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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Should we have to pay this much maintenance?

202 replies

Festivalgirl83 · 07/04/2021 20:47

DP and I live together in a house we bought together last year. He has a DD (8) with ex wife who he split with when DD was a year old. I have 2 DC of my own.

His DD has never stayed overnight with him because mum firstly breast fed until she was 3 so he was unable to have her overnight for those first few years, she has then built up such a strong bond she is unable to spend a night away from her Mum and is very traumatised if this is attempted. However, she otherwise loves spending time with her Dad and being here and throughout all these years Dad has paid maintence.
His DD is now spending more time at ours than ever before, in the last 7 days she has been here for 4 full days and we give her all meals but goes home about 7pm, Dad does all the driving. This happens most weeks now.
We are starting to wonder if he could suggest paying less as we have her for sometimes more meal times and hours than her Mum but obviously maintenence is worked out on overnight stays.

Does this sound completely unreasonable?

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/04/2021 17:46

Ffs it's been a week and you're already talking about reducing payments 🙄

UseMyName · 09/04/2021 17:53

@Witchymclovely I was stating a fact - this is what maintenance is based on. A percentage of the NRP’s earnings.

User135792468 · 09/04/2021 17:57

@Witchymclovely

Your so patronising. And looking at YOUR subsequent posts typical that you would jump to that conclusion. My situation is fine thank you I just don’t have that kind of attitude to money. It’s not rude or defensive it’s just human. I’ve worked throughout lockdown and I’m so tired, so tired of people talking about “ maintaining a standard of living”. You don’t need to live poverty to have respect for people that do. I just work in an environment where no amount of money is going to help you right now. It changes your perspective somewhat. Ps I showed your message to my colleagues, we laughed our arses off.
I’m glad I provided you entertainment as you clearly can’t afford to pay for any. Maybe the same colleagues can explain the difference to you between your and you’re.

It is rude (and delusional) to exclaim that you’re a better parent just because you can’t afford to do anything with your children. Imaginative play is, of course, very important and if that’s how you justify not being able to afford a class or a trip to the zoo, then that’s fine.

I hope you’re teaching your children the value of education (and maybe grammar once you have grasped it) and then they will realise that £250 a month to contribute towards bringing up a child is not a high amount and they should have higher expectations in life.

Witchymclovely · 09/04/2021 17:58

@UseMyName yeah that’s what you said 🙄.“ maintaining a standard of living” can you hear yourself now. Grin

UseMyName · 09/04/2021 18:00

[quote Witchymclovely]@UseMyName yeah that’s what you said 🙄.“ maintaining a standard of living” can you hear yourself now. Grin[/quote]
Hmm that’s what maintenance is for

UseMyName · 09/04/2021 18:02

Maintain THE standard

Witchymclovely · 09/04/2021 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

User135792468 · 09/04/2021 18:10

@Witchymclovely A money whore because I take my child to a swimming class and to the theatre? Even for someone with sub par intelligence like yourself, that’s quite a leap Wink. Maybe increase your earning potential and give your children the experiences you seem so jealous of?

Starlightstarbright1 · 09/04/2021 18:16

The amount is a red herring.

Your dp pays the legal minimum.

He should pay towards raising his ds.

The how she spends the money is also irrelevant.

There is not a debate.

Witchymclovely · 09/04/2021 18:18

@User135792468 no you misunderstand that’s not why your a money whore, it’s because you crow about it. I don’t need to be a long jumper to make that leap Wink. I also don’t feel the need to list all the opportunities my child has or doesn’t have just to make other people feel inadequate.

Witchymclovely · 09/04/2021 18:20

@Starlightstarbright1 your right. We’re taking over the thread, apologies.

User135792468 · 09/04/2021 18:38

[quote Witchymclovely]@User135792468 no you misunderstand that’s not why your a money whore, it’s because you crow about it. I don’t need to be a long jumper to make that leap Wink. I also don’t feel the need to list all the opportunities my child has or doesn’t have just to make other people feel inadequate.[/quote]
That isn’t the meaning of the term “money whore” though Grin.

Just to clarify, the Op replied to my comment and said that she doesn’t spend anywhere near £250 a month on her two children and she didn’t understand how I did. I simply replied to her.

FYI:

  1. Your = possessive pronoun
  2. You’re = you are
Original poster
Festivalgirl83 · 09/04/2021 19:45

@jessstan2

Parenting is more than about giving food. The girl lives with her mother, no way should your husband reduce maintenance. That would be the height of meanness. £250 seems fair to me and if your partner couldn't afford it, eg because of low income, he would have to pay less but that is obviously not the case.

It strikes me as sad that your husband and his ex split when their daughter was still breast feeding. She was still virtually a baby then. At what stage did you enter the picture?

I entered the picture just over three years ago when the child was almost five. I was wondering when that was going to be asked 😂
OP posts:
Original poster
Festivalgirl83 · 09/04/2021 19:51

Thank you for all your comments, we were just wondering what the consensus was but have had some light entertainment reading some responses. To those that said I might need to get a second job I'm actually a full time professional in education working five full days a week. DP works two jobs and works shifts and earns a lot less. For context his ex has no mortgage and is a deputy head earning a significant amount.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 09/04/2021 19:59

The context of what his ex does or doesnt earn is immaterial though OP because it is his responsibility to his child

EnoughnowIthink · 09/04/2021 20:05

Yeah, if the ex earns well, the other parent really shouldn’t have to support their child at all Confused

TeachesOfPeaches · 09/04/2021 20:07

If your children live with you then your boyfriend could get a reduction in his maintenance payments as your children would be seen as dependents.

excelledyourself · 09/04/2021 20:10

@Festivalgirl83

Thank you for all your comments, we were just wondering what the consensus was but have had some light entertainment reading some responses. To those that said I might need to get a second job I'm actually a full time professional in education working five full days a week. DP works two jobs and works shifts and earns a lot less. For context his ex has no mortgage and is a deputy head earning a significant amount.
So how is he having his DD four full days, most weeks, even though she's school age, and he works two jobs?
excelledyourself · 09/04/2021 20:11

@TeachesOfPeaches

If your children live with you then your boyfriend could get a reduction in his maintenance payments as your children would be seen as dependents.
You're seriously suggesting that?
Azerothi · 09/04/2021 20:14

If this was your boyfriend's idea then be very careful if you have children togther. He'll be just as much as a dead beat dad to any children you have with him as he is now to his ex when you split up.

Or, was this your idea and not your boyfriend's?

Your boyfriend's ex deserves praise, as do all single mum's, instead of you and your boyfriend shitting on her. You should thank your lucky stars the mum is still around as what on earth would your boyfriend do if he had to support his child full time.

Nightbear · 09/04/2021 20:14

If he’s paying the CMS minimum then it will be adjusted because of the OP’s children.

excelledyourself · 09/04/2021 20:18

@Nightbear

If he’s paying the CMS minimum then it will be adjusted because of the OP’s children.
Only if he's shit enough to allow it
Nightbear · 09/04/2021 20:22

To know what the CMS amount is you have to use their calculator which asks about the NRP’s income and living situation.

CovidCorvid · 09/04/2021 20:23

Doesn’t matter what his ex earns or that she’s mortgage free. It has no implications on his responsibilities to his child.

excelledyourself · 09/04/2021 20:23

Yes, and? I'd hope he filled it in saying he there were no other children. Not difficult.

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