Stay at home dad... who pays CMS??!?

[Britsmums11]

We are in a predicament. Childcare costs are out of control and we literally lose an entire wage on childcare and more . I am the higher earner and we can survive off my wages and at least DD aged 18months isn't passed from pillar to post and can have some stability . My husband thinks being a SAHD is the best option. But then do I have to pay for his son? If CMS do the calculation on my wages we'd be hand to mouth. Husband seems to think that's not the case .... but is it ?

No technically I believe the payment requirement would be nil. The assessment is paid on the NRP's taxable salary rather than the whole household. If he has no salary no legal requirement.

Morally I would say you (as a family unit) should continue to pay what is currently paid in maintenance. Especially as this is a conscious choice

As PP says - technically you won’t have to pay, he pays nothing if he earns nothing.

For me this would be a moral issue. You knew having a baby with a man who already had children that finances must include that payment. Is it OK with you that you deliberately (as a family) prioritise your unit including your child together over his existing children.

Look at it from their POV. Now Dad doesn’t live with us, doesn’t have any money to pay for things and is spending all his time with the new baby...

As a SAHD would he be able to have his older child more often/different time to enable his ex to work without childcare costs and carry more of the mental and practical load of parenting?

If he wants to be a DAHD how is he planning on supporting his other child?

Ewww.

This won't go well....

Plenty of working families lose a salary to pay for childcare.

It’s shit but it is what it is.

I wonder how much the ex shells out in childcare.

I agree with first couple of posters. Sounds like him being home is best for your household, and that morally keeping up with the current rate of maintenance would be morally the best way to do it.
Cms will assess on his income only.

This really wouldn’t be fair on his other child.

Could he work around your hours so you don’t need childcare ? Weekends and evenings?
He needs to provide for his son.

You married a winner in life! Congratulations! If he wants to become a stay at home dad and it works for your family then that’s fine. However, he’s already aware that this would mean he wouldn’t have to contribute to his other child and is telling you this as if it’s not an issue at all. I don’t think at all that cms should he calculated on your earnings. However, he should continue paying what he has been until now as he’s making the choice to quit work. I’d be ashamed to be married to him tbh.

Wow. So you're planning on him staying home playing happy daddies with child number 2 whilst neglecting child number 1? Nice.

In answer strictly to your question and not with respect to your moral compass (which you weren’t asking for advise on despite what other posters seem to think) - CMS is calculated solely on the parents, in this case your husbands, income and NOT any other third partner.

Hope you have your hard hat on!

Honestly, I think if you feel its the right decision, he should go for it.
I agree however, that he could have his son more often and do some childcare. Support can come in many ways, not just £££.

*third party.

Okay thank you, I know I'd be heavily judged. I'm just doing what's best for baby. I agree DSS should come more often or even go 50:50 that way no CMS payment needed.

How does he think he should support his child?

What are the contact arrangements at the moment?

How much was he paying in maintenance before?

He has suggested 50:50 arrangements
It's EOW at the moment and one night in the week. He pays £250 a month currently but I am not involved in arrangements. I think this is a private agreement.

Plenty of working families lose a salary to pay for childcare.
It’s shit but it is what it is.
Which is fine if you can do that and still cover the bills. If you can't, like in lots of families, someone quits and does child care and it's the lower earner usually.

@Britsmums11 he wouldn't have to pay anything but I think he Def needs to talk to his child's Mom about a change in their care arrangement. Whilst you wouldn't pay her CMS from your wages, you obv would need to provide for him if he lived with you 50/50 so I guess the options is 50/50 or looking at what 50/50 would cost Vs what you have him now and offer to pay that.

@Britsmums11

Okay thank you, I know I'd be heavily judged. I'm just doing what's best for baby. I agree DSS should come more often or even go 50:50 that way no CMS payment needed.

As long as he's doing it for the right reasons... saving your family money.

My vagina would heal up married to this wanker.

So your own child has to have stability and not passed from pillar to post but not your husbands first child, he just has to go along with whatever works best for your family?

I know a few SAHD or dads that work part time whilst the mum works full time and it has really worked out well for them.

As PPs said I believe legally his payments will be zero but if you can afford to keep the payments the same then there’s no issues with the DCs mum.

Legally he'll get away with financially abandoning his child. Morally he shouldn't even consider giving up work unless you are happy to pick up his shortfall.

I think the real question is why would you want to stay married to a man who would shirk paying for his own son?