AIBU to just get a Father's Day gift from our joint DC?

[FathersDayToDoOrNot]

First father's Day with our joint DC and I have bought a little present from DC to DH along with a card. I specifically didn't choose a 'first father's day' card because obviously it isn't his first but it does say our first Father's Day together.

Usually DSC make him a card but I've never gotten involved in it or bought presents for them to give DH. His ex used to but hasn't for a while.

AIBU not to get other presents for DSC to give DH?

Present from our DC includes a picture of DH and DC so obviously not from all.

And there's nothing wrong with them making a card by themselves instead of this insistence on gifts. Dad is an adult and knows love is not measured in gifts.

The mother can hardly get a picture of all of them can she? To only gift a photo of some of his children and not all when it would hurt to include them all seems hurt on the ones not included.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

The mother can hardly get a picture of all of them can she? To only gift a photo of some of his children and not all when it would hurt to include them all seems hurt on the ones not included.

There will be plenty of photos of the SC without the 2nd wife's kid though. Unless EX wife is supposed to make sure their half sibling is in every photo. Which will be weird.

I've always bought DH 2 things, one from our DC and a joint one from all his kids. My stepkids get him something themselves. That way all kids have got him something so they're happy and DH is spoilt!
The joint present always has names or pics with all kids on it. Tricky to find something every year tho!
Perhaps you could get a card from them?
You shouldn't have to but it's nice.

@bogoffmda

Father's Day is about the Father.

In most blended families there are DC and SDCs of all descriptions, flavours and likes.

The father is father to all of them - is it too much effort to buy a card and a box of his favourite chocolate,/muffins/brownies from all his DCs.

Do separate aswell if that is what you want, but £10 is not going to break the bank.
The pettiness on here sometimes astounds

I just do not get the point of buying a gift "from" a 10/12 year old is, at all.

With a baby, sure, it's obviously something from the mum to commemorate it being their first FD as parents together. But when a child is pushing 10 or older, the sentiment should be driven by them. The way I see it this is primarily not a step family issue. It's just pointless to buy gifts that are supposedly from children of that age. It's a different matter if the kids ask for help from the SM getting to shops or paying for presents and she says no, but I think it's pretty asinine to be sorting gifts on their behalf.

I've already said why I'm not buying a card. They make them and seem to like doing so. I can grab a box of chocolates that's not s problem, I wasn't sure whether people thought it needed to be the same as or of the same value/type of gift as what I'd got from our DC.

It doesnt. It is his ex’s job. Like it is your dh’s job to get her and you mother’s day gifts. He clearly doesnt think thats an issue, so he wouldn't expect anything. So dont over think it. Remeber, when he leaves you he wont get you mothers day gifts.

I REALLY don't agree that it's the ex's job at all. Especially if it's not an amicable situation.

Like, your ex-husband has cheated on you, left you for another woman and you're expected to shower him in cards and gifts?! Are you buggery.

Not my situation, by the way, I had a very amicable split...but I can see the other side and why some exes would think I ain't doing that for shit. But I still feel sorry for the kids and as a SM I would help them out.

They can get something themselves if they want aged 10 is old enough to spend pocket money on a little something.

@CornishGem1975

I REALLY don't agree that it's the ex's job at all. Especially if it's not an amicable situation.

Like, your ex-husband has cheated on you, left you for another woman and you're expected to shower him in cards and gifts?! Are you buggery.

Not my situation, by the way, I had a very amicable split...but I can see the other side and why some exes would think I ain't doing that for shit. But I still feel sorry for the kids and as a SM I would help them out.

It’s ex’s job, as they are joint children, or nobodies. It isnt the job of the woman he replaced the mother if his children with at all.

No, it's not @CassandraTrotter, I agree. But it's a nice thing to do for the children and for the DP and doesn't take hardly any effort. I don't really understand why you just wouldn't.

I know a divorced couple who got it put in parenting agreements at mediation that they are to help the children buy cards and a gift for birthdays and mothers/father's day (for their children's sake). It has unfortunately turned into "see who can get the cheapest gift/regift the most rubbish gift"

Like, your ex-husband has cheated on you, left you for another woman and you're expected to shower him in cards and gifts?! Are you buggery

Just to clarify this is not the case at all...!

I'm not 'the woman he replaced the mother of his children with' thank you.

@CornishGem1975

No, it's not *@CassandraTrotter*, I agree. But it's a nice thing to do for the children and for the DP and doesn't take hardly any effort. I don't really understand why you just wouldn't.

If it doesn't take much effort the ex wife can do it as it is a nice thing to do for her own children.

SMs get so much hassle when they do anything 'parenty' so I would include this as 'parenting' and stay out of it.

@FathersDayToDoOrNot

Like, your ex-husband has cheated on you, left you for another woman and you're expected to shower him in cards and gifts?! Are you buggery

Just to clarify this is not the case at all...!

I'm not saying you are - it was just an example of why some exes might not want to do the Fathers Day thing. There are enough threads in Relationships on here of women who have been shat on. I would imagine sorting their kids out with a Fathers Day card is furthest from their minds.

I wasn't saying that was your situation at all.

Individual pictures are fine but as a Father’s Day gift they should include all his children not just selected ones.

I agree with this.

For the first father's day for my little nephew my SIL got a personalised moonpig photocard with her child (and my brothers) along with his older kids...so all his kids were in the photo.

She also got one from just their DC, but not with a photo.

The older ones are old enough to buy a card and gift (and they did) , but I think having them all on the photo is better and I'd want that as the parent.

@InnaBun What example am I setting the children to
Keep giving gifts to a man who does not pay his child support and doesn't reciprocate?

I did this for 2 years. And money was tight. With my parent buying the children's clothes a d shoes and me getting by with as little as possible.

I decide it was better spent on the children. And suggested they asked exdp gf to help with gift buying.

@FathersDayToDoOrNot

I've already said why I'm not buying a card. They make them and seem to like doing so. I can grab a box of chocolates that's not s problem, I wasn't sure whether people thought it needed to be the same as or of the same value/type of gift as what I'd got from our DC.

It absolutely doesn't have to be the same value, and anyone who suggests that is being unreasonable

[quote unicornsarereal72]@InnaBun What example am I setting the children to
Keep giving gifts to a man who does not pay his child support and doesn't reciprocate?

I did this for 2 years. And money was tight. With my parent buying the children's clothes a d shoes and me getting by with as little as possible.

I decide it was better spent on the children. And suggested they asked exdp gf to help with gift buying. [/quote]
I understand you stopping but it's not on to get his new partner to spend money and time in your kids.

There is no other parenting task that the kids should be told to ask their SM for so I don't see why this is any different. If Mum won't do it for her kids she can let dad know and dad can be a grown up and accept he's unlikely to get anything.

I’m going to disagree and say the gift/card you buy should be from your children only.
You should only add the other children if they want to be included in your gift.
I’d have hated it if my step mother had assumed to put my name on a gift bought by her.

DinosaurDiana that is my other thought, I am even careful to ask if they want to sign birthday cards to my family.

@InnaBun but it's not on my children. They provide not one thing the children need.

Trust me I struggled with this for a long time. Because I don't want the children feeling bad. But when I get asked why is it you buy your own gift for Mother's Day? How do. I answer that.

As I say what is it teaching my children? We buy gifts for people who do not appreciate them or respect the concept of gift giving (not that we should give to receive). That because your dad is a man he is allowed to not respect me as the children's mother and we must go without so that we can present him with a present?

I have £20!a week in purse after I pay all the bills food etc. That is for hair cuts. Clothes. And odd ice cream etc when I'm out. Trust be it is gone in a blink. So £5 for a card and chocolate is taking money from my children.

Ex income is high. I am not prepared to go with out the very little pleasure my children have for him anymore.

I have no expectation of his partner doing the gift buying. He can do it himself, like I have too as they are too young and/or have SEN needs so can't go in a shop alone yet.

I do understand the difficult balancing act a step parent has. I have my own step parents. And my boyfriend has his dd. And I am absolutely not in a parenting role in her life. I see it from all angles. For me. I won't do the gift
Buying for the reasons I have explained. When the children are older if they ask of course I will support them. For now for us the partner does the gift buying for the children's father. And it is working.

The age of your step children they can sort it themselves, you could remind them if you see them in the interim