Invited but only when DSC are here

[PurpleyBlue]

My DH and I have a child and I have DSC. His family have taken to inviting us to family things but it's always "if DSC are with you then would you like to come round?" Does anyone else get this? It feels a bit insulting somehow, like we are only welcome when all the children are together.

*don't

My PIL make no effort with my DC, they can go months without seeing or enquiring about them. In fact the only time they see them is briefly when they drop my DSS off, who they see atleast once a week (mostly 2-3x). They don’t even take their coats off and interact with my DC then.

I remember my grandmother having favourites and it makes me a bit sad for my DC. My DSS adores his grandparents. It’s a shame their kindness doesn’t extend to my DC.

DinoHat Is your DC their DGC? If they aren't that doesn't make it ok, just wondering as my DC is their DGC and I'd be livid if that happened.

Do you ever invite them over or do you both ever go and visit them on uou own with your DC?

It really comes across like they don't have such a close relationship with your DH and he's a means to see the kids.

@PurpleyBlue

DinoHat Is your DC their DGC? If they aren't that doesn't make it ok, just wondering as my DC is their DGC and I'd be livid if that happened.

Yes - they’re their blood DGC.

We've invited them over and give them a choice of dates and they check we have the DSC. We haven't actually invited them on a date when we haven't got the DSC as we are always organising the date to suit them if that makes sense.

DinoHat I swore when I read that. That is horrendous.

They frequently return DSS from his day of intense spoiling with new toys and PJ’s. Once my toddler DS showed an interest in said toys and MIL commented she “probably” should have got him something… She hasn’t since making that statement!

@DinoHat What does your OH do? Has he ever challenged them? I know that the usual "you have a DH problem" gets thrown around a lot in situations like this but sometimes, after a "DH" has tried to solve the problem some PIL are just still awful and it firmly is, and always was, a PIL problem.

@DinoHat

My PIL make no effort with my DC, they can go months without seeing or enquiring about them. In fact the only time they see them is briefly when they drop my DSS off, who they see atleast once a week (mostly 2-3x). They don’t even take their coats off and interact with my DC then.

I remember my grandmother having favourites and it makes me a bit sad for my DC. My DSS adores his grandparents. It’s a shame their kindness doesn’t extend to my DC.

Ah that's sad

My FIL always favoured one of his grandchildren ( and also one set of grandchildren - the one star GD was part of) and it really upset DH. He would never of said anything though, which I understand why - it wouldn't have been obvious to our children -but it was still rubbish

@DinoHat

They frequently return DSS from his day of intense spoiling with new toys and PJ’s. Once my toddler DS showed an interest in said toys and MIL commented she “probably” should have got him something… She hasn’t since making that statement!

She probably should be banned from your house! Stupid mare...

*your MIL, not you Dino..

[quote CMSdividend]@DinoHat What does your OH do? Has he ever challenged them? I know that the usual "you have a DH problem" gets thrown around a lot in situations like this but sometimes, after a "DH" has tried to solve the problem some PIL are just still awful and it firmly is, and always was, a PIL problem.
[/quote]
Nothing. They help a lot with DSS so he just enjoys the childcare he’s said before that I’m jealous. It’s only a matter of time before our toddler questions it’s themselves. They said they really must see my DS, so I told them the days he’s free. Nothing more has been said. He’s been free for those days for the past year.

I think they think DSS is hugely disadvantaged being a child of divorce. Parents spilt many years ago and both remarried. He has no memories of his parents being together.

I think they think DSS is hugely disadvantaged being a child of divorce. I think its common for people to go too far the other way but your scenario is so disgusting to your DS. I can't believe DH stands by and accepts it.

I’d be a bit pissed off with that if I’m honest.

What about when they are older and would rather hang with their mates than go see dad? Will your child just miss out completely then?

@DinoHat I get that with stuff bought too. DSS had a birthday a few months ago, got some stupidly expensive trainers from them. DD recently had a birthday and she got some really cheaply made clothes and a Poundland gardening set, sent via OH even though they live 5 mins away. DSS also got, on her birthday, the same trainers in a different colour. What did DD get on DSS birthday? Nothing.

@PurpleyBlue Is your DH going to say anything to them?

@CMSdividend yeah, he's going to have a chat and see what their logic is and go from there.

[quote PurpleyBlue]@CMSdividend yeah, he's going to have a chat and see what their logic is and go from there.[/quote]
Be prepared for the "but we have a much stronger bond with X and Y" Of course they do, they've invested more into the relationship with them!
She gets more than enough Nanny time from my mum, who treats all of her grandkids equally, even making sure DSS doesn't get left out.

I think it could be first grand child favouritism - the first DGC does get much more fuss and interest, as does the first born child.

Imv not necessarily a good thing for the DGC, but it is a fact that first born DCs are more likely to be CEOs of companies / more successful.
But in the end a happy child is the main thing and too much attention can be bad.

Isn't it also saying they don't want to see their own son unless he brings his kids? That's pretty sad.

but we have a much stronger bond with X and Y oh I hope they don't say that. There's such an age difference of course they feel they know them better. This would make me so sad.

TheoMeo in my situation there may be some truth to this I think. There is another grandchild who is most certainly the favourite. But maybe DSC1 is the second favourite.

@burnoutbabe

Isn't it also saying they don't want to see their own son unless he brings his kids? That's pretty sad.

Yes, it most certainly is.

@CMSdividend I can't bloody stand giving gifts on other people's birthdays. I'd have taken it off him and said 'sorry I don't recall it being DSS birthday? He can have them tomorrow'

That made my blood boil sorry 😅

@PurpleyBlue

but we have a much stronger bond with X and Y oh I hope they don't say that. There's such an age difference of course they feel they know them better. This would make me so sad.

TheoMeo in my situation there may be some truth to this I think. There is another grandchild who is most certainly the favourite. But maybe DSC1 is the second favourite.

Oh so there's favourite grandchild? Could explain a lot

You are feeling very protective of your small DC but is it worth it? Arent' there people in his/her life who love seeing her and meeting her, why flog a dead horse with miserly DGPs who aren't that interested.
My DCs happened to live a long way from all DGPs and there isn't a mention from them of missing out ( I felt sad about it but realise now that was me projecting) my DCs are v happy and accept the relatives for what they are and remember the friends of mine and DH's who were in their lives with fondness rather than the occasional visits of DGPs.