just another happy extension to the central tenet of our lives.

We never disagree with each other for purposes of making the other unhappy. We love each other to know that when there is a major difference about something significant, it is because we each feel strongly about it. Neither would expect the other simply not express an opinion about something that is significantly important to them for fear of upsetting the other. We have too much love and respect for each other to expect that of the other.

The OP rightfully speaks about her first child experience, but she is just one of several having a first time experience. This is the first time that the husband is creating a half sibling relationship for his children. This is the first time that these children are having a sibling that was not parented by both their mother and father. For the ex ,this is the first time that her children have a sibling to whom she did not give birth. These are all significant first for all of these people and no one's experience is necessarily more impactful than the other on the particular individuals.[/quote]
It sounds like it works for you to compartmentalise your life in this way, which is great, but I really don't think most people think of it like this. For me, my relationship with my partner is central to my life (as are other things like friends and family) and him constantly trying to pressure me and criticising the little things I do for our child would really wear me down.

I don't think anybody disagrees with their partner for the purposes of making them unhappy? Again, in OP's case we are not just talking about a disagreement but frequent picking at things she is doing. It's more than just a disagreement, it's cropping up every time something occurs that he's not happy with - the only thing that would stop him acting this way is for OP to either stop doing the things she's doing with/for her child or for her to start doing it all for her SCs.

I agree that OP is not the only one having a first-time experience, but it does seem that she is the only one being criticised and nagged for how she is handling it.