To say it shouldn't be replaced.

[Woweee2]

My DSCs room is absolutely disgusting. I've spoken to DH about it several times and we have both discussed it with DC. There is rubbish in there, we had to disallow food and drink there because they just couldn't be trusted with it but DH still allows them to have "treats" up there on the weekend so bits of sweets/chocolate and so on.

Everything is all over the floor, toys, clothes, books, even their more expensive items like iPads and computer. I've warned them before that something is going to get broken if they don't look after it.

I went in there the other day to put their washing on the bed and as usual there is crap all other the floor. Basically I stood on an object and it's broken. DC was a bit upset, husband making soothing sounds about replacing it don't worry.

AIBU to say under no circumstances am I just going out and replacing it when they were warned repeatedly that leaving it on the floor would get it broken.

FWIW it's a tablet, they also have a computer so not without anything they can use.

I don't see why we should just go out and buy another just because the inevitable has now happened, it's tough imo. Perhaps if they show they can keep their room how it should be they can have one in the future again but not now.

WWYD?

Not all of them. I don’t like it when posters write off a whole group of the population as being utterly vile and just shrug as if it’s inevitable. It’s not.

I agree. Teenagers are individuals and not all as messy/disgusting as described. It's like saying all stepmothers are xyz. No they aren't.

AIBU to say under no circumstances am I just going out and replacing it when they were warned repeatedly that leaving it on the floor would get it broken.

I think it should be replaced. Maybe not immediately, but it should be replaced, as you broke it.

Going forwards...leave the room/washing for dad to sort out.

What’s DH saying about it?

It’s his kids and his kids mess.

Only issue is that I wouldn’t want to teach them that you don’t have to take responsibility if you break something. That could be a slippery slope for if they break stuff in future.

If it’s a glass fix, maybe make them pay half? And DH pay the other half seeing as he isn’t forcing his kids to clean their room or sorting their washing.

I'm in two minds. Part of me thinks they've had fair warning, now its punishment. On the one hand you know SC is messy and has stuff strewn around so you need to take more care - if not for your own safety- not just walk across a pile of stuff and hope for the best. Its your DH's job to make sure his children keep their room tidy, perhaps get him into the habit of supervising a quick clean up before they go back home? I guess as his father its also his decision to replace the tablet.

Also be careful, under similar circumstances my mate decided to take such a stand so her DH went out and bought a nee upgraded model that they could ill afford to make a point.

But that house (blended family) is fight club anyway.

To PP saying why was she in there... how dare OP have gone in to the sacred private space of her step children to deliver their washing and above all not managed to complete the ninja level assault course taking in to account that expensive items may be lurking beneath piles of clothing on the floor

The fact these are step children is a total red herring. It's irrelevant. They didn't look after the item and now it's broken. Tough.

If DH wants to replace it he can do that with his own money and if I was you OP I'd not be doing or delivering their washing or entering their room in the future. Let him do it all.

You could have actually injured yourself.

Only issue is that I wouldn’t want to teach them that you don’t have to take responsibility if you break something. That could be a slippery slope for if they break stuff in future.

I'd be more concerned about teaching them that not looking after your valuables is okay because they'll just get replaced on someone else's dime. Or that ignoring what your parents have asked you to do is okay because there are no consequences for that.

I don't get it when poster's compare the adult who owns the house with the children in it.

My kids don't go in my room because I'm an adult, they have no need to be in my bedroom and they aren't the ones who get to tell me to tidy up, that's my job.

Children are children and I don't believe for a second that the majority of parents on MN don't ever enter their 8 or 12 year olds room without permission or allow them to trash it and be careless with expensive items that have been bought by them, because it's 'their space'.

If I tell my child to make sure they do something, or stop doing something in this case, I expect them to listen. Especially when it comes to things that will then cost me money if they don't.

They were told if they left it on the floor it would get stood on. Now look. Natural consequences. My kids would be earning it back or getting another for Christmas maybe.

On the one hand you know SC is messy and has stuff strewn around so you need to take more care

Or the SC needs to take note and stop being so messy?

YANBU OP. Your DH is.
I'd perhaps offer to pay half of it if dSc could earn the other half through chores and also demonstrate ability to look after possessions. However that would depend on the dynamics of all behaviour to be honest.
I absolutely would not just replace it.
On occasion here I have cleared what is on the floor in to a bin bag and thrown it out - after giving plenty of warning.

I certainly wouldn't wait to be given permission or be invited into my 12-year-olds room. If I want to enter a room in my own house that I pay for and that I am responsible for then I will. When they're old enough to pay rent that's a different matter but until then, err I'll go where I want in my house and I'll also expect them to respect the house they live in and the other people that live there.

Then again, I don't expect my children to wait to be invited into my room if they want to go get something they can, if I'm in there and they want to come to talk to me they can. They get a fair warning if I'm going to be getting changed etc.

@99ProblemsPlus1 oh I agree they need to also learn to take care of their valuables.

It shouldn’t have been on the floor. Their DH shouldn’t be allowing their room to be a pigsty and yes this is a natural consequence.

BUT

Next time the kids break something that isn’t theirs (which happens) the response could easily be ‘but you shouldn’t have left it there so it’s not my fault’.

I think a midway resolution is best. Maybe tell them it will be fixed in 6 weeks so they feel the pain of having to wait rather than a blanket fuck it.

I can sense your frustration coming through your OP and I feel like you are possibly being so defensive and assuring yourself you are right because part of you does feel bad/guilty as you stood on and broke an expensive item.

I do think whether or not it is replaced, is actually up to their father. They are his children.

your posts*

Everything is all over the floor, toys, clothes, books, even their more expensive items like iPads and computer. I've warned them before that something is going to get broken if they don't look after it.

There are 2 problems here. One is replace/don't replace. The other is fire risk and invalidating your home insurance.

I'm another vote for getting them to work for a replacement. Maybe go 50/50 on cost so you show them that you take responsibility for your (small) part. On the washing, could you stuff the clean things in a bin bag and lob them over to the bed?

On the fire risk, you need to give this some thought. If you get a spark from something, and the room is stuffed to the gills, the whole room could be alight before you could get to the door. Remember Grenfell Towers.
Take a look at these images and make your own judgement...
hoardingdisordersuk.org/research-and-resources/clutter-image-ratings/

@99ProblemsPlus1 did you read the next sentence, where I said DH should ensure his children tidy?

And if I left my phone on the drive and my husband ran over it should he replace that? Or would it be my fault for leaving it where it shouldn't be in the first place?

This isn't the same, as you know DSC generally keeps things on the floor, so it's not unreasonable to say you could have been more cautious and expected it. DSC has form for leaving stuff on the floor...it's bit a surprise...in fact it was just a matter of time till it got broken tbh.

I wouldn't replace it in a hurry, as it shouldn't have been on the floor, but if I was in your situation, I would stay out of the room and be more handsoff as a result of this.

It is irresponsible to keep valuable items that can break so carelessly on the floor. No argument with that.

@99ProblemsPlus1

Only issue is that I wouldn’t want to teach them that you don’t have to take responsibility if you break something. That could be a slippery slope for if they break stuff in future.

I'd be more concerned about teaching them that not looking after your valuables is okay because they'll just get replaced on someone else's dime. Or that ignoring what your parents have asked you to do is okay because there are no consequences for that.

I don't get it when poster's compare the adult who owns the house with the children in it.

My kids don't go in my room because I'm an adult, they have no need to be in my bedroom and they aren't the ones who get to tell me to tidy up, that's my job.

Children are children and I don't believe for a second that the majority of parents on MN don't ever enter their 8 or 12 year olds room without permission or allow them to trash it and be careless with expensive items that have been bought by them, because it's 'their space'.

If I tell my child to make sure they do something, or stop doing something in this case, I expect them to listen. Especially when it comes to things that will then cost me money if they don't.

They were told if they left it on the floor it would get stood on. Now look. Natural consequences. My kids would be earning it back or getting another for Christmas maybe.

This ^ . Never met a MN parent in the wild who would say this stuff out loud to other actual parents only online.

I wouldn’t replace it. They were warned. They obviously don’t care if they left it in the floor.

"They aren't a housemate. They are children. Do people really not expect their kids to keep their rooms tidy or only every step foot in if you're invited to?"

I totally agree with you. I really don't understand this not going into a child's room without permission. And my sons tablet stays downstairs as I know he would fall asleep with it on the bed and the next thing it would be on the floor in pieces - several radios have gone that way already but they're cheap!!

Tbh my tablet also stays downstairs for the same reason!!

If your dh does get another tablet then there would be conditions to them having it. Bedroom tidy and things put away at all times. Any repeat of tablet left on the floor and it would be taken off them!!

Oops bold fail!!

If their rooms are like this why are you even going in there (misses the point)?

You can simply leave clean clothes outside their doors (and why are you even doing that - also missing the point)!

DSC has form for leaving stuff on the floor...it's bit a surprise...in fact it was just a matter of time till it got broken tbh.

And that's exactly why it shouldn't be replaced, because they were told it will only be a matter of time and still continued to do it. They had opportunity to avoid this happening by not leaving it there when told not to.

@LunaMay

You broke it, you should replace it.

This. So you walked into the room and stepped on clothes or whatever it was covered with? Who does that?

I wouldn't replace it, but I would enable them to earn the money for a repair, by doing chores. I would also take a massive step back and make sure their father did their laundry and took care of their room.

Give your DH a choice. He replaces it but then you never go into your DSC’s room again and it will up to DH to do all the cleaning / tidying for his room. Or you replace but with strict behavioural conditions and the understanding that if he doesn’t meet them he loses it.

I agree that it should be replaced, at least not immediately.
They should have to keep their room tidy and show some responsibility. They’d have a list of chores to do, eg:
Keep room tidy
Put the bins out
Put the recycling out
Empty dishwasher

After a month of these jobs being completed regularly they would have earned their replacement tablet.