Didn't clean their room. Mean?

[Cakeathon]

I'm a SAHM at the moment to joint DC with DH.

I did a clean of the house, changed sheets ect... the other day and left DSCs room. I haven't tidied their room in ages either. Frankly because it's disgusting and they have been asked multiple times to tidy it and it never gets done or ends up the same way in 2.5 seconds. They don't do anything in the house and I'm sick of it.

DH thinks I'm "mean" to tidy/clean the whole house except their room and change everyone's sheets except theirs. I've told him they are old enough to start helping with this themselves and that I'm not a slave who needs to clean disgusting rooms covered in rubbish.

For context, our DC is very small and not old enough to trash their room or clean it properly themselves.

DSC are 9 & 12.

I am aware this is an older child/teen "thing" but I refuse to deal with it when they are old enough to do so or at least help themselves. DH never makes them so I'm washing my hands of it.

You should change their bedding. Hoover

Can you explain why I should?

DH should tidy it.

@HollowTalk

I would forbid food in the bedrooms, tbh. I don't see why children that age should be eating there.

Have suggested this before. It happens for about a week then slides.

Your DH needs to help them and clean up after them. His kids, his responsibility.

DH should be responsible for their room, he is their parent. If he's happy for them to eat in there and make a mess then it's up to him to tidy it all up.

I think they are too young to take full responsibility for this, but you are not a maid. Your DH is their DF he should be doing this and teaching them not to leave plates in room etc.

OP. The only slight niggle I have is treating the kids differently. So you do it all for your (younger) child, but not the step kids

Obviously I treat them differently. They aren't the same age.

@rookiemere

I think they are too young to take full responsibility for this, but you are not a maid. Your DH is their DF he should be doing this and teaching them not to leave plates in room etc.

Perhaps so but my husband is more than old enough to 😃

He’s letting them down by not teaching them the basic life skills of caring for their surroundings. He’s letting you down by implying you exist to serve them.

Hold firm. Die on this hill. For everyone’s sake.

We’ve never had food or drinks in bedrooms or upstairs and DH has always tidied with them and done the cleaning in their room.

You’re taking exactly the right approach and I’d be pretty disgusted at how he thinks you’re obliged to do stuff he and his kids are apparently too good for.

I’d stop doing stuff for him till he bucks up his ideas.

OP. The only slight niggle I have is treating the kids differently. it's not treating them differently to say their parents are responsible for their rooms. I leave my DSC to make whatever mess they want in their own rooms. I can just shut the door when they aren't here. DH as their parent can clean it and I (and DH as DC's parent) can clean DC's room. However each parent decides to do that is up to them.

OP. The only slight niggle I have is treating the kids differently. So you do it all for your (younger) child, but not the step kids.

Let's hope she rocks the SC to sleep on the boob and puts them down for lots of tummy time, too.

I'm also very aware that they are both boys too. I think the world encourages men/boys to leave everything to women enough without my help.

@Cakeathon

I'm also very aware that they are both boys too. I think the world encourages men/boys to leave everything to women enough without my help.

Amen.

It sounds to me like your husband should be doing this with them before they leave. This way they get shown what to do and they know what is acceptable in their Dad's house. As it stands you get the work or you get to show them, not fair on the OP.

My 9 year old had to learn how to make a bed for a school residential, it's not a big job and he managed fine.

They know how to make beds. They have been shown before. They just can't be bothered.

@Cakeathon

I'm also very aware that they are both boys too. I think the world encourages men/boys to leave everything to women enough without my help.

Completely agree and look at their closet male role model…. … stand your ground OP. You’re not the one in the wrong.

@Cakeathon

They know how to make beds. They have been shown before. They just can't be bothered.

That's fine then. If they can't be bothered and DH can't be bothered then why should you, not their parent, be bothered?

Yes, ask why the female in the house should clean up after three perfectly capable males.

Loving the accusations of cruel! I think it’s crueller to wait on children and give them no life skills. SAHM doesn’t mean slave in my world. They need to do more and so does their dad. Why do you need to do everything

@SlothinSpirit

Yes, ask why the female in the house should clean up after three perfectly capable males.

Apparently it's nothing to do with that. It's because I did everyone else's except theirs.

No other room in the house is as disgusting as theirs though so 🤷‍♀️

I think his main problem is the bed sheets. That's what he thinks is mean.

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

Jesus thats cruel! Especially for the 9 year old. My DD is almost 9 and this isn’t expected of her; because she’s a child. Your DH is right and I would be seriously pissed off if I was him.

Assuming DH has no disabilities that prevent him from doing so, he can use his energy to tidy up after his own children rather than be pissed off.

Apparently it's nothing to do with that. It's because I did everyone else's except theirs

Surely that also means you have basically done your own room, and the rooms of the little children? That is a perfectly reasonable course of action.

@Cakeathon

I think his main problem is the bed sheets. That's what he thinks is mean.

He can just bung them in with all the rest of their washing though.

@Cakeathon

Last time I tidied their room the eldest said 'oh FINALLY'!!

Just saw this one! What a sense of entitlement!