AIBU to just get a Father's Day gift from our joint DC?

[FathersDayToDoOrNot]

First father's Day with our joint DC and I have bought a little present from DC to DH along with a card. I specifically didn't choose a 'first father's day' card because obviously it isn't his first but it does say our first Father's Day together.

Usually DSC make him a card but I've never gotten involved in it or bought presents for them to give DH. His ex used to but hasn't for a while.

AIBU not to get other presents for DSC to give DH?

Present from our DC includes a picture of DH and DC so obviously not from all.

Yes, I would get him something from all the kids, unless they’re old enough to get something themselves. I guess technically it’s not your responsibility but it’s for your DH’s benefit.

He has multiple children so it should have been from all. If his children will visit and can read can you imagine how they will feel?

Will all the children be there on the day? If his older children are going to be there for Father's Day but their mum hasn't helped them get anything it's going to feel absolutely rubbish for them.

It should be up to his ex to help her child to sort out a gift, but if you think she won't then it would be nice to have a little something the child could give to their dad - it's not nice for them to feel awkward. It's not your problem, but if I was in that position I'd do something - even if it's just a bar of DH's fave chocolate or something.

Is the child old enough to arrange something themselves?

When DS's Dad was married DS was much younger. If he happened to be at his Dads on his wife's birthday then I used to send him with a small something to give her. I actually didn't like her (that's another thread!), but I didn't want DS feeling awkward and I knew his Dad wouldn't sort anything

My DP has a very hostile relationship with his ex and his children are still relatively young so can't shop for themselves but old enough to know what Fathers Day is. They spend the day with him so it seems mean that I wouldn't cater for them too? So yes, I think you are being unreasonable.

In an ideal world @blahblahblah321 it would be lovely if exes could see past their own issues to realise it's about the kids and provide at least a card on these occasions, but sadly, the majority don't.

Usually DSC make him a card but I've never gotten involved in it or bought presents for them to give DH. His ex used to but hasn't for a while.

So usually they do this totally by themselves with no involvement from you or his ex?
I think what you’ve done is probably fine then (how old are they?), if the other kids were too young to do anything themselves, or you used to help but now don’t want to, that’s different.

Depends. If the kids are upper secondary age, they should be able to do this themselves now. If in primary they need help. Any idea why his ex stopped doing it? Does your DH help them to get Mother's Day gifts and card organised for her?

Will they be with you on the day? If so I would get something even if just chocolates and a card. It's really your DH you're doing it for.

I think this is something you should do. Their mum should do it if the kids are likely to feel bad and your DH sorts mother's Day presents for her. If not, it's your job to make sure your husband has gifts until the kids are old enough to do it for themselves.

If they're older then perhaps they can sort something out themselves, but personally I think you should've let them all write on the one card.

I think you should at least get some sweets to hold back for them to give to him if they want to

What age are DSC? Will you see them before or on Father’s Day? If so I would ask them if they have done anything or would like to do something for their father and help them get to the shops or make a card.

@KurtWilde

If they're older then perhaps they can sort something out themselves, but personally I think you should've let them all write on the one card.

The always make him a card and seem to like doing so.

I've posted this twice by mistake, I didn't think the other thread had posted.

The children are older primary and early secondary.

I've no idea why their Mum stopped buying. DH used to buy for her on mother's Day but it just fizzled out on both sides so far as I know I don't know why.

I didn't even think about it really until it came today (the gift). It was handmade and a little expensive so I can't afford to get the same thing from all of them but I could pick up some chocolates or something for them to give DH. I don't know if they are here on the day but even if not, they'll likely pop in at some point. As I say they usually always have a card they have made so I probably won't bother getting one of them as they seem to like making them anyway.

The responses are daft. No you do not need to buy him a gift from your SC. I wouldn't call it a need to get him a gift "from" your child either, but certainly if the SC over about 4 you don't need to buy a gift for them to pretend was from them. Everybody involved knows it isn't really from the child. I would ask them if they've made a card and encourage them to do so if not, but that's about it.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

I think this is something you should do. Their mum should do it if the kids are likely to feel bad and your DH sorts mother's Day presents for her. If not, it's your job to make sure your husband has gifts until the kids are old enough to do it for themselves.

"Her job"? How so? It very much isn't her job.

I've no idea why their Mum stopped buying. DH used to buy for her on mother's Day but it just fizzled out on both sides so far as I know I don't know why.

One of them didn't do it first. And the other then stopped.

Not your job but it would be nice. And I'd be encouraging him to encourage the children on Mother's Day as well.

I wouldn't get anything from the SC if they don't usually do it and just like to make him a card.

I'd potentially ask them if they'd like to give him something and then get something little (chocs or whatever) if they say yes, but only if they are around enough for it to make sense for you to do that?

I sign the card from everyone.

DSS’ Mum sometimes includes my DC in DSS’ gifts which I view as a little odd.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

He has multiple children so it should have been from all. If his children will visit and can read can you imagine how they will feel?

Imagine how they will feel about OP buying a gift to pretend was from their baby, whilst they, at reading age, did not sort anything out? Guilty, maybe? What a weird thing to say. This is not something for them to be upset about.

@DinoHat

I sign the card from everyone.

DSS’ Mum sometimes includes my DC in DSS’ gifts which I view as a little odd.

A little odd?! I think that's mad, does she know your son well!?

I don't personally think the card is the issue. They always make him one so I don't think they'll care I haven't signed their names on our DCs.

As he's not buying for their mum and their mum isn't buying for him then it's not the ex's job to do this.
Can you contact the kids to make sure that they organized a card? If I were a stepmother I would at least give them money for a card

I think it's her job, as a spouse. Not her job as a stepmother, if that wasn't clear.

My SC's mum does get DP a gift for all occasions from SCs so I don't get involved.

If she didn't then I might ask them if they wanted me to pick up something from them, and if they said yes I would. But I would also get something separately from my own child as well, unless it was one big gift from all.