Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

Perhaps a high sleeper bed with desk below on either box room or current dressing/dsd room

You're being selfish. No of course you can't do this.

www.wayfair.co.uk/children-nursery/pdp/just-kids-high-sleeper-bed-jkid2069.html#productDetailsDrawer

This one would work

Why do you need a dressing room ?

A high bunk with a huge desk underneath from IKEA. That's not a Harry Potter cupboard.
You have enough rooms to fit everyone, you make it work!

I'd keep baby in with you until you buy somewhere bigger tbh. If you really can't after a year then DSD and baby can share surely? I totally get the office issue if you are full time WFH after your maternity but DSD shouldn't lose her space for a new baby particularly one who won't care where they sleep for a good few years!

@LongLiveGoblingKing

Sorry but why does DSD need her own room? I assume she has her own room at her house, and is only with OP 12 times a year.

Crazy that people think that the people who live in the house and need the space 365 days a year should go without to accommodate DSD.

I say this as a step child who slept on a blow up in the living room and would be mortified of my baby half sister was made to give up her room!

She needs her own room because she isn't a guest. It's her home at her Dad's house. She needs to be made to feel welcome and included. Not like like inconvenience. She's a young girl who needs her space and privacy. Where is she supposed to put all her stuff when she stays?

If you're going to be on mat leave then you don't need an office space. Store all your work equipment and give the baby the box room. Let DSD keep her room. Perhaps you should have thought about all this was going to work before getting pregnant.

One room for dsd so she knows she’s an important part of the family, one room for your new baby and one room for you. The office will have to be put in your own room,
downstairs (dining room?) or get a garden shed that’s more like a summer house and keep your stuff in there!

Do it if you want your DSD to resent you and her father. My brother has done exactly this with my nephew who is much older than his 2 half-sisters. There's pretty much 0 relationship there now that his step mother pushed him out. You're being unbelievably selfish and I can tell from your replies you're not interested in suggestions but was hoping for validation. Your poor DSD. I hope she has a loving extended family as you and her father clearly don't see her as the priority she should be.

It doesn't necessarily need to be her own room...but she does need a dedicated space whether that's in the office or sharing with the baby...she should have her own bed and not be sleeping on the sofa

Tbh apart from all the stepchild minefield stuff you’re not being very practical. When you have a baby you need lots of sleeping options! Getting rid of a bedroom and having an office is not practical.
Baby will be in your main bedroom for 6 months at least and probably longer because a lot of babies don’t sleep through the night and wearing a path backwards and forwards to a pretty nursery wears thin. There’s a good chance your partner and you will want to take turns having a sleep in dsd’s room when she’s not there.
Personally I would move dsd into the office and decorate it. You can’t have an office and a nursery though.
Our baby is seven months and we’ve spent seven months taking turns sleeping in stepsons bedroom when he’s not here. I’ve now put a single bed in the nursery as well. As I say... sleep options!!

OP can you afford to get a garden office? Then nursery in smaller room as you say a bed won’t fit in the box and step daughter in bigger one.

Ouch, no that's cruel, she might be your step daughter but she is your husbands child. Her dad having another child is probably a lot to deal with anyway, taking her room away as well is horrible. Did you not think of this before conceiving?

I don’t think DSD needs her own space as in a full bed room for the short time she’s there but she does need an actual bed!

Can’t understand why her and the baby can’t share. Decorate it to suit them both. High sleeper above the cot if no room for both with floor space (we did this for my ds when he was born, then he had his toddler bed under DSS’s high sleeper for another couple of years before we moved).

Decorating a nursery sounds lovely but it’s not required. Baby with you for around 6 months (you won’t even be using the office during this time as you’ll be on mat leave), then they share for 12 months before you look to move.

She's there once a month for 2 nights out of 30? I could not justify reserving an entire room for her on that basis, especially when space is short. It also doesn't seem fair to put her on a sofa or blow up bed, so some compromise will need to be reached. Can you incorporate a bed into either the office or nursery on a permanent basis? If not a decent fold up bed, and then move the furniture in the office or nursery for the 2 nights she's there? Her toys and clothes could be kept in a nice storage box, and again brought out and put away as appropriate.

You have to move your clothes and make the nursery dsds bedroom as well. Anything else would be horrible.

You’ve written this knowing what the answer should be, but hoping to be told of course it’s fine to take away the space that says your dsd has a permanent spot in your home.

I say this as a step mum, squished in w 3 bed semi, working from home in the space that’s available.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way to fit everything and everyone in - even if it’s a bit like Tetris at times

Everyone goes all gooey for nurseries when they are pregnant but seriously, you don't need one. Both our kids resisted being in their own rooms for aaaaaages as they would much rather be in with us. The reality is not like Pinterest; you don't sit calmly feeding in your rocking chair and then lay your compliant child down in their perfect crib to sleep. The reality (well mine anyway) is baby waking up several times a night to feed and it being much much easier if they are right next to you in your room.

I would say you have at least 9 months to a year before you really need to give new baby their own room.

After that, I'd probably look at box room as baby's room and multi-purposing the third bedroom as guest room/step daughter's room/office. Babies/toddlers don't need big rooms - they don't play in their bedrooms as they want to be wherever you are and playing there.

You definitely have the space to make do until your mortgage fix is up.

@Biffasum11

Just no way I'm working under a bed that doesn't look like it's adult sized... I'm not Harry Potter. I use three 24inch monitors a pc , a phone and a microphone. I also work 9/10 hours a day. That is for a kid doing their homework!!!

That's not good enough for you but the couch is good enough for your stepdaughter? Bit unfair.

Like www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/smastad-loft-bed-white-white-with-desk-with-4-drawers-s09392094/

Terraced, not semi 🤦‍♀️

You are currently using 2 off the 3 bedrooms for your sole use. Doesn't seem fair.
I'm sure your office could double up as a bedroom for DSD when you're not using it. (Or indeed a nursery - it's not like the baby will notice)

Your kid needs to be in the same room as you for a minimum of 6 months to regulate their own breathing.

You cannot prioritise a dressing room over your husbands child, come on. Despite the fact her father barely ever sees her, it’s still her home. You haven’t answered anyone who’s suggested a garden office. No, you cannot stick your husbands child on the sofa. Literally and physically replaced? Your husband shouldn’t even let this be considered, wtf is he thinking, ugh.

Use the spare room as an office as well as dsds room. Baby has box room