University expenses dilemma

[Iwonder08]

Dear All,

I would appreciate your opinion on the dilemma.

My husband of 3 years has 2 sons, 16 and 19, we have a newborn together.
19yo DSS will start uni in September.
Strangely enough neither my DH nor DSS ever tried to actually calculate the student dept DSS will have after graduating considering both uni fees and a maintenance loan. Both DSS and DH thought it is unlikely he will go to uni due to having bad grades, but 1 uni accepted him with all Cs.
Now DH is debating whether he should pay for DSS's accommodation (£6k/year) in order to reduce his student debt.
Child maintenance he pays now is quite high, it will be reduced a bit when SDD starts uni. The reduction is significantly less than £6k/year he is considering for the student accommodation.
£6k/year is technically possible, but will leave no disposable income for DH which means all the unplanned/emergency expenses, holidays, realistically more than 50% of the childcare costs when I go back to work in several months will have to be covered by me. We didn't go through the details yet, it all came very sudden yesterday.
I have never been in the situation before, my parents haven't supported me through uni, I had jobs. I honestly don't know if it is reasonable approach and should be expected or is my DH is reacting this way due to this unexpected place at uni when he didn't have high expectations before..

[Bookworm4]

@ligresa
You do know not every student lives in halls? It’s not always available, you live in some other world apparently from your narrow mindedness. So if your DS had £9k to live on how would he manage without working if his halls are £7.5k? Very few students earn enough in the summer to support them throughout the year.

[M0RVEN]

It’s often hard for students living away from home to get a job. Employers understandably prefer someone who can work weekends during term time and FT at summer and Christmas.

Also some students have courses that are pretty much 9-5 most days and a huge amount to do in the evenings. It’s a bit easier if you have two lectures and one tutorial a week.

[Ligresa]

you live in some other world apparently from your narrow mindedness

Um most first year students (as the OP is talking about) get allocated rooms in halls.

7500 included food credit, so 1500 would give 40 a week to live on. Not lavish, but doable, particularly if you work in the hols.

[Ligresa]

It’s a bit easier if you have two lectures and one tutorial a week

Yes, as i was berated for pointing out upthread, dds mate has 4 hours contact time per week and finds a job easy.

[Ariela]

@Iwonder08
Going off topic being discussed but one further thing you can look at as DSS is coming from an unprivileged family in that the mother is on benefits, is that quite often there are local funds and bursaries for education that are on offer for children from less well off families. Local parish councils sometimes often offer them - not often a large sum but useful to cover the cost of text books, and universities sometimes offer grants for children coming from poor areas or schools with poor university representation or where parents of the child did not go to university. Might be worth looking in to given the situation your DSS is in.

[WhyBirdStop]

Would s compromise be DSS takes full loan, he's unlikely to pay it all back Abhay and the same amount will come out of his wages before tax based on his earnings not his loan amount. Then his father continues to pay the same amount of maintenance but directly to his son, rather than to his mother.

[WitchyMcpooface]

If my SD chooses to go to uni H and I have already discussed that we will not be topping up any loans and stopping her maintenance. We will encourage her to get a job. However we will pay for a gym membership for her, pay any expenses for her car if they crop up and arrange a food card for her on a weekly basis and top her phone. That way we know she’s fed, healthy and safe. We believe a little struggling won’t hurt her. We would make sure she is equipped for study also, books, laptop at the beginning of each year. I went to uni twice, I stayed at home and paid rent and WORKED! I chose a uni close to home because I couldn’t afford halls. Sometimes you just cannot afford stuff! Oh well, you’ll get over it.

[Ligresa]

That's weirdly controlling and she won't need a car. Just top up her maintenance loan and ket her decide what she spends her money on!

[WitchyMcpooface]

Yes it is controlling, that’s the point. (Not sure how that’s weird) UNTIL she proves she can manage money that’s the way it will be. If she stays at home, she’ll need a car! If she wants a bus/train pass a I would do that instead. I have the bonus of knowing my SD - a massive variable in this thread- and she isnot responsible with money, yet! 🤣 let her decide what to spend her money on hilarious

[WitchyMcpooface]

It’s not her money, it’s mine

[Alsohuman]

How will she ever learn to manage money if she has no access to any?

[NotBeingRobbed]

Having a gym membership and actually going there are two different things - as we all know!

[WitchyMcpooface]

That’s why she gets a job!? 😉 and let’s be sensible we’re doing all those things throughout her whole education.

Notbeingrobbed- this is very true but I think it would have helped me when I was at uni, it’s just a thought really.

[Medievalist]

How will she ever learn to manage money if she has no access to any?

^^ this

[WitchyMcpooface]

Not doing

[Runneryogi]

Can he get a part time job/summer work to help pay. That’s what I did and it gives experience that is helpful when looking for jobs after graduation plus teaching about budgeting and the value of money

[minesagin37]

He will get the full maintenance loan so in theory your DH is not 'expected to'. We pay for our DD's accommodation as she gets the minimum loan. The Government are about to change the guidance and be much more explicit about the amount parents should contribute. Have you actually read the guidance on the websites? If not time to research and not by posting on mumsnet!

[Durgasarrow]

Six thousand pounds is so little, if that is going to make it possible for your stepchild to attend university then by all means, go for it. When I was putting my kids through college I had to save $200,000. Per kid. And it costs more now. So you aren't getting sympathy from me.

[Purpleartichoke]

He should
Provide whatever financial assistance he is capable of providing. He also needs to start saving for his other children because he should have been doing that all along.

[Bluewavescrashing]

Does DSS actually need to go to uni? Would he be better off starting in a job and working his way up? Gone are the days of going to uni just for a good time, unless your parents can easily afford it.

[Bluewavescrashing]

I went to university when fees were 3000 not 9000 but still came out with a big loan. I had a whale of a time but had a pub job 2 evenings a week which paid for my social life. My degree was essential for going into teaching which was what I always wanted to do. I don't think it is always worth it to go to university these days.

[Bluewavescrashing]

I did a science degree with 25 hours a week contact time plus essays to write, labs to write up etc but still had a part time job. Friends of mine had 3 lectures a week, no job and were given £100 a week spending money from mummy and daddy, didn't take a loan as it was all paid from savings, had their own cars etc. I used to be envious sometimes but I do think I benefited from working whilst studying. Even if I pissed away most of my earnings Some friends had no family help at all.

[minesagin37]

@Durgasarrow more the fool you for living in the USA and commenting on a UK based social media site. We don't vote your Presidents in or your social reforms do we?

[Durgasarrow]

Nonetheless there are expenses for university education even in the UK, and parents have eighteen years to prepare for them. Not having the equivalent of a thousand pounds a year saved for a child's university education saved is pretty poor planning. And I'm sure the stepmother would like her child to have a university education if possible as well.