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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step daughter ignoring me

409 replies

Stepparentwoes · 08/02/2021 17:50

As above really. Dp and I have been living together for 2 years, she is 14, and an only child. I have children.

Everything was fine she chose to spend most of her time here (she has her own room) and we used to chat away all the time and I really liked her, a couple of months ago she simply started blanking me. There was no apparent reason, although I know this happened with her other parents partner around the same time and they have split up because of it.

My dp tells me to just leave it and that she will come around but she has now stated that she never liked me in the first place.

Its beyond the point of rude this is my house, I pay the bills, I pay the rent, the house is in my name and the blatant disrespect is driving me insane.

I was in an abusive relationship and it feels exactly the same, walking on egg shells, not allowed to say anything, even overhearing her on the phone saying she is going to tell me "a few home truths".

Dp will not talk to her, dp is afraid of frightening her away if rules and boundaries are put into place which is obviously less than ideal.

Also around the same time she fell out with her close friendship group, I asked dp if it was all linked and dp has told me they won't talk about it, there's nothing going on and just to leave it, but I am worried there's something there, but she obviously won't talk to me about it and dp won't talk to her.

Has anyone else been through this. Anything I can do to fix it, or is it totally unfixable?

Tia Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Stepparentwoes · 12/02/2021 16:33

I hope it won't get to that. Dp is fairly passive and will likely want a sob story to paint me as the villan of the piece. Sd may well kick off thats why I want her out of the house while I speak to dp.

OP posts:
Andylion · 12/02/2021 16:45

@Lordamighty

with 2 parents falling over themselves to tell her she is never wrong

Isn’t this exactly what you are doing too? This girl must be Teflon coated because whatever she does the adults around her assure her that nothing is her fault.
I wouldn’t be surprised if her friendship group have had enough of her too.
None of you are doing her any favours by letting her get away with this behaviour.

As a stepparent OP isn't in the position to deal with SD's behaviour. She is the only one doing any parenting, though, calling the school when she had the fallout with her friends, dealing with the passwords etc and medication, (things mentioned in earlier posts). The irony is overwhelming.
NeverWillIEver · 12/02/2021 16:49

Christ I hope this all goes well for you.

You are totally doing the right thing. You and your children come first.

Original poster
Stepparentwoes · 12/02/2021 17:13

I've just been on a little shopping spree and ordered some games and silly toys for me and my dc for next week. We will likely all need a bit of a pick me up so I'm looking forward to having some fun things to do, just us.

I feel sick at the thought of the next couple of days so am just trying to focus on the freedom of next week at the moment.

OP posts:
DianeCherry · 12/02/2021 17:48

Dp is sitting on her phone I keep talking and she just answers with one word and refuses to even look up

Seems like telling her by text is the way to go then.

Knittedfairies · 12/02/2021 18:11

As an aside, you need sock clips* - makes sock sorting a thing of the past.
(* other sock clips are available...)

Dollyparton3 · 12/02/2021 20:29

Hi OP, crazy work day so I'm only just checking in but I wanted to send a virtual note of support. I've not seen a step mum thread evolve to a break up before so you have all of our sympathy. Please feel free to keep coming back on here in the next few days/weeks/months for support. We feel you and want to help if we can.

Kudos to you for taking control and doing the right thing even when it's the hard thing. Having been through the 14 year old mega drama and seeing how bad it gets by 20 you have my support 100%

Original poster
Stepparentwoes · 12/02/2021 20:48

Sock clips Shock who knew they were even a thing. They may be my saving grace Grin

Things haven't changed much for the rest of the day. Sd pops down her and dp speak over my head and sd retreats back to her room again. Dp is barely speaking as she feels stressed about a lot of things (nothing specific when I asked).

I think this split was inevitable really, the issues have just been magnified as I'm not getting a break from them at all, I'm in all the time, so its just sooner than it would have been if life was normal.

I really cannot imagine what sd will be like at 20, I hope she has a life revelation and turns herself around, I really do, but with a bad attitude (not her fault) and 2 enabling Mums I can't see how she will.

My heart breaks for her, it really does, but I'm also relieved it won't be my problem when it gets worse.

Thank you so much for the support, I don't have any irl (family disowned me for coming out and I have no friends that are just mine).

Dreading the next couple of days so I'll keep popping back if anyone is around to listen to my tales of woe Grin

OP posts:
BlueJag · 12/02/2021 21:22

Unfortunately some people see an opportunity and then take advantage. Not an ounce of gratitude. You are doing the best for you and your children.

Step daughter ignoring me
MeridianB · 12/02/2021 21:30

Op, not to add more to your plate but please tuck away anything valuable, sentimental or breakable that you care about, just in case anything is accidentally broken or goes missing when they move out.

Not saying they would steal from you but angry people can sometimes take things to just be mean or cause inconvenience.

And change the locks once they’ve taken their overnight bags. Don’t leave them with access while they are arranging to pick up all their things.

Sorry to sound gloomy or harsh. People can do funny things during break-ups.

margottenenbaum11 · 12/02/2021 21:31

We'll be here OP. You are doing the right thing, never doubt that.

IridecentPearl · 13/02/2021 02:29

Sending virtual support. I can relate.

timeisnotaline · 13/02/2021 02:56

I’d actually pop my head in after ending things with dp and say to sd I did hear that conversation and I disagree completely- it’s not about you, I wish very much your mum was a better parent. You deserve more support and care to be honest, more being looked after. I’m not allowed to so I can’t. You’re a lovely person, I loved the chats we used to have and I really do hope things turn out well for you sweetheart.

Just to try and leave a positive message with that poor girl who can't help her shitty parents. I wouldn’t have said it if her mum hadn’t blamed me.

blitzen · 13/02/2021 10:45

Just wanted to wish you good luck for this weekend, OP. It's going to be a tough one but I reckon you will feel better and happier, and feel a huge sense of relief when it's over with x

Princessbanana · 13/02/2021 10:57

Also wishing you luck!💐

Fooshufflewickjbannanapants · 13/02/2021 13:13

Hope all goes as well as it can today OP.

Original poster
Stepparentwoes · 13/02/2021 17:11

Things didn't really go well.

They are leaving tomorrow.

I ended up having a row with dp, which really isn't what I wanted and absolutely everything came out. Dp told me she would fuck off, went for a walk, then came back full of tears and apologies and begged me to still be with her.

Sd unexpectedly came back after falling out with her other Mum and they had a massive argument, I had to tell them to take it outside for a walk.

Now I have a sulky dp and sd in her room, I presume dp will stay the night in there, and thats where we are at right now. They have something sorted for tomorrow.

Its been a hard day today. Tomorrow will likely be worse still.

OP posts:
ScribblingPixie · 13/02/2021 17:43

Ah, sorry it's been rough, OP. I've been checking to see how you've got on. But the first part is done. You're halfway there. Just one more day & it's over - very good news that they've got somewhere to go. The Mumsnet emojis don't work for me but the biggest bunch of flowers for you.

billybagpuss · 13/02/2021 17:45

Tomorrow has a light at the end of the tunnel though. Well done, I’m sure you handled it much Better than you are currently remembering. To be honest I think it was inevitable that tempers would rise, it was such a difficult thing for you to have to do.

Poor sd although I doubt it was much of a surprise.

Good luck for tomorrow 💐

billybagpuss · 13/02/2021 17:46

And here’s an extra 💐 from @ScribblingPixie

ScribblingPixie · 13/02/2021 17:53

Thank you Billy :)
I agree that a row was perhaps inevitable - you've had to put up with so much. And maybe if you were very calm your ex-partner wouldn't have taken on board exactly how awful it's been for you.

Original poster
Stepparentwoes · 13/02/2021 18:00

Thank you Flowers

There's going to be a good few days of back and forth picking stuff up, I just hope things settle down to being civil at least.

When dp started crying and begging it was really so hard, I do care for her and I know that she is in an awful situation now.

I think she is going to be guarding sd while this is ongoing so unfortunately I don't think I'll get a chance to say anything to her.

I couldn't stop myself this morning, it was probably more of an attack than a row tbh. Every instance of shitty and disrespectful behaviour I said, I thought of another. She just said if she's that awful she would fuck off then and I said its probably for the best. Then half an hour later it was a total u-turn.

They aren't emerging out of sds room hopefully it will stay that way and the kids can get out for some exercise while they pack up.

I really don't think dp would steal anything from me. I don't have much anyway really and she and sd still have a lot of things here at the moment, but thank you, I will be cautious.

The atmosphere is worse rather than better at the minute, but that should change in a couple of days I hope.

In other breaking news I ordered a whole bunch of odd socks (I didn't know you could buy them odd) Grin pairing will be a thing of the past.

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 13/02/2021 18:05

There’s a fb game called odd socks, I got to an embarrassingly high level Blush

Original poster
Stepparentwoes · 13/02/2021 18:09

Imagine if I got addicted to a sock pairing game, but never bothered pairing up socks in real life Grin

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 13/02/2021 18:28

@Stepparentwoes

Imagine if I got addicted to a sock pairing game, but never bothered pairing up socks in real life Grin
That’s exactly what I was doing 😳