Stay at home dad... who pays CMS??!?

[Britsmums11]

We are in a predicament. Childcare costs are out of control and we literally lose an entire wage on childcare and more . I am the higher earner and we can survive off my wages and at least DD aged 18months isn't passed from pillar to post and can have some stability . My husband thinks being a SAHD is the best option. But then do I have to pay for his son? If CMS do the calculation on my wages we'd be hand to mouth. Husband seems to think that's not the case .... but is it ?

Then perhaps you need to take your own advice and step away

@CandyLeBonBon

Then perhaps you need to take your own advice and step away

So if someone finds something offensive, instead of calling it out they should step away? Right.

All I said was nobody had to read it, and no I don't have to read it either, you're right. But this board is and always has been horrific with the double standards and I will continue to call it out.

To be honest though it's probably a waste of my time calling out offensive behaviour because it continues and continues, the same posters time and time again, hq don't give a fuck.

If you're a step parent or a dad, you're fair game. If you're a mum of a first family, you've presumed to be entirely innocent.

It's pointless even posting on here for most people because you have all sorts of things assumed about you, get told your husband will leave you etc.

So I'm psychologically damaged, bitter and a bully now. All because I don't now down and agree with the majority.

Excellent.

Gladly. I'm sure hq will leave your post to stand so don't worry.

Anyone else?

There is a big difference between politely disagreeing and calmly putting your point across, and aggressively attacking every other poster for disagreeing with you.

Your behaviour on this thread has been in the matter camp as you have been told by several other posters.

'Calling people out' is not an excuse for personal attacks, aggression and hostility.

Latter, not matter.

@CandyLeBonBon

I didn't call you bitter. I said the phrase drips with bitterness. Not the same thing, and not personally directed at you. I've been on here a long time and I've never seen the phrase used. It's very loaded, and pretty offensive in my opinion.

@CandyLeBonBon , sadly I've seen it used a fair few times on here, usually in a "the woman with the golden uterus needs to put up and shut up" kind of way

@ALevelhelp charming

"Gladly. I'm sure hq will leave your post to stand so don't worry."

I would be more concerned yours are still standing to be honest.
Particularly the 'golden uterus' one

We've a lot of reports on this thread. While we take a look through to work out what's going on, can we appeal for a bit of peace and love. If you are feeling het up about what you are reading here then do take a break from the thread for a while.

Ok. Not sure why my post got deleted? But anyway. I'm not engaging further because the rage coming off these posts is really unpleasant and nobody needs that.

@Thisnamewasnttaken123

"I wonder if you would all respond the same if the roles were reversed and the dad had custody and the mum should be paying CMS but can’t afford to work and pay childcare."

As others have already said when someone else brought this up absolutely yes I would.
Unfortunately facts are it's men that are more likely to do this.

My ex actually does it, hasn't paid in years because he's a 'SAHD' to two school children.
He didn't offer to look after my kids whilst I worked as he never saw them anyway as he's an absent father.

The funny thing is his wife knows what a feckless father he is and that actually he would do the same to her kids at the drop of a hat if they were to split ( she has also admitted she feels this way to me herself) shes stuck with him now and their false life.

Nice to see people cheering on others to be complicent in helping child maintenance dodgers though, yeh 'go for it op'!

I’m just catching up with this thread. But I’m with you all the way. . Awful. Awful behaviour. I hope your dcs have come out as unscathed as possible.

Legally nothing needs to be paid that is the law. So just like the marriage contract allows the financial burden to fall on one (if the lower earning one requests a divorce) exactly the same if two consenting adults choose to have a baby they know at any time one can refuse to work and pay nothing.

I'm not sure why the op is getting a hard time after all it is the law (as those mners point out on the divorcing threads with high net worth partners)

@TwinsAndTrifle

I don't know a single mother that works.

And whilst it's...er... interesting (?) that I can somehow make a thread become my narrative (??) you miss the point entirely. Every single one of these threads, people speculate, just like this, about the "poor ex." And every single time, after all the speculation, she turns out, lo and behold, to be refusing to work, whilst complaining that other people should be.

Really?? I don't know a single one that doesn't. You've made a hell of a lot of assumptions here. The funniest one being that £250 a month is enough to raise a child alone on

"I’m just catching up with this thread. But I’m with you all the way. flowers. Awful. Awful behaviour. I hope your dcs have come out as unscathed as possible."

Thanks @Mummyoflittledragon.

Shocking really how I can be called the 'golden uterus' after sharing that.
Kids left without emotional and financial support by the father yet I have a 'golden uterus'
I suppose that's my fault to though too..

It's fair enough for your husband to quit his job if he's going to pick up 50/50 childcare but I think you are underestimating how much it costs to look after a child per month if you think you will then end up paying less that £250.

If by becoming a SAHD you are then going to resent when any of your money is spent on his child then its going to make a really toxic environment for the kid. It sounds like a disaster tbh from your posts on here.

I think HE would be incredibly unreasonable to put his child in this position tbh. Childcare costs are high but its only for 2-3 years before you start getting free hours and then they are off to school. A lot of people have to tighten their belts for these first few years, I was in the same situation where I had to pay all the childcare from my wages because my partner didn't have any spare cash after paying his child support.

If my partner suggested quitting his job and not paying any child support I would be seriously doubting my decision to be with him. I'd like to think if I suggested it to him he would tell me a firm no without thought.