This is going to be a divisive one...

[TeaAndWine]

Interested in opinions and ways to deal with this. Will try to be succinct.

4 DC between 5-13. We have them two nights in the week and EOW, plus lots of times one on their own for sleepover etc.

DH pays what is set out on CMS but is officialy through the CMS if that makes sense. We just used the calculator on their website. Plus extras for trips/uniform etc.

DH's ex wife is going with a friend to Disney Orlando for two and a half weeks in September, without the kids, so we will have them that time. No problems, I'm quite looking forward to it.

The kids have been to Florida as holiday many times before, and this will be around her 15th time going. Odd to me why of all the places to go in this world without kids you would choose to go their again but hey ho, horses for courses etc.

My question is - Surely if we're having the kids for nearly three weeks DH should not be expected to pay CMS while she's there? That's effectively giving her spending money. Our bills for food/days out etc will go through the roof.

We simply cannot afford to pay the CMS that month and to have them. The CMS is just that - for the children. Who we will have.

We have them numerous other nights that have never been taken into account with the calculation.

I think part of me that I'm happy to admit is bitter as she's never worked a day in her life, even before she had kids, yet we can't even afford to go for a weekend away despite both working full time, but perhaps that's a different thread.

Would we BU to say we will be paying CMS for the one week she has them that month? As the money is for the children, who will be with us nearly the whole month?

Open to hearing thoughts. Don's tin hat

@getyourarseoffthequattro
No need to be so aggressive and abusive.

The courts would take everything into account. And having some of the kids for some nights and ‘going on holiday’ and dating not to work would not be how the court bases it’s decision...

Thank goodness!

Otherwise mumsnet would be in charge! Shiver.

Bedrooms are completely relevant to how a child feels is most their home. If someone is paying more for their own bedroom then that parent is investing more and is over 50/50 contribution to that child.

What????

I mean why does the ex need childcare if she doesnt work?

I dont think you get whats happening here

Op has them 48% of the time. The mum isnt doing "their childcare" in this time. Why on earth do you think she is??

@Snowfalling20 lol no judge sees it like that at all. Youre not contrubuting more becsuse you have a bigger house! Where are you getting your info because its totally wrong?

@Snowfalling20 has it been said somewhere that the kids have their own bedrooms at their mum's? A bedroom each for four children sounds highly unrealistic to me, I have never known a family that large who didn't share rooms. It's only on MN that I have known people be so precious about children needing to have their own rooms.

I really cannot believe this has descended into talking about bedrooms ffs. FWIW @Snowfalling20 we have a four bed detached, SD 13 in one, the two youngest boys in another, and SS in the other. We have one, is that okay? Shall I provide photos? The other questions in your ludicrous list I have answered and/or will not be answering as I really don't want to derail this thread any further than it already has been no thanks to you

DH contacted CMS today and we are looking at getting the amount recalculated. I had to borrow £59.99 for a new part for my car from my mum. We simply can't go on like this, it's not fair on us or the kids on the time we have them.
I feel it's worth bringing back to the original reason for my post - that month she's in Florida we will not be paying for the time we have them. It bares repeating, not paying for her to get souvenirs when we can't afford to do anything with the kids.

@aSofaNearYou no, they have the same set up at their mum's as they do with us.

The ex isn't doing 'childcare' they are her children ... or does that not apply to Mothers only Fathers?
I would ask for that reduction OP as that is only the fair way, the childrens lives will disrupted in this 3 weeks as I would imagine yours will be too, it is fair compensation FOR THE CHILDREN that they are not at a disadvantage whilst their mother is away.

We have one, is that okay? Shall I provide photos?

You lied in an earlier post and said that all of the children had their own bedrooms in your home. It is important that if we are to take the time to respond to you and give our views, even if they are not in agreement with yours, that you give the whole facts.

Not the current issue, but why doesn't your husband go for formal 50/50, like a week each? Routine for everyone and 50/50 of everything?

The childcare issue.

This is only an issue if the OPs DH is arguing that they are 50/50. And you have based your whole argument OP on the fact that you have them 50/50. So childcare is important.

I was pointing out, as a court would also want to know. That to be truly 50/50 and therefore no parents contributing financially to the other, then both parents would be expected to show they are equally splitting time. Which includes day times.

The OP and her DH both work full time and therefore cannot be offering 50/50 care unless they have childcare.

OP you have dodged very important questions about:
Whether Dad picks up from school?
So I presume he does not. So mother picks all 4 kids every day from school and looks after them. This is not 50/50.

Whether Dad looks after the kids full time during the holidays?
I presume he does not otherwise how does he fit them in with his full time job? Or if he does, is it one week, two weeks, half of the holidays?
If he does not physically care for them during the day or pay childcare for half the holidays then it is not 50/50.

Does he pay for their clothes and their phones / computers etc? Holidays clubs? Extra curricular?
If him and his Ex have written ALL costs down, and then halved them, then fine. Yet by your reports OP he hasn’t done this, so again, this is not 50/50.

You said clearly in your earlier posts that you did not have ALL the children on the nights stated. And often it was ONE child. You have not clarified this but instead have declared 168 nights and let posters believe that this is for all 4 children on all of these nights.

Again, this is important.

If you want to dodge these questions again, then don’t pretend that this is a willingness on your part to get some fair opinions on your situation. As you haven’t really given us an unbiased and more factual view of your situation.

The OP and her DH both work full time and therefore cannot be offering 50/50 care unless they have childcare

Maybe they work opposite shifts? Maybe parents siblings or friends help? not everyone uses paid childcare...

@Snowfalling20 none of what youve said is how 50/50 works or what a judge would consider

The TIME is split 50/50 and the parents are expected to financially support the kids in their time only.

Its up to the parents whether costs for uniforms and clubs are split in half or whether they each buy their own set of uniform or only pay for clubs attended in their time.

All your questions are irrelevant. You clearly have no idea how this works at all!

@Snowfalling20 I am going to put this in caps as you clearly missed it the first time.
YES DH PICKS THEM UP FROM SCHOOL REGULARLY AS HE CAN WORK FROM HOME.

I haven't read the rest of your list as you're the one clearly not listening. I will not be responding any further to your pointless questions.
God I hate this forum sometimes.

Moving on, thank you everyone who has read and responded, either agreeing or disagreeing with me, it is appreciated.

This is why it’s actually much easier all round to have 50:50 and then no monies due. I would try to arrange this if you can in a more formal way.