Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

@Buttons294749

Why can't you have a high sleeper in the box too with your desk underneath? They do ones specifically for this

Great idea!

@Biffasum11

I need my office for work long term if I'm honest, will be fine for my maternity but once I'm back I'd have to reclaim the space after 6 months ... a deck with my monitors and chair. A bed wont fit in there too.

In that case, YABU. You can’t have all three bedrooms for your own use and leave your stepdaughter with no bedroom. I’d be appalled if I was your husband.

Bed and drawers (under) in boxroom for dsd.

You and baby share the other room.

Get a garden office. They can be done for good value. Move your work in there.

You've got loads of time to sort it - rest of pregnancy plus maternity leave.

Do NOT displace DSD completely. Keep her bedroom as it is. Or ask her if she's prefer the box room all to herself, without your clothes in it.

So give up your dressing room and give the kids the spare room. You really can't have everything in this situation...

Why can't dsd and baby share the spare room while you continue to use the box room as the office?

If you and your husband split and he has more children, would you be happy for your daughter to sleep on a sofa while his new children have lovely bedrooms?

Your answer to this is the answer to your question.

You and your child=2.5 rooms
Dp and his child =0.5 rooms

Hardly fair.

Turn box room into DSD room with a bit of overflow storage.

Turn 2nd bedroom into nursary/office. There are lots of instagram/Pinterest images of this combo. After all you are either working or have the baby home, not both. Can always take laptop downstairs in pinch during a nap.

Also sell some stuff, you don't need a dressing room when you can't even give every child a bedroom.

Just no way I'm working under a bed that doesn't look like it's adult sized... I'm not Harry Potter. I use three 24inch monitors a pc , a phone and a microphone. I also work 9/10 hours a day. That is for a kid doing their homework!!!

You really can't make her sleep on the sofa. Do your nursery and put a lovely day bed in there for when she comes to stay. Baby will be in with you for a while anyway

Okay so you have an office/box room, DSDs room, and your own room.

Will the desk fit in your room? (That's where ours is thanks to WFH and COVID).

Can you move the desk into the bigger room and put a bed in there for DSD?

Could you move the desk into the bigger room in the corner and turn the rest into a nursery?

Could you add a Murphy bed to the nursery so when she's there she can sleep in "their room"?

You have to imagine that she changes her mind and wants to live with her dad. What will you do then?

If you have no choices that will work, you need to give up the nursery idea until you're able to move. It sucks, but your husband will have 2 kids to care for and they're equal.

I would address it with DSD too so she feels involved with the decision.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Yabu.

So at the minute you have your room, your dressing room and your office. Dsd has to bunk in the dressing room and now your baby is coming along she gets bumped all together?

Move your clothes into your room.
Put dsd in the boxroom.
Baby and your office share the bigger room as you will either be on mat leave and not need the office or working and baby will be in childcare/with dad.

This is the best solution in my opinion (unless you can get a garden Room office as others have said, haven't RTFT).

OR you keep the baby in with you until you move, I guess.

Are you for real?? Fuck me.

And your husband doesn’t see any issue with turfing his daughter out of her bedroom for you to create your fantasy nursery that the baby won’t even need for the first 6-9 months? Are you going to let her sleep in the baby’s perfect new room until her usurper actually needs it, or will you have her sleeping on the sofa as soon as possible so that you can sit in your rocking chair whenever you fancy?

I look forward to reading your future threads about your angry stepdaughter who can’t stand you, her dad or her half sibling. You’ll deserve every hellish teenage year.

Ok, well it sounds like you aren’t willing to actually take any options on board. Keep your office and your lovely nursery and dressing room while your husband’s daughter sleeps on the couch, presumably bringing all her things with her in a weekend bag as she has no space for clothes or toys at her dad’s house.

Presumably you will be happy with the same treatment for your baby if you split up with her father in the future.

Op however you want to defend it taking away your stepdaughters bedroom, giving it two your new baby (who does not need a private bedroom) and sticking her on a blow up mattress is a horrible thing to.

You should frankly selfish. You don't get to be selfish when you have multiple children.

Wow, so you have a three bedroom house which is enough for you and DH to have a room, DSD to have a room and baby to have a room. But you're way more important that your DSD. Sounds like she doesn't even properly have her own room now because it's also your dressing room. How selfish can you be? One bedroom is your dressing room and the other is your office. But you want to kick DSD out of your dressing room and turn it into a nursery for your new baby. Fucking hell. The right thing to do is give DSD the box room. Baby has your dressing room. Everyone gets their own room. You'll have to find another solution for your dressing room and office.

@Biffasum11

Long term plan is buy a 4 bed the moment we can. But will realistically be 2 years away I'd say. The third room is tiny, it would be a struggle to get a bed in there and draws without a desk. I have quite a bit of equipment with my job.

You won’t need a four bedroom house if you make your step daughter sleep on the sofa for two years. She’ll see how unimportant she is and stop coming to visit… Maybe that’s your ideal solution though

Sorry but why does DSD need her own room? I assume she has her own room at her house, and is only with OP 12 times a year.

Crazy that people think that the people who live in the house and need the space 365 days a year should go without to accommodate DSD.

I say this as a step child who slept on a blow up in the living room and would be mortified of my baby half sister was made to give up her room!

Ok fine.
How about this one in the 2nd bedroom
www.wayfair.co.uk/children-nursery/pdp/just-kids-high-sleeper-bed-jkid2030.html#productDetailsDrawer

That will fit a cot under that (my youngest's cot would defo fit). Its also high enough that you won't bump your head when you out baby to sleep.

Sorted!

@titchy

Why can't dsd and baby share the spare room while you continue to use the box room as the office?

This also works as a solution with the two of them sharing the dressing room and you keep the box room as the office.

You may need to rethink your office arrangement. How much will you need it once you have a baby?

Oh I linked the wrong one but basically a higher version of that one would work

Move office into spare room and make it DSD’s room and use box room as nursery. Or keep the box room as office and they share a room once baby is old enough.