To say it shouldn't be replaced.

[Woweee2]

My DSCs room is absolutely disgusting. I've spoken to DH about it several times and we have both discussed it with DC. There is rubbish in there, we had to disallow food and drink there because they just couldn't be trusted with it but DH still allows them to have "treats" up there on the weekend so bits of sweets/chocolate and so on.

Everything is all over the floor, toys, clothes, books, even their more expensive items like iPads and computer. I've warned them before that something is going to get broken if they don't look after it.

I went in there the other day to put their washing on the bed and as usual there is crap all other the floor. Basically I stood on an object and it's broken. DC was a bit upset, husband making soothing sounds about replacing it don't worry.

AIBU to say under no circumstances am I just going out and replacing it when they were warned repeatedly that leaving it on the floor would get it broken.

FWIW it's a tablet, they also have a computer so not without anything they can use.

I don't see why we should just go out and buy another just because the inevitable has now happened, it's tough imo. Perhaps if they show they can keep their room how it should be they can have one in the future again but not now.

WWYD?

Not a chance I'd be replacing it and I wouldn't be entering the room again. From now on if Dh wants to continue mollycoddling them let him be the one to tidy up, do their clothes etc.

Weird some of the comments have the weird hint OP shouldn't be venturing into their room because it's their space (even though she also lives there). I wonder if those same people suggesting that if OP wasn't a SM and just a actual mum.

How odd would that be if people where saying I shouldn't go into my daughters as it's her space 🥴 and has every right to leave it a tip ? Or does that only apply to SMs. Odd flex tbh.

No don't replace, your not mean for not replacing you have to teach kids actions and consequences.

Also don't clean the room that's DH job. Your not a maid x

All the posters saying you should just leave the laundry outside the door, you must have much tidier teens than mine, at that age if you'd started piling stuff outside in the hall they'd have quite cheerfully left it there until the end of time, rooting through and knocking over the piles to find the thing they wanted, until gradually the accumulated piles would have spewed over the whole landing and down the stairs, tripping up the whole family in a giant laundry mountain and still they'd have grunted and gone 'what??? god you're so uptight!!!!' if this was pointed out and they were asked to clear it away . My rule always was that they could do what they liked within reason in their bedrooms but if their stuff had to actually go in the door and the door closed behind it first!

I do think he needs to be shown some consequences of his carelessness so I don't think it should be immediately replaced no questions asked, but on the other hand 12 is still young and you need to cut him a little slack. It's a long time to wait until Christmas or whenever is the next 'natural' opportunity to buy a new one as a gift, and presumably he doesn't get a huge allowance that would let him replace from his own money? I think the compromise suggested of letting him do chores to earn money to get it replaced is a good one - I was always a bit generous with my teens in that circumstance so they didn't feel it was a hopeless endeavour, so I'd pay a bit above the going rate from some chores and agreed the car could be washed every weekend when it didn't really need it! I found it somewhat effective with my careless/greedy teens to sit down with them and look up the cost of the broken/lost item or whatever it was they wanted and compare options, so a cheap or 2nd hand version compared to top of the line, and do the maths on how much lawn-mowing/dog-walking/car washing they'd have to do for each one - helped them re-evaluate whether the latest iphone was as truly essentially as they were saying wailing earlier, or if they even needed the thing at all, and also I think did make them be a little more careful with their possessions as they could look at each item and remember how much they had to do, or would have to do in future to 'earn' that. Not saying it turned them into paragons of tidiness or anything and there was plenty of incessant grumbling whilst doing the chores but I do think something lodged somewhere in their brains so every little helps!

I think you should replace it. You broke it! You went into their room uninvited, stood on it and broke it.

If THEY had broken it I would have thought it was a timely lesson and not replaced the tablet, but they didn't, you did. Although I do agree tidiness is important in communal spaces, I think people should be able to leave personal possessions wherever they want in their own bedroom.

I wouldn't have trodden on a pile of things on the floor to get to the bed. I would have left their things in the washing basket at the doorway. I'd find a way to meet them halfway because I don't believe it's acceptable to tread on someone's things because they (rightly!) shouldn't be on the floor. I wouldn't have done this to a messy housemate for instance.

I didn’t go into my girls rooms once they went to secondary school. If they kept it a midden they kept it a midden. Rule was dishes down before tea time or I’d go in to look for them when I noticed we had no glasses.

Piles of clothes in a wash basket outside the door and they both had a floordrobe but I didn’t iron. I washed, dried and put in their basket of crap and left it outside their door.

If it got cat hair it got cat hair.

I’m suggesting she doesn’t go in there because she shouldn’t have to put up with the state of grim, she might catch something. Not because it’s their private space. If their dad is fine with it being gross he can go in there and deal with it.

Agree @maxelly, if I left stuff outside their rooms, there it would remain forever and a day and I don't want to have to look at that either!

They aren't a housemate. They are children. Do people really not expect their kids to keep their rooms tidy or only every step foot in if you're invited to?

It's not comparable to a housemate. These are things that cost us money to both buy original and then replace if they get broken or lost through carelessness. Is it really unreasonable to expect a teen to look after expensive things that they have been bought? It's all well and good saying people can leave whatever they want wherever they want in their room but at the end of the day these things aren't cheap and we were the ones who bought them!

The laptop in there cost £800! So no I don't want them to chuck it 'wherever they want'.

At 12 I didn’t go into my kids rooms.

I wouldn’t have stood on a tablet because I wouldn’t have been in their rooms without their permission.

And that’s my own kids, so it’s not a step mum/kid thing.

Once they went to big school it was up to them.

I lived a long time in a one bed house in my head. And ignored their rooms completely.

DSC gets allergies if the cat is on his clothes which is also reason for no cat in bedroom rule. We can't just say if they get cat hair they get cat hair.

If they broke it, I wouldn’t replace it. Because that’s on them.

But you broke it not them.

Do you have insurance especially for the laptop?

Well then he would have allergies in my house. Natural consequence. (As long as not epipen level and just runny eyes nose etc)

It's not just 12 year olds room btw. Younger DSC shares with them who is 8

I still wouldn’t have gone in without their permission at that sort of age.

At 8 they can put their own washing away

They weren't there to put it away as I've already said.

So if they weren’t there why couldn’t they have sat in a basket til they were back? I’m sorry I’m confused

@Woweee2

If my husband left his watch on the floor under his dirty clothes and someone stood on it, the first thing I'd say was 'why the bloody hell did you leave it on the floor?'.

And I guarantee they wouldn't have 'known it was there' they chuck things wherever all over the place and then have to spend time trying to find them again when they want them.

I'd reply, "Why would you stand on dirty clothes?"

You damaged it, you replace it. It doesn't matter that it was on the floor in this instance, because you were aware that it might be there. You weren't careful enough given the knowledge you had.

@Woweee2

They aren't a housemate. They are children. Do people really not expect their kids to keep their rooms tidy or only every step foot in if you're invited to?

It's not comparable to a housemate. These are things that cost us money to both buy original and then replace if they get broken or lost through carelessness. Is it really unreasonable to expect a teen to look after expensive things that they have been bought? It's all well and good saying people can leave whatever they want wherever they want in their room but at the end of the day these things aren't cheap and we were the ones who bought them!

The laptop in there cost £800! So no I don't want them to chuck it 'wherever they want'.

My rule with teenagers was if you keep the door closed I won't look. If the door is left open I'll make you clean it up.

Chucking a laptop is different, if they break it I don't think you should replace it but if you stood on it I think you should.

My rule with teenagers was if you keep the door closed I won't look. If the door is left open I'll make you clean it up.

Same.

Not sure what's so confusing...

Myself and my husband put their clothes on their beds when they are washed. We both do this, DSC know we do this, we always have.

We don't leave them out in a basket because it's the best way to ensure the cat doesn't lie on them during the day as DSC is allergic.

We've also told them repeatedly that leaving valuable things on the floor will get them broken one day.

Your DSC are now older and what you used to do isn’t really working so you need to change it. That happens as kids grow.

@candlelightsatdawn

Weird some of the comments have the weird hint OP shouldn't be venturing into their room because it's their space (even though she also lives there). I wonder if those same people suggesting that if OP wasn't a SM and just a actual mum.

How odd would that be if people where saying I shouldn't go into my daughters as it's her space 🥴 and has every right to leave it a tip ? Or does that only apply to SMs. Odd flex tbh.

No don't replace, your not mean for not replacing you have to teach kids actions and consequences.

Also don't clean the room that's DH job. Your not a maid x

It works both ways, once my kids were senior school I didn't go into their rooms uninvited unless the door was left open which I took as an invite. They didn't go into my room uninvited either.

Again, same @ancientgran