Step son driving me nuts on holiday

[MichelleC69]

So we're in Spain for a couple of weeks, with my daughter(16) and step son (18) - this is a final holiday with his dad before he goes off to Uni in Sept. We're beach holiday/chilling out kinda people, and he knew this before he came with us. We work hard all year and the holiday is our chill time. My problem is he is expecting us to entertain him and have things planned every day (other than going to the beach which is apparently boring). My husband has planned a couple of day trips just for the two of them but has made it clear to him that if he wants to do anything else he can go off and do it - he doesn't have to be tied to us, he's an adult! But he has zero drive and is just sticking to us like a limpet, to the point where I had to specifically day this afternoon that I'd like a drink with his dad on our own when he threatened to tag along. Don't know what the answer is but I just needed to offload.

@BeardedMum do you say the same to the hundreds of posts made a day where people moan about their own bio children?

Why is the 12yo SS not with you all?

@loseitnotlooseit WTF has that got to do with this? Are you just looking for another reason to flame me?

Well, for what it's worth OP you are probably a lovely step mum. Not easy I know and home is different to being on holiday.

However, I feel that what you posted originally just didn't seem very kind somehow. If my 18 year old went on holiday with (maybe people who he wasn't used to going on holiday with?) I don't think he would know the 'right' thing to do tbh.

I do hear what you're saying about wanting some time with your DH - but, (just thinking about my ds here who incidentally is gorgeous and handsome and not shy at all - I just think he'd have to be told. He wouldn't 'get' why he couldn't come too.

I know that all of our experiences/lives are different but I still go back to my first post that you dd is comfortable there and knows her way around.

I am not trying to be a nasty poster. I just feel for the young man. Sounds like he doesn't know how he is supposed to behave?

@Guardsman18 I think there may be an element of that, yes. He's getting there. Only just starting to relax after a week. I just want us all to have a nice time and I really am trying to help him do that.

Thank you for not taking offence at my post. I really am a bit over invested in this I think!

No worries, I just felt a bit 'got at' yesterday. I guess you have to learn to take that, posting in a public forum.

I feel that sometimes when you post on here.It's great advice usually but sometimes things get lost in translation - if that's the right expression.

We have an 'odd' set up and God only knows how that would go down if I was to have a partner or husband!

I'm waffling now (sorry) but going to back to you, I don't think it's that strange a thing to say to him - me and your dad are going out for an hour. See you at dinner. As I said, he probably doesn't know what he's meant to do. (Maybe not as abrupt as that but you know what I mean I hope).

I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday. Think of me stuck in the uk!

• good advice

Oh and before I shut up - it wouldn't hurt for his dad to tell him either that he's going to have a quiet hour with you!

Your dislike of “the boy” is palpable.

Your perfect dd goes off alone because she knows the area and likes shopping.

You accuse your stepson of being clingy, yet you say if you don’t get time alone with dh you’ll go mad - so ridiculously dramatic.

The beach is boring, and he doesn’t know anyone else.

Now you’re annoyed because he was still in his room when you decided he should he up.

Look, I’m a stepmother. No stepmother bashing from me.

But you clearly don’t like this kid (and yes, he is a kid just because he’s technically an adult doesn’t mean he’ll be suddenly mature. I mean, you’re not!) and if that’s obvious on here it’s likely obvious to him.

You’re not a cow because you’re a stepmother. Maybe think about that.

And as for your dh. He should be making more of an effort. Two day trips in two weeks is fuck all.

Well, the tone of your posts did have me wondering if the 12yo had been left behind as he definitely would require entertaining.

He literally cannot win can he. So what if he wants to spend the morning in bed? It's his holiday too. He's clingy if he follows you around and doesn't allow you a drink on your own but now he's still in bed (or was when you posted) which would've been a perfect time for you and DH to have alone time he's wrong for that too.

I'm a stepmum. I get it, it's not the same as having your own child. But come on, it's obviously you're not liking him very much at the moment.

She doesnt need to post about her dd because clearly her dd has been brought up to be independent where dss has not.

I can't fathom the number of posters who seem to have the idea that a family holiday is the ideal opportunity for everyone to demonstrate how independent of each other they are! I thought they were about spending time together.

I simply cannot think of anything worse that being expected to wander around alone at 18 in a foreign, unfamiliar country.

I'd have been thrilled at the opportunity! FFS, OP is lamenting that this adult SS refuses to do any by himself. I'd be equally frustrated. Surely a family holiday doesn't mean spending every living second together?

And as for your dh. He should be making more of an effort. Two day trips in two weeks is fuck all

Maybe dh doesnt want to do endless day trips either? I wouldnt.

He shouldn’t want to leave his son who doesn’t know the area, and doesn’t like wandering around shops, to his own devices because an adult woman thinks he’s needy.

Most normal people actually spend time with family on family holidays.

Oh, and last night over dinner he announced that he would like to spend more time at ours as his mum's house is dirty.

And we can tell you are thrilled at this idea, yes?

I'm a step mum, I know how bloody hard it can be, cuckoos in your nest etc but give the poor boy a break. You moan when he's with you and you moan when he's in his room, it seems he can't win.

Why didn't you get him to bring a friend if you didn't want him stuck to you 'like a limpet'? He's in a strange country, he's not going to go off on his own is he? And 18 is really really not that old despite the posters on here saying they had a mortgage, were running their own business and flying to the moon on their own at that age 🙄

Maybe he also wanted an hour with his wife? Nothing wrong with that.

They are spending 2 weeks together. They wanted a drink alone ffs. They've not booked him into a seperate hotel you know.

Some people dont like spending 2 weeks solid with their kids which is understandable!

People get married and have kids at 18. A lot live alone and go to uni at 18. Most dont act like this. Id be dissapointed if my ds needed to be told when to shower tbh.

They wanted a drink alone ffs.

Which they had. Same as they could have had breakfast or lunch or whatever today when he was in his room. But instead, that seems to have pissed off the OP too. The thread isn't about getting one drink alone. That is obvious.

Some people dont like spending 2 weeks solid with their kids which is understandable!

Sad, but if that is the case, don't think 'the kids' won't be fully aware of that.

I am 100% on your side OP. To have your SS constantly whinge and moan he is bored but not doing anything about it himself is ridiculous! He hasn't contributed to the holiday and he knew what sort of holiday it was. It's as though he can't recognise that others are on holiday too.

Totally not unreasonable to want to spend time alone with your husband either.

Try and forget about him.

Try and forget about him.

Oh nice

TBH my frustration is wider than this, but this holiday has made it come to a head. He doesn't really want to do anything when he's home either, other than sit in his room. He doesn't go out with friends. He has a girlfriend but when he sees her they just hang around the house every time. He was meant to get a job last summer but he decided he couldn't be bothered. He has to be told to shower when he starts getting smelly, has to be told repeatedly to clean up after himself. He doesn't help out around the house and gets everything done for him. So yeah, it's not just about the one drink. My husband is as frustrated with me as him so it isn't just a step mum thing. He tries to encourage his independence but it falls on deaf ears.