University expenses dilemma

[Iwonder08]

Dear All,

I would appreciate your opinion on the dilemma.

My husband of 3 years has 2 sons, 16 and 19, we have a newborn together.
19yo DSS will start uni in September.
Strangely enough neither my DH nor DSS ever tried to actually calculate the student dept DSS will have after graduating considering both uni fees and a maintenance loan. Both DSS and DH thought it is unlikely he will go to uni due to having bad grades, but 1 uni accepted him with all Cs.
Now DH is debating whether he should pay for DSS's accommodation (£6k/year) in order to reduce his student debt.
Child maintenance he pays now is quite high, it will be reduced a bit when SDD starts uni. The reduction is significantly less than £6k/year he is considering for the student accommodation.
£6k/year is technically possible, but will leave no disposable income for DH which means all the unplanned/emergency expenses, holidays, realistically more than 50% of the childcare costs when I go back to work in several months will have to be covered by me. We didn't go through the details yet, it all came very sudden yesterday.
I have never been in the situation before, my parents haven't supported me through uni, I had jobs. I honestly don't know if it is reasonable approach and should be expected or is my DH is reacting this way due to this unexpected place at uni when he didn't have high expectations before..

[hsegfiugseskufh]

I wouldn't stop holidays or treats for my younger child because my older child couldn't be arsed to get a PT job.

How is that fair?

[WaxOnFeckOff]

Some bonkers folk on here. If you are really well off and can afford it then yes is good to give extra support, however you still get them to take the loan offered, even if they don't spend it all.

However, if you can't support it you can 't. Being honest, he'll get as much benefit for his future from having a part time job as he'll get from a degree.

Remember they will take your DHs income into account in terms of calculating how much he can borrow and if you do end up with 2 in uni at once, they take no account of the money you are already expected to top up the loan to. My DS2 can only borrow £4750, but his halls will use all of that. So we are still expected to support him etc. We also have DS1 at uni but living at home thankfully but we support him to the same level. At the moment. If we can't in the future then they'll have to find another way.

[Browniebronze]

Of course some students with a lighter courseload can get a part time job to fund any partying, ds will probably do this. But lots of courses have a heavy course load and working is very difficult.

A 10 year old doesn't need constant treats anyway!

[Browniebronze]

Being honest, he'll get as much benefit for his future from having a part time job as he'll get from a degree

Yes, some bonkers folk on here!

[hsegfiugseskufh]

Remember they will take your DHs income into account in terms of calculating how much he can borrow


No i think its the household income. They dont live in dhs household so it will just be the mums income i think.

[brightfutureahead]

It's all too easy to sit on your laptop with a toddler and pontificate about how they will have to pay for uni themselves when they reach 17, but that's not how the world works I am afraid.

Erm, I know how the world works. I have friends who went to uni and although the got some support from family they also got JOBS. It’s not rocket science.

[hsegfiugseskufh]

Tbh i dont know a single person whos parents paid their way through uni. They all got pt jobs.....

[brightfutureahead]

A 10 year old doesn't need constant treats anyway!

I didn’t say they do. And to be fair, teenagers don’t need the constant endless things they want either.

[Browniebronze]

plenty of students get jobs to support partying. The maintenance loan is for food, books, travel and accommodation. If you are insisting your dc gets a 15 hour a week job (the most any uni would recommend) to pay his rent, what happens when he loses his job?

[WaxOnFeckOff]

I would add that DHs entire salary is going to at for accommodation and travel and allowance to the DSs as we hope that they can take the loan but not use it. Thereby giving them a lump sum to get them started when they graduate. DS1 is in a 5 year course and DS2 on a 4 (Scottish uni ). However, we have no younger DC and are willing to sacrifice lifestyle for them. But, if we couldn't afford to do it then we couldn't, there is no magic money tree.

All you can do is be as fair as possible.

[Alsohuman]

Is a university place requiring only C grades worth having and getting into debt for? If he’s not academic it seems pointless. Perhaps a (debtfree) apprenticeship would be more appropriate?

[NotBeingRobbed]

If you want your 18 year old to have the choice of attending uni, and you earn over the lowest limit, you, as their parent, are expected to pay for it. They are not financially secure adults, they are students and require parental support.

Correct. It’s impossible to do it without parental support, unless from the poorest households. Even then it would be very difficult. Shame my ExH doesn’t see this so I am left with all the costs.

[hsegfiugseskufh]

It’s impossible to do it without parental support

No its not.

[Browniebronze]

I think it depends what degree anyhuman

Someone with 3 as and a degree in English Lit might be less employable than someone with a B and 2 x Cs and a degree in occupational therapy, for example

[brightfutureahead]

plenty of students get jobs to support partying.

Maybe they should learn to budget then?

I don’t see why it’s fair to expect a parent to pay more towards uni costs when their adult child is blowing their money from their job on getting pissed.

what happens when he loses his job?

I’ve already said I’ll help the best I can. But only to a certain point. My first question would be “Why have you lost your job?” If it’s through redundancy, I would see if I can help more temporarily. But if it’s through being sacked, again a temporary solution would be ok if it’s afforable, but it wouldn’t come without a threat of it being the last time. If they’re getting sacked from their job are they really that serious about uni? Life lessons.

[swingofthings]

Surely it doesn't have to be support fully or no support at all. You need to work out what you both feel is a reasonable level of disposable income for both of you to have the lifestyle you think you deserve. Then it can be agreed that X amount goes to help your SS on the basis that he will continue to work PT.

Uni is a lot more expensive than I thought it would be. DD goes the minimum loan which wouldn't even pay her accommodation and that's staying at the cheapest possible, no shower or even basin in her room. She works PT during her studies and over 60h a week during the holidays. Still that wouldn't be enough for everything. Thankfully she's been left some money that she uses to pay for her accommodation. I pay half her car insurance (very old car, she does need it for when she works) and her mobile.

There is no right and wrong and indeed, the diversity in how much parents contribute is quite interesting, but although I strongly believe in uni kids supporting themselves as much as possible, I'd feel guilty not giving her anything to help.

[Browniebronze]

You have absolutely no clue brightfuture (name irony)

[brightfutureahead]

You have absolutely no clue brightfuture (name irony)

Ok then why don’t you enlighten me? Genuinely interested.

[Alsohuman]

It would be interesting to know what the degree’s in. My English Lit degree from a Russell group university led to highly lucrative employment @Browniebronze!

[Browniebronze]

I'd feel guilty if my dd came from a household that brought in 60k and I expected her to work 60 hours a week in the holidays to pay her uni accommodation, yes.

[Browniebronze]

Mine didn't i went to Cambridge then into publishing and teaching!

[brightfutureahead]

Lol. My household is nowhere near 60k. Maybe it’s you who doesn’t have a clue.

[Browniebronze]

That was in reply to swingofthings, not brightfuture

[NotBeingRobbed]

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl So how do they make up the gap between what they can borrow and their costs?

[brightfutureahead]

But still, your recent post just explains why your views and mine are completely different. You’re putting your own expectations based on your own income on to other people who don’t have as much income as you. Don’t tell me I have no idea. I know what is right for my own family thank you. And in 10 years time I will hopefully Ben in a better position to give them more, but right now if I had an 18 year old they wouldn’t get much from me however much I wanted to. I think it’s you who is up in the clouds.