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Original poster

Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

777 replies

Biffasum11 · 10/07/2021 14:50

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

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somersault · 10/07/2021 15:33

Keep your baby in with you for the first year, then the baby shares with DSD before you move house for a year.

Feel this is a straightforward solution really.

What way would you want DSD to be treated if she was your daughter?

Elune · 10/07/2021 15:34

DD is 2 and her nursery is a glorified storage room still Grin It was barely used for the first six months, then she slept in there for a while, then decided she wanted to sleep back with me. Expecting number 2 so we will have to transition her into it, but it certainly hasn't been heavily used and the decoration has been meaningless to her.

When they're small they really don't care how it's decorated, so can't you just decorate the spare room in a nice way for both baby and DSD and when she comes to stay, baby can just sleep in with you for a couple of nights? Or they can share if baby is sleeping well by the time they're in their own room. Agree that a high sleeper would be a good idea, then you don't lose the floor space for nursery stuff if you need, but DSD still has a bed.

Haffdonga · 10/07/2021 15:35

Agree with PPs. Make the boxroom into a beautiful nursery. Make the dressing room into an office with pull out bed for DSD.

Surely you won't be needing to use your office on the once a month weekend when DSD is staying.

Having her on a blow up bed or on the sofa would be a nightmare not only for poor DSD but also for you and your DH. Can you imagine having to go to bed at 8pm every Saturday night that she's staying with you because it's her bedtime on the sofa?

tony68 · 10/07/2021 15:35

What does her dad think about your plans?

AlternativePerspective · 10/07/2021 15:35

People like you are the reason why so many step parents get a hard time on here.

Did you plan to get pregnant so you could push out your DSD? Obviously you don’t want her around if you think she should only sleep on a blowup bed when she does come over.

You’re going to be on maternity leave for a year, so you don’t need an office. Get rid of it and then spend loads of money on a sparkly nursery you’ll probably never use anyway.

wookneecorn · 10/07/2021 15:37

Assuming you want your home to feel right for you all Smile

Not sure if this has been suggested but how about converting the attic room into a playroom so they don't need to use their bedrooms and getting rid of too many clothes/shoes etc so they can go in your bedroom in a set of drawers then DSD can have the dressing room and you get to keep the nursery and office?

MattyGroves · 10/07/2021 15:37

Get one of these as a bed for her and desk for you?

www.studybed.co.uk/products/single-studybed/

Micemakingclothes · 10/07/2021 15:37

As someone who works from home I understand that an office open to compromise.

Your stepchild having a bed and dedicated space isn’t open to compromise either. If you can’t move before the baby needs to leave your room, then the bedroom needs to be setup to be shared. That doesn’t mean a lovely nursery with a blow up mattress, it means a room designed for 2 children with spaces designed for both of them.

tony68 · 10/07/2021 15:40

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MouldyPotato · 10/07/2021 15:42

@Biffasum11

Long term plan is buy a 4 bed the moment we can. But will realistically be 2 years away I'd say. The third room is tiny, it would be a struggle to get a bed in there and draws without a desk. I have quite a bit of equipment with my job.
2 years will be fine for a bit of a muddle through temporary fix.

Year 1. Baby in with you?
Then you can work either in box room with baby's cot etc. Or work in bedroom if there's space. Or in DSC'S room?

I think you'll just have to muddle through with it for 2 years.

Petitefiloute · 10/07/2021 15:42

I would put your office in your DSD's current bedroom. You can share with her as she won't be there most of the time and when she is, you won't be working. Do the nursery in the box room.

SuperbOwls · 10/07/2021 15:43

Any scope to convert the loft or add a garden office? We have a similar set up except both children live here. Baby is in with us until he's big enough to share with his sister. I keep most of his clothes in her room, with a few emergency changes in ours for middle of the night nappy explosions. Our box room has to be an office for now, but we're planning a small garden room to free up the bedroom in the future. It's a bit cramped in our room but it's fine really.

WaterBottle123 · 10/07/2021 15:43

Baby in with you til you move. Decorate a corner if you must, baby wouldn't notice

MouldyPotato · 10/07/2021 15:43

Also if plan is to move after 2 years then I wouldn't bother doing the nursery up too much.

Smokeymirror · 10/07/2021 15:44

Your stepdaughter has her main home with her mother with her own bedroom. I think it’s unfair on your own child not to have a bedroom while a stepchild who is there occasionally has one . I would give your child the big room as it’s their one and only bedroom and their main residence and the stepdaughter the box room. For the office space would a high sleeper be an option for dsd so you still have the room space underneath for the office ?

Youseethethingis · 10/07/2021 15:44

I think for the sake of 2 nights a month DSD will need to share the nursery with the baby.
You need space to work, that's non negotiable. Nothing worse than work stuff taking over what should be communal family space downstairs.
Definitely wouldn't be squashing a baby and all their stuff into a box room in favour of a child who is only present about 24 days a year.
The dressing room clearly has to go. You don't have the space for that luxury anymore.
Absolutely would not be kicking the DSC out to give them a blow up bed in the living room, that's just shit all round if you do have the space to accommodate upstairs but it's just messing with your Instagram vision.

MouldyPotato · 10/07/2021 15:47

Also if your plan is to buy a 4 bed then make sure she knows the plan is to move and get a 4 bed room and this is just a temporary fix.

Just saw it was only for 2 nights a a month. So you could ask her what she would prefer?

User5827372728 · 10/07/2021 15:48

Lots of options:

  1. Purpose built office space in your garden
  2. Baby box room
  3. SD box room and your office as baby room and office
  4. SD and office stay as they are and baby stays in your room until you can afford to move
  5. Is your room large enough to split it into 2 rooms?
burritofan · 10/07/2021 15:48

Master bedroom: you and DH
Bedroom 2: DSD & the baby share
Box room: WFH office

Sitting room: get a sofa bed, that’s your spare room
Master bedroom: buy a wardrobe; you don’t have the space for a dressing room

hartwood · 10/07/2021 15:50

A baby doesn't need their own room so she comes first until the baby is a bit older at least.

Can't you use her room as an office then give box room to baby? So you give up your dressing room space.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/07/2021 15:51

Why do you need a dressing room? Give DSD her own space. Move your office to the living room.

Figgygal · 10/07/2021 15:51

What a way to make her feel unwelcome
Telling her she has to sleep on a blowup bed on the floor Confused
how could your husband care about her feelings so little that he thinks that this is fine
You need to find a way to make it work

Oh and lots of people are working from home without a dedicated office, me included, so you’re being a touch ridiculous there

Howshouldibehave · 10/07/2021 15:52

Why don’t you put the SD in the cupboard under the stairs, like the Dursleys did in Harry Potter? That did their relationship the world of good!

SionnachRua · 10/07/2021 15:52

You might have fantasied about decorating a nursery for your baby but I'm sure your step dad didn't fantasise about her dad knocking up another woman and then having no space for her at his house. What a shit situation for her.

TeamRick · 10/07/2021 15:53

I downsized my dressing room to put a desk in there, to WFH rather than a bookcase behind me in work meetings I have shoe shelves! 🤣

Can you not to that? Then the new baby & step daughter can share the other one?