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Original poster

University expenses dilemma

230 replies

Iwonder08 · 17/08/2019 02:39

Dear All,

I would appreciate your opinion on the dilemma.

My husband of 3 years has 2 sons, 16 and 19, we have a newborn together.
19yo DSS will start uni in September.
Strangely enough neither my DH nor DSS ever tried to actually calculate the student dept DSS will have after graduating considering both uni fees and a maintenance loan. Both DSS and DH thought it is unlikely he will go to uni due to having bad grades, but 1 uni accepted him with all Cs.
Now DH is debating whether he should pay for DSS's accommodation (£6k/year) in order to reduce his student debt.
Child maintenance he pays now is quite high, it will be reduced a bit when SDD starts uni. The reduction is significantly less than £6k/year he is considering for the student accommodation.
£6k/year is technically possible, but will leave no disposable income for DH which means all the unplanned/emergency expenses, holidays, realistically more than 50% of the childcare costs when I go back to work in several months will have to be covered by me. We didn't go through the details yet, it all came very sudden yesterday.
I have never been in the situation before, my parents haven't supported me through uni, I had jobs. I honestly don't know if it is reasonable approach and should be expected or is my DH is reacting this way due to this unexpected place at uni when he didn't have high expectations before..

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MollyButton · 17/08/2019 08:59

I would suggest your DH and you read the MoneySaving Expert on Student loans - which are not "real" loans in the traditional sense. It would be much better if your DH wants to give DS this much money to hold on to it and give it to him later.

GaraMedouar · 17/08/2019 09:03

I don't think DH should pay £6k a year. Just the amount to top up maintenance loan. My DS is off to uni in Sep. He will get student loan for fees and then maintenance loan not max amount. I plan on giving him £200 a month and pay his phone and we are hoping his dad (divorced) will also contribute something but over the years her has been notoriously stingy so he may refuse to give any more. My DS will have to get a job of he wants more.

Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 09:10

My ds is off in September. He us getting 75 a week to live on and i will pay his phone. 4k maintenance will go on first two terms accommodation and i will pay the last term.

pumpkinpie01 · 17/08/2019 09:14

It would be pointless him paying £6k when he can get the maximum loan , £87 a week is plenty to live off , my DS had that and he did t use his overdraft until the 3rd year. Why doesn't he just set up a standing order for say £30 a week if he wants to help him and every time he comes back take him on a food shop. Does he have a job that he can continue when he comes back in the holidays ?

Fourcandlesx · 17/08/2019 09:17

He will never be saddled with a debt he can't pay. If he isn't working then he doesn't pay anything. If he gets a minimum wage job he doesn't pay anything either.

My understanding is as follows:
I'm not sure of the exact threshold but say it's £20,000 for the purposes of this example. Under £20,000 and no student loan repayments at all. Earn £21,000 and you repay at a rate of 9% for anything over the £20,000. 9% of £1,000 is £90 a year. Given that you then divide this by 12 you can see that it's always going to be affordable to pay back. As a previous poster says it's not a loan in the normal sense of the word.
Have I got that right? If I have misunderstood the process I would be very grateful for someone to tell me on here!

titchy · 17/08/2019 09:21

He'll have £3.5k left over after paying rent, which is £350 a month in term time. That's plenty. It makes no sense to reduce loan borrowing as the repayments remain the same regardless.

Carry on paying his phone bill and send him the odd Tesco delivery and £20 if you want to be supportive, no need for anything else.

titchy · 17/08/2019 09:22

Your understanding is correct fourcandles - threshold is £26k though. Smile

Fourcandlesx · 17/08/2019 09:26

Thank you titchy - even better 😊

HugoSpritz · 17/08/2019 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Iwonder08 · 17/08/2019 09:35

Thank you all for your comments, much appreciated. I can see it doesn't make any sense to reduce the maintenance loan amount. DH will now figure out how much he can provide do DSS just to top up whatever else needed rather than paying the entire accommodation cost in order to reduce the maintenance loan

OP posts:
8by8 · 17/08/2019 09:35

It’s not about being “worthy” - I have a friend who worked for two years doing school leaver office admin stuff, then went to a not very good uni, did an easy course, graduated with a lot of debt.....and found that she could still only get the same kind of admin roles with no noticeable increase in salary. Uni is not worthwhile, or even helpful, for everybody.

NotBeingRobbed · 17/08/2019 09:38

@HugoSpritz what line of work? That’s interesting.

hellsbells99 · 17/08/2019 09:39

@Hugospritz - your DS has done very well! If you don’t mind me asking, what sort of job does he have? My DD is just starting to apply for grad schemes.
Op - what the majority of posters have said about living off his loan is correct. But your DH can help financially by giving money for house deposits etc (which normally happens by Xmas this year for next September), train tickets home, extra food shops, starting costs - new quilt, bedding, kitchen stuff, bag, first food shop etc. Also DS will be home for about a third of the year so perhaps he should pay DS’ mum some child maintenance costs for when he is at home as he will need feeding etc.

NoLeopard · 17/08/2019 09:40

So rent is 6k and the loan is 7.5k leaving 1.5k spending money over 40 weeks (or less). So c.£40 a week for food, plus any income from a job, also savings from working over holidays. If I was dh I'd pay the rent deposit and sub him £100 every now and then e.g. when you see him or when he needs books etc. My 3 dds lived on their loans and wages, we weren't in a position to stump up much.

brightfutureahead · 17/08/2019 10:27

In my opinion dependent children and their needs come first. The 19 year old is capable of getting student loans and a job. If he wasn’t with you, he wouldn’t be able to pay all that. Also, you’d be paying for most things for your children so that he can pay for that one (adult) child’s uni costs. How is that fair?

If one of my children was going off to uni, I would support them the best I can. BUT all children still at home and dependent on me would come first. For example, if and when my eldest goes to uni when he is 18, my youngest will still only be 10. There is no way I would pay loads of money for my son’s uni costs and leave me short to provide for my children who are still completely dependent on me. It’s just common sense. And it baffles me why common sense just flies out of the window when it comes to stepchildren and blended families.

Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 10:32

That's a bit ridiculous brightfuture. Noone is suggesting its a choice between partying at uni or food for a 10 year old, but a teen at uni MAY need financial support and if you earn over the threshold you will have to pay it.

Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 10:36

It's amazing how many parents are willing to financially dump their kids once they get to 18.

Teenagers are far more expensive than preteens!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 17/08/2019 10:38

Hang on - why can't the unemployed mother get off her proverbial to pay for her son's upkeep?

brightfutureahead · 17/08/2019 10:39

I’m not saying it’s either or. I’m saying parents shouldn’t have to pay more than they can afford. If it means the younger children will have a lower standard of living then it’s not affordable.

hsegfiugseskufh · 17/08/2019 10:39

brownie youre not a kid at 18. Adults need to financially plan for themselves not just apply for uni because everyone else did and then expect mummy and daddy to pay for it.

brightfutureahead · 17/08/2019 10:41

Teenagers are far more expensive than preteens!

Doesn’t mean they always come first though. A third pair of trainers for a 13 years old is not more important than a younger child eating for a week. Simple as that.

Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 10:42

A lower standard of living? For a ten year old?

I'd be interested to know how you define that. If you are earning so little that you couldnt afford to feed and clothe your 10 year old then your older child would be eligible for maximum maintenance loan.

If you mean cutting down on treats and holidays i think that is just what all families do, it's called budgeting Confused

brightfutureahead · 17/08/2019 10:44

If you mean cutting down on treats and holidays i think that is just what all families do, it's called budgeting

It’s called giving the child a full life. The eldest had holidays and treats when they were 10 so the younger ones should get the same opportunities. I think if parents can support children through uni then that’s great, but not if it puts everyone’s else’s lives on hold for 3 years.

brightfutureahead · 17/08/2019 10:45

Ffs phone is autocorrecting everything today.

Browniebronze · 17/08/2019 10:45

If you want your 18 year old to have the choice of attending uni, and you earn over the lowest limit, you, as their parent, are expected to pay for it.

They are not financially secure adults, they are students and require parental support.

It's all too easy to sit on your laptop with a toddler and pontificate about how they will have to pay for uni themselves when they reach 17, but that's not how the world works I am afraid.