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Original poster

Just ended it because I don’t like his kids

586 replies

toobusytothink · 20/08/2021 15:07

Feeling really sad. Been with my bf for nearly 3 years. Don’t live together but he is here 9 nights out of 14 and with his kids the other 5 nights. Took it very slowly and only met his kids for first time last summer. Just back from holiday with his 2 kids (7 and 5) and my 2 kids who are teenagers. I just hated it. Just got back and he asked why I disliked his kids so much. I didn’t deny that I do and told him if that’s how he felt he should be ending things… so he has ended it. Says I’m horrible to feel that way about 2 young kids. Think that’s what I secretly hoped for. But I’m so so so so sad … and a horrible horrible person. I genuinely wanted it to work but know it can’t

OP posts:
Original poster
toobusytothink · 27/08/2021 08:58

@EmeraldShamrock read the full thread before making incorrect comments

OP posts:
Original poster
toobusytothink · 27/08/2021 08:59

@thebugontherug that’s what you got from this? It was a joke in response to a pp but god forbid we have a laugh on here 🙄

OP posts:
thebugontherug · 27/08/2021 09:17

OP it was TMI for me. When you say "that's what you got from this?" I don't understand, do you mean the whole thread? You started the thread very convincingly explaining why the relationship couldn't continue with a lot of good reasons and soul searching and sadness and regret and you got a lot of helpful support about this. You then did a complete 180 degrees at the end and said you were now back together and it is all great, everyone's happy. I didn't get anything from it other than confusion, the explanations in your final post didn't make any sense at all to me. But I wish you the best of luck with it all.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/08/2021 09:53

EmeraldShamrock read the full thread before making incorrect comments
I did. His parenting skills are lacking, he can place the blame on his ex for his DC bad diet, sleep routine, tantrums, or he can take responsibility and sort it out.
I imagine seeing them 2.5 days per week doesn't help them.

theleafandnotthetree · 27/08/2021 10:09

[quote toobusytothink]@thebugontherug that’s what you got from this? It was a joke in response to a pp but god forbid we have a laugh on here 🙄[/quote]
Ah OP, ignore the po-faced crowd. Good for you, we could all do with some great sex in our lives. It sounds like you have your head well screwed on and that he is getting there!

Plumtree391 · 27/08/2021 20:08

toobusytothink: it would be like living 2 segregated lives.

What's wrong with that?

Original poster
toobusytothink · 28/08/2021 09:03

@EmeraldShamrock clearly not as he used to have kids 50:50 until ex put a stop to it a few months ago… he’s having to go through the court to get it reinstated but even though still has them 5 nights per 14, not EOW as you stated

OP posts:
Original poster
toobusytothink · 28/08/2021 09:04

@Plumtree391 absolutely nothing if we’re both happy with it. I am and think he’s got his head around it now too. It’s not as if he can’t talk to me about his kids and what he’s up to. I love hearing about it and knowing he’s with them. Fingers crossed it works

OP posts:
theleafandnotthetree · 28/08/2021 09:14

@Plumtree391

toobusytothink: it would be like living 2 segregated lives.

What's wrong with that?

Exactly! I'd much rather deal with the compromises of a segregated life than the possible dramas and hurt to others of trying and failing to fit two sets of people together in a way that just doesnt work. The 'ideal' or the simple option is gone when the first family or families break up and ANY other options have to be carefully weighted to meet the needs of the maximum number of people possible. In the more or less segregated lives scenario - and of course there are degrees of segregation - usually the only people who 'suffer' are the couple who miss one another, etc. It is very hard (and probably different) for single parents with little or no support or time away from their children but I really think that for people like myself in 50/50 scenario or like the OPs, the segregated approach is often the least bad option.
AcrossthePond55 · 29/08/2021 14:40

[quote toobusytothink]@Plumtree391 absolutely nothing if we’re both happy with it. I am and think he’s got his head around it now too. It’s not as if he can’t talk to me about his kids and what he’s up to. I love hearing about it and knowing he’s with them. Fingers crossed it works[/quote]
For sure! Just because you don't want to be involved with his DC it doesn't mean you don't care about his relationship with them. Quite the opposite in fact. You're willing to sacrifice a little time together to insure that he has the time he needs with them, and you with yours.

Win/win as far as I'm concerned

Ambernectarine22 · 01/09/2021 21:59

I’m going to confess to not having read the whole thread but I feel for you OP, I really do. I had to ask my dp to move out with his sons because I found living with them difficult and knew it was going to cause more and more issues. Like you, I love my dp (and had even secretly planned our wedding for one day in the future). It’s all turned to shit now, but I hope you are learning to enjoy time alone, and enjoying your time with your dc more now that it’s just you and them. X

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