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Original poster

To say they can't come?

177 replies

HegeHog · 02/08/2021 17:47

Long story short my husband has agreed that his kids can come to us later this week (not one of the usual days) which is absolutely fine. Their Mum had something on.

He was originally going to take the day off work, he is self employed so it's easier for him to take days off short notice.

I am off that day but I am meeting my Dad out for the day with our DD (mine and DHs). It was arranged long before this situation ever came up. I don't see my Dad much as he lives a bit away.

DH has now said he's really busy with work actually and can they not just come with me for the day. I feel like he agreed to his ex to look good and then almost immediately decided he was too busy actually and was hoping I'd just do it after agreeing.

AIBU to say no sorry I have plans. My Dad doesn't get to spend much time with his grandchild and I wanted this day to be between DD, her grandad and me just focused on her. We've really been looking forward to it. My DSC argue a lot between themselves sometimes (close in age) and I just don't want the dynamic of a day we've been looking forward to, changing with more kids to look after.

He agreed to it and should have thought if he was too busy with work beforehand.

OP posts:
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lunar1 · 02/08/2021 18:02

He's agreed to it, he can take the day off. Cheeky sod.

Laila747 · 02/08/2021 18:09

Yup, he agreed to it, so it’s up to him to sort out!

Intherightplace · 02/08/2021 18:11

Yep, he needs to take the day off.

WildingFae · 02/08/2021 18:12

Nope, tell him you have plans and he needs to take the day off.

Original poster
HegeHog · 02/08/2021 18:38

Thanks. I feel bad because technically yes they could come and it would probably be more entertaining than staying home with Dad but I don't want them to.

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 02/08/2021 18:47

Don't feel bad at all, he's being a CF. Even more so if he's making you feel bad for it, don't let him manipulate you into feeling that way.

PumpkinKlNG · 02/08/2021 19:00

I agree with you I would say no.

Wjevtvha · 02/08/2021 19:35

I would say no, I’ve had this situation in the past and agreed to DSD coming places and then been resentful that it’s very much changed the dynamic and plans so since then I’m quite firm about it

MeridianB · 02/08/2021 19:36

Totally up to him to fix this. Don’t change your plans.

Starseeking · 02/08/2021 19:38

YANBU. You already have plans that day (and even if you didn't, that's your time, not for someone else to decide what you are doing with it).

Your DH agreed to look after his DC that day, so he must honour his agreement, himself.

Janaih · 02/08/2021 20:12

Yanbu and he's being a cf. Hold firm!

clickychicky · 02/08/2021 20:13

You're fine. Carry on with your plans. Looking after his kids is between him and his ex, he doesn't get to agree to you looking after them without you kindly volunteering. If there is any hint of complaining when you say no then I'd spell it out to him. They are not your responsibility.

clickychicky · 02/08/2021 20:15

You also don't want grandad having to worry about how the DSC will feel if he fussed over his GD more, that's not fair on him.

Vanilla1Cookies · 02/08/2021 22:53

Don’t feel bad. If he was too busy with work he should of said no. It’s his problem.

Have a nice day with your dad.

JustATypo · 02/08/2021 22:57

His kids, up to him and his ex to look after. Cheeky and rude to agree to have them then just dump them on you!

Hekatestorch · 02/08/2021 22:59

Yanbu. Not a chance would I agree to have ds, extra days then palm him off and dp and change his plans.

He agreed. He needs to sort it.

lastcall · 02/08/2021 23:00

Nope. You have plans with your dad and his grandchild. He'll have to sort it out himself.

WimpoleHat · 02/08/2021 23:01

He agreed to it and should have thought if he was too busy with work beforehand.

This is the crux of it. Were you involved in the initial discussion? No. So it’s not your problem; not your “thing” to sort. No unpleasantness necessary - no hostility. But you have other plans. Perfectly reasonable.

blahblahblah321 · 02/08/2021 23:02

He's a cheeky beggar!

Justmuddlingalong · 02/08/2021 23:02

He made plans and has changed them. That doesn't mean that your plans have to change to accommodate him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/08/2021 23:04

They’re coming to see him. Why doesn’t he want to spend the day with them?

You’re not available for childcare as you’ll be out.

Hold firm or he’ll try this bs again.

Dave20 · 02/08/2021 23:07

Agree your husbands children are your husbands and his ex ‘s responsibility.
Besides, do they even know your dad? He isn’t their grandfather is he and I’d suspect he’d rather spend the day with just his grandchild and you.

Original poster
HegeHog · 02/08/2021 23:10

They do know my Dad and get on with him when they do see him but they aren't his GC and don't see him as or refer to him as their Grandad. He'd definitely prefer to spend the day just with us I imagine.

I think in my husband's head I'm going somewhere they would enjoy anyway so why not if he's busy with work. He doesn't understand because I don't want to and the day is about DD not them.

He says he hadn't realised how much work he had on, not sure I believe that.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 02/08/2021 23:19

It doesn’t matter how busy he is. He has responsibilities and he said he’d have them. He’ll find a way to make it work, as billions of other parents do.

Is he trying to make you feel bad?

Vanilla1Cookies · 02/08/2021 23:21

Then he needs to go back to his ex and say sorry but he has more work on them he thought.

It’s not your issue. He’s trying to make you feel bad.

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