To say it shouldn't be replaced.

[Woweee2]

My DSCs room is absolutely disgusting. I've spoken to DH about it several times and we have both discussed it with DC. There is rubbish in there, we had to disallow food and drink there because they just couldn't be trusted with it but DH still allows them to have "treats" up there on the weekend so bits of sweets/chocolate and so on.

Everything is all over the floor, toys, clothes, books, even their more expensive items like iPads and computer. I've warned them before that something is going to get broken if they don't look after it.

I went in there the other day to put their washing on the bed and as usual there is crap all other the floor. Basically I stood on an object and it's broken. DC was a bit upset, husband making soothing sounds about replacing it don't worry.

AIBU to say under no circumstances am I just going out and replacing it when they were warned repeatedly that leaving it on the floor would get it broken.

FWIW it's a tablet, they also have a computer so not without anything they can use.

I don't see why we should just go out and buy another just because the inevitable has now happened, it's tough imo. Perhaps if they show they can keep their room how it should be they can have one in the future again but not now.

WWYD?

Yes but, iPads are actually quite tough. You'd have to walk on it quite forcefully to smash the screen. Certainly, you'd need to have shoes on. An iPad screen doesn't smash that easily and not by being knocked by the side of a foot.

I have autistic kids who threw iPads around, even out of the window at one point and it (somehow!) Survived

If a dc cannot keep their room clean they are probably lacking the skills to do so and it’s a dp’s job to work on those skills. Telling them to clean up or threatening, or cajoling is lazy parenting.

Realistically they need to start with a clean and tidy room and help them keep it that way by tidying up at regular intervals (eg teaching that in the morning beds are turned down, laundry is put in the hamper, clothes hung and windows opened) and in the evening toys are cleared away, glasses brought down to the kitchen, curtains closed for the night, etc).

Expecting a dc to clean up a disgusting room when they haven’t yet gained the discipline and skills to manage the maintenance is banging your head off a brick wall. But having to do it as an adult is a good reminder to keep on top of the dc and build better skills.

So in this case, I’d suggest that the df cleans the room, guides and supports the dc through those morning and evening routines until they are independent, and sets a six week tidy room challenge to earn the iPad back (either new or repaired).

Just to add I’m not getting at you op. Although my tone is probably a bit sharp. But, in the same way that skills need to be broken down and shown to dc, it might help to spell it out to your dh.
Parenting skills aren’t intuitive either

@Itsnotover

Yes but, iPads are actually quite tough. You'd have to walk on it quite forcefully to smash the screen. Certainly, you'd need to have shoes on. An iPad screen doesn't smash that easily and not by being knocked by the side of a foot.

I have autistic kids who threw iPads around, even out of the window at one point and it (somehow!) Survived

It really depends, it's quite easy to hit an iPad at the wrong spot and cause it to smash, it won't every time but sometimes you just get unlucky.

@Itsnotover

Yes but, iPads are actually quite tough. You'd have to walk on it quite forcefully to smash the screen. Certainly, you'd need to have shoes on. An iPad screen doesn't smash that easily and not by being knocked by the side of a foot.

I have autistic kids who threw iPads around, even out of the window at one point and it (somehow!) Survived

All it takes is the right angle or some thing to be on top of it to create pressure. I don't like some of these accusations that the OP has done it deliberately. If I got accused of that by my DP that would be the last time I did anyones washing but my own.

If I stepped on my dd’s tablet because it was under a pile of crap on the floor of her bedroom, I would see this as an opportunity for her to learn how to look after her stuff better. (I’d still be pretty mad at her for leaving it on the floor).

I would actually replace the tablet. However, it will remain in my possession and she can use it while sitting at the kitchen table.

Then I would explain the terms of being able to have full ownership of the tablet: showing me a commitment to learning how to tidy, organise and look after her stuff. I would communicate specific objectives she is to achieve, rather than a vague statement like clean your room or look after your stuff better.

Tidying and organising is a skill that needs to be taught.

@Oceanbliss I agree that at some point it should be replaced. The factors here I think are relevant, are 1) that the child is 12 and more than old enough to understand the repeated instruction not too leave it on the floor because exactly this kind of accident is waiting to happen, and 2) the father rushing to console the child because the accident has happened and suggesting "you poor thing, it will be replaced immediately"

A new tablet at Christmas would be appropriate. For the next 5 months, the child will have to struggle on watching videos on their £800 laptop instead. Because the message "you disrespected the valuable item, and disrespected our instructions, we're so sorry, we must replace this additional electronic device because you left it somewhere you were warned it could get damaged, all our fault" is not a healthy message to send the child.

This message needs to come from DH. Who can explain that if, going forward, the room is kept in a tidy state, a new tablet at Christmas is an option. As in, we're not just getting you a new one for the same thing to happen, so you need to demonstrate that it won't, and then we are happy to replace it.

@thelegohooverer

If a dc cannot keep their room clean they are probably lacking the skills to do so and it’s a dp’s job to work on those skills. Telling them to clean up or threatening, or cajoling is lazy parenting.

Realistically they need to start with a clean and tidy room and help them keep it that way by tidying up at regular intervals (eg teaching that in the morning beds are turned down, laundry is put in the hamper, clothes hung and windows opened) and in the evening toys are cleared away, glasses brought down to the kitchen, curtains closed for the night, etc).

Expecting a dc to clean up a disgusting room when they haven’t yet gained the discipline and skills to manage the maintenance is banging your head off a brick wall. But having to do it as an adult is a good reminder to keep on top of the dc and build better skills.

So in this case, I’d suggest that the df cleans the room, guides and supports the dc through those morning and evening routines until they are independent, and sets a six week tidy room challenge to earn the iPad back (either new or repaired).

This is a good point. my dd12 likes her room tidy but struggles to part with old things or sort/organise so she knows where things are, so can quickly turn into a minihoarder. Even sometimes reminding her it’s good to save clean-enough jeans for another day but to put sports kit straight in the wash, helping her to change her bedding herself, getting her to dust her bits on her shelf etc.

I won’t always be there to do this for her.

I would not lose this as an opportunity for DC to learn from this, I would get DF to do what legohoover suggested, 6 weeks is sensible timeframe.

Sometimes you only learn to take better care of your things after losing or breaking something you value… I think as parents we have to resist the urge to swoop in and fix it instantly.

I'd make them wait until Christmas for a new one and hopefully the months without it will make them value it more. Definitely wouldn't get one instantly or there's no lesson to be learnt.

In the house that I work to pay for, maintain and clean there are no off limits spaces. My tween kids have privacy in that I'll knock before I go in but it's not their 'private' space that I have no right to enter. Absolutely agree with the op and pps that they'd been warned repeatedly. It was left in a stupid place and the op broke it whilst doing something for them. A significant delay in replacing until they can show more respect and care is 100% appropriate and they could potentially contribute by earning ££ for additional chores (not normal ones that they should be doing anyway).