University expenses dilemma

[Iwonder08]

Dear All,

I would appreciate your opinion on the dilemma.

My husband of 3 years has 2 sons, 16 and 19, we have a newborn together.
19yo DSS will start uni in September.
Strangely enough neither my DH nor DSS ever tried to actually calculate the student dept DSS will have after graduating considering both uni fees and a maintenance loan. Both DSS and DH thought it is unlikely he will go to uni due to having bad grades, but 1 uni accepted him with all Cs.
Now DH is debating whether he should pay for DSS's accommodation (£6k/year) in order to reduce his student debt.
Child maintenance he pays now is quite high, it will be reduced a bit when SDD starts uni. The reduction is significantly less than £6k/year he is considering for the student accommodation.
£6k/year is technically possible, but will leave no disposable income for DH which means all the unplanned/emergency expenses, holidays, realistically more than 50% of the childcare costs when I go back to work in several months will have to be covered by me. We didn't go through the details yet, it all came very sudden yesterday.
I have never been in the situation before, my parents haven't supported me through uni, I had jobs. I honestly don't know if it is reasonable approach and should be expected or is my DH is reacting this way due to this unexpected place at uni when he didn't have high expectations before..

This is how it works in Scotland:

Household income Bursary Loan Total
£0 to £20,999 £2,000 £5,750 £7,750
£21,000 to £23,999 £1,125 £5,750 £6,875
£24,000 to £33,999 £500 £5,750 £6,250
£34,000 and above £0 £4,750 £4,750

The bursaries aren't repayable but the thresholds are pretty low to not be entitled to anything. So, you can be on £35k as a family, have a couple of DC in Uni and/or large financial comitments, and they can't actually borrow enough to live on without a parental contribution or working. That's just the way it is. The £4750 doesn't always even cover basic self catered accommodation

Sorry, there were gaps when I pasted it in - hopefully you can get the gist.

Your husband can’t afford to pay for his son’s accommodation if it leaves the costs for your shared child your sole responsibility. Usual ridiculous comments about how you couldn’t afford a child I see but it sounds like the idea of university came very recently and wasn’t ever part of the equation so just ignore them. Even if it was on the cards beforehand, supporting his son is your husband’s job, not yours, and his older son is an adult so needs to at bare minimum be budgeting properly and acting like the adult he is. Yes the current system is a stupid joke but as stated by others, these loans act like a graduate tax not a normal type of loan. I’d set no store in his certainty your younger DSS won’t want to get a degree as no one seemed to have an idea the older one would till last week. He’d be committing money you don’t have for many years to come which is completely irresponsible. Give him the same amount as you give his mother currently in child support and try to help him be a bit mature about budgeting etc but he sounds clueless tbh and very impulsive so make it crystal clear from the outset that that’s the limit and it’ll be no good him coming crying to you in a couple months claiming poverty because he doesn’t know where his money’s all gone.

Must be a full house by now.

Excellent. The 'mickey mouse course' poster has arrived. This thread has it all.

Are you always so rude Browniebronze?

It’s nothing to do with step parenting, can he afford the same for all his children full stop. If he can’t it’s ok, it happens.

Jezzz when I went to uni I had a part time job ... my parents did not support me in anyway. I don't understand why children believe parents should pay for them to attend university. Your DH will still be paying maintenance surely that will go to support the child?

Doesn't child maintenance stop after A levels? If so it would be reasonable to give his son the same amount of child maintenance he has been giving to his mum.

Surely child maintenance only stops at A levels if the young person has a job and is living independently?

Most 18 year old don’t do this and are subsidised and housed ( at least part of the time ) by a parent. I’m sure you wouldn’t be suggesting that only the RP ( funnily enough almost always the mother ) should be the only one to support the young person.

Or maybe I’m the only person whose kids didn’t have a fantastic, well paid job and a lovely flat all of their own a fortnight after they sat their A levels .

I think that maintenance should continue (to some extent) while the person is in full time education as a minimum. However, it would be really dickish to stop maintenance when the DC is not working or able to access any benefits. The resident parent will no longer get child benefit etc I assume.

However, there are always two sides to everything and it depends on why the RP isn't working themselves as well.

I don't understand why children believe parents should pay for them to attend university
Dd is doing a health related course. She has do placements that are from 4 to 6 weeks long 9 to 5 plus extra travel. She doesnt have time for a job. As i said above we give her £50 a week.

"I don't understand why children believe parents should pay for them to attend university"

Because if you can afford it, it's a nice thing for parents to do to help their kids start off life with as little debt as possible. Surely you want more for your kids than you had or do you take the view 'well I didn't get it from my parents so my kids won't get it from me?'

If parents can afford it for all their children then go for it. But I do think parents should be encouraging their adult teens to work along side there courses even if it’s just a Christmas job or during holidays. I went to uni and done placement stints. I also worked and my both sets of parents helped me out when the going got tough. But largely I supported myself through uni. I chose a uni near home and paid rent to my mother.

Maybe the mother could get a job and pay her share.

I thought you still had to pay maintenance if your child was in education?

It really does depend on what you can afford. Dh and I view that we'd rather see them get the benefit of anything we can do for them while we are here. There may be very little for them left when we die and as "older" parents, we think that trying to give them as good a start as we can is something we want to do now. We are both from very poor backgrounds and want better for our DC. However, we did both get a strong work ethic and the ability to manage on a tight budget and I also want that for the DC too.

Working and getting your own money is a great feeling. It also gets you experience with dealing with people, being responsible and enjoying the fruits of your labour. that's why i think it's important that DC do work at some points while they are at Uni, whether they need the money or not. As an employer, i'd prefer candidates who have something other than qualifications on their CV, be it a shift a week in McDonalds or something more relevant to their chosen career.

Not uni witchy just to alevel or college

Maintenance stops after A levels. Of course the RP continues to house the student during the holidays and pay all the costs.

You’re normally expected to pay child maintenance until your child is 16, or until they’re 20 if they’re in school or college full time doing:
• A-levels,
• Highers or
• Equivalent.

I did not know this. I’ve just said this to H and he already knew this - apparently. But I’m confused by PP. RP would insist on rent surely as their child is an adult? I paid rent. My dad helped me with my first car and contributed towards a computer etc but it’s BMs choice to house and pay all the costs surely.

Oh ... Child benefit stops when children start university as it is not considered full time education.

If he got all C's , he is not doing a great course like Medicine, Maths, Engineering etc where he has to go to a particular university.
He can't be going to a red brick university either.
So why doesn't he just stay at home and go to a local commutable university and save on rent?

I don't understand why children believe parents should pay for them to attend university

The aGovernment expects loans to be topped up to the full level. Nothing to do with the children.

It is called Parental Contribution and is expected by both government and university. Yes, you can swerve it, but that's not big or clever.

Only the resident parent counts, it's a little over £8k for the full loan. We are giving dd £30 a week on top for food.

I’m Scotland they take account of household income, so that’s the Rp and any spouse or partners income.

Don’t know the English system.

But from the Op it appears that the DS in fact lives with his mother most of the time, so the lad can get the maximum loan. And he’s lucky enough to have a father who has a good income so he should of course support his Son AND his other children. It’s not either /or.

I’m sure the Ops husband took all this into account when he decided to have three children. Of course it affects your lifestyle but that’s his choice.