University expenses dilemma

[Iwonder08]

Dear All,

I would appreciate your opinion on the dilemma.

My husband of 3 years has 2 sons, 16 and 19, we have a newborn together.
19yo DSS will start uni in September.
Strangely enough neither my DH nor DSS ever tried to actually calculate the student dept DSS will have after graduating considering both uni fees and a maintenance loan. Both DSS and DH thought it is unlikely he will go to uni due to having bad grades, but 1 uni accepted him with all Cs.
Now DH is debating whether he should pay for DSS's accommodation (£6k/year) in order to reduce his student debt.
Child maintenance he pays now is quite high, it will be reduced a bit when SDD starts uni. The reduction is significantly less than £6k/year he is considering for the student accommodation.
£6k/year is technically possible, but will leave no disposable income for DH which means all the unplanned/emergency expenses, holidays, realistically more than 50% of the childcare costs when I go back to work in several months will have to be covered by me. We didn't go through the details yet, it all came very sudden yesterday.
I have never been in the situation before, my parents haven't supported me through uni, I had jobs. I honestly don't know if it is reasonable approach and should be expected or is my DH is reacting this way due to this unexpected place at uni when he didn't have high expectations before..

[SandyY2K]

@Iwonder08
It's been a while since you started the thread...but as DSS mum is unemployed...he qualifies for a bursary which he doesn't have to pay back.

He should apply directly to his Uni for this.

I think he should be getting an 8k loan based on his mum's income. That plus a bursary is fine.

[MeridianB]

I think the pp asking whether he really wants to go to Uni and what he expects out of it are on the right track.

Assuming he really does want to go (as opposed to him not being able to think of anything better) then he gets full grant and your DH can top up to an pre-explained amount that is realistic and affordable.

Does the 16 yo have a non-uni plan or is it still open-ended?

Why will your DH’s maintenance only be slightly reduced? Won’t it be halved?

[stuffedpeppers]

And will you treat their little brother the same way when he goes to Uni?

The honest answer is no you won't - will you then give the youngest siblings the same in cash?

[WhiteCat1704]

18 year olds are not children, they are adults. University is not a right and if an adult decides they want it they should get a job and earn money for it.

[Durgasarrow]

Surely parents with reasonable means can be expected to put SOME money toward children's education. The cost of university education both in the U.S. and the UK has risen much higher than it was in the past, so it isn't fair to compare what students paid back in the day. As far as childcare costs go--yes, childcare for babies is also expensive. Having university students and babies at the same time can result in a time of life when one is financially strapped. But "not having disposible income" does not mean broke. You can afford it. It's so unbelievably little. Having said that, if the student does not perform, I would not hesitate to yank it, either.

[Durgasarrow]

Nonetheless there are expenses for university education even in the UK, and parents have eighteen years to prepare for them. Not having the equivalent of a thousand pounds a year saved for a child's university education saved is pretty poor planning. And I'm sure the stepmother would like her child to have a university education if possible as well.

[minesagin37]

@Durgasarrow more the fool you for living in the USA and commenting on a UK based social media site. We don't vote your Presidents in or your social reforms do we?

[Bluewavescrashing]

I did a science degree with 25 hours a week contact time plus essays to write, labs to write up etc but still had a part time job. Friends of mine had 3 lectures a week, no job and were given £100 a week spending money from mummy and daddy, didn't take a loan as it was all paid from savings, had their own cars etc. I used to be envious sometimes but I do think I benefited from working whilst studying. Even if I pissed away most of my earnings Some friends had no family help at all.

[Bluewavescrashing]

I went to university when fees were 3000 not 9000 but still came out with a big loan. I had a whale of a time but had a pub job 2 evenings a week which paid for my social life. My degree was essential for going into teaching which was what I always wanted to do. I don't think it is always worth it to go to university these days.

[Bluewavescrashing]

Does DSS actually need to go to uni? Would he be better off starting in a job and working his way up? Gone are the days of going to uni just for a good time, unless your parents can easily afford it.

[Purpleartichoke]

He should
Provide whatever financial assistance he is capable of providing. He also needs to start saving for his other children because he should have been doing that all along.

[Durgasarrow]

Six thousand pounds is so little, if that is going to make it possible for your stepchild to attend university then by all means, go for it. When I was putting my kids through college I had to save $200,000. Per kid. And it costs more now. So you aren't getting sympathy from me.

[minesagin37]

He will get the full maintenance loan so in theory your DH is not 'expected to'. We pay for our DD's accommodation as she gets the minimum loan. The Government are about to change the guidance and be much more explicit about the amount parents should contribute. Have you actually read the guidance on the websites? If not time to research and not by posting on mumsnet!

[Runneryogi]

Can he get a part time job/summer work to help pay. That’s what I did and it gives experience that is helpful when looking for jobs after graduation plus teaching about budgeting and the value of money

[WitchyMcpooface]

Not doing

[Medievalist]

How will she ever learn to manage money if she has no access to any?

^^ this

[WitchyMcpooface]

That’s why she gets a job!? 😉 and let’s be sensible we’re doing all those things throughout her whole education.

Notbeingrobbed- this is very true but I think it would have helped me when I was at uni, it’s just a thought really.

[NotBeingRobbed]

Having a gym membership and actually going there are two different things - as we all know!

[Alsohuman]

How will she ever learn to manage money if she has no access to any?

[WitchyMcpooface]

It’s not her money, it’s mine

[WitchyMcpooface]

Yes it is controlling, that’s the point. (Not sure how that’s weird) UNTIL she proves she can manage money that’s the way it will be. If she stays at home, she’ll need a car! If she wants a bus/train pass a I would do that instead. I have the bonus of knowing my SD - a massive variable in this thread- and she isnot responsible with money, yet! 🤣 let her decide what to spend her money on hilarious

[Ligresa]

That's weirdly controlling and she won't need a car. Just top up her maintenance loan and ket her decide what she spends her money on!

[WitchyMcpooface]

If my SD chooses to go to uni H and I have already discussed that we will not be topping up any loans and stopping her maintenance. We will encourage her to get a job. However we will pay for a gym membership for her, pay any expenses for her car if they crop up and arrange a food card for her on a weekly basis and top her phone. That way we know she’s fed, healthy and safe. We believe a little struggling won’t hurt her. We would make sure she is equipped for study also, books, laptop at the beginning of each year. I went to uni twice, I stayed at home and paid rent and WORKED! I chose a uni close to home because I couldn’t afford halls. Sometimes you just cannot afford stuff! Oh well, you’ll get over it.

[WhyBirdStop]

Would s compromise be DSS takes full loan, he's unlikely to pay it all back Abhay and the same amount will come out of his wages before tax based on his earnings not his loan amount. Then his father continues to pay the same amount of maintenance but directly to his son, rather than to his mother.