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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step son driving me nuts on holiday

306 replies

MichelleC69 · 28/06/2019 17:11

So we're in Spain for a couple of weeks, with my daughter(16) and step son (18) - this is a final holiday with his dad before he goes off to Uni in Sept. We're beach holiday/chilling out kinda people, and he knew this before he came with us. We work hard all year and the holiday is our chill time. My problem is he is expecting us to entertain him and have things planned every day (other than going to the beach which is apparently boring). My husband has planned a couple of day trips just for the two of them but has made it clear to him that if he wants to do anything else he can go off and do it - he doesn't have to be tied to us, he's an adult! But he has zero drive and is just sticking to us like a limpet, to the point where I had to specifically day this afternoon that I'd like a drink with his dad on our own when he threatened to tag along. Don't know what the answer is but I just needed to offload.

OP posts:

Starfish0 · 01/07/2019 23:22

With that in mind you should not have booked a beach holiday. Sounds like it was a holiday for you and your DH rather than a family holiday. In fact you opened the OP by saying you work hard and are thus deserving of a rest
^^ this is funny! If the op wants to go on holiday, why shouldn’t it be of her and her partners choice?
My dc certainly won’t dictate where we holiday, whether they are 8 or 18. We are paying we decide, when they earn their own wage they have that prerogative.
Far too much pandering going on these days!
They have made the effort to do some activities he likes. Ops 16yo daughter manages to give her mother a bit of space for one drink, why can’t dss do the same, and also show a bit of appreciation for the holiday they have paid for.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 01/07/2019 23:25

Why post then?

You clearly give a massive fuck.

Magda72 · 01/07/2019 23:27

@Captaindobbin - you're referring to me. For the record I spend tonnes if time with my kids both at home & on holidays. We are doing daily activities together, but I am delighted to also see them hang out with other teens & get to meet new people. Generally kids & teens love activity & like being with their peers. And yes, it also gives me the chance to sit down with a glass of wine & read my book - I must be the worst parent in the world to want some me time on my annual holiday!
Like the op I am on here expressing frustration at my dp's kids; it's a frustration at constantly being commented on but not spoken to & various other behaviours. It's also a frustration borne out of worrying how the hell these kid's are going to survive as they get older without dp doing everything for them. Like the op dp's eldest is going to uni in sept & honestly I can't see how on earth he is going to survive when he literally won't do a thing without dp - he's 19! This is not about me getting a drink alone with dp (& I doubt it is for the op either) - it's about seeing kids who have been treated like snowflakes because their parents are divorced, totally dominate every situation even when their ages should indicate growing out of certain behaviours!!! & do is the first to say that he (& his ex) are the architects of this situation & he is now reaping what they both sowed.
Dp sees his kids regularly & does lots of stuff with them; to the extent that they are now overdependent on him, expect him to do everything for them & refuse to allow him any rest time either alone or with me.
Dp himself has just commented to me that my kids have thanked both of us about 3 times for the holiday & his have not thanked even him, once!
My kids are by no means perfect but they are empathetic & respectful & becoming more so as they get older which in my eyes is a good thing.

Original poster

MichelleC69 · 02/07/2019 08:29

@Magda72 the not thanking think you blood boil. My step son expects to order the most expensive thing off the menu every night, orders more food than he really needs (he's greedy) and oh oh yes I'll have a second pint (and then can't finish it because he's had enough) and not a single thank you has been heard from him this holiday. Two words. Never. Again.

OP posts:

Original poster

MichelleC69 · 02/07/2019 08:42

Just read that back and it makes no sense! Was meant to say it makes my blood boil.

OP posts:

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 02/07/2019 08:45

Well who brought him up?

It really sounds like you hate or at least dislike him.

Poor lad.

IvanaPee · 02/07/2019 08:47

Wow you really resent spending money on him don’t you?

Original poster

MichelleC69 · 02/07/2019 09:02

It's not about resentment of spending money. Kids should appreciate the value of money and what things cost. Automatically expecting to be able to order the most expensive thing on the bill and being completely ungrateful is unacceptable behaviour.

OP posts:

usernameuser · 02/07/2019 09:05

Bloody hell you really do dislike and resent him.
He's supposed to be your family, does you DD say thank you for every little thing?
If he orders the most expensive thing on the menu and you can't afford it, well tell him, like you would your DD.

Thank God he is going to uni in Sept, hopefully he'll find some really good friends who like having him around and don't pick up on every little thing he does wrong. Jeez

IvanaPee · 02/07/2019 09:12

Sounds like he can’t even breathe properly in your eyes, OP.

And I’m not the only person to think that. So if we notice, he might, too.

Now he’s an ungrateful kid. Earlier he was an adult who should grow up...

Scorpiovenus · 02/07/2019 09:32

This is why no step[ kids would be ever coming on holiday.
People need a break and I can imagine how much of a pest it is to deal with this after waiting so long for it, looking forward to it etc.

swingofthings · 02/07/2019 10:19

Kids should appreciate the value of money and what things cost. Automatically expecting to be able to order the most expensive thing on the bill and being completely ungrateful is unacceptable behaviour.
So why hasn't he been taught this many years ago? Sounds like your OP failed teaching him these values, so be gross with him, or are you just blaming his mother? Or maybe your OH don't mind that he orders the most expensive dish and two pints and only you have an issue with it.

Of course there's nothing wrong with one date night out of 2 weeks when the kids are 16 and 18. Sadly, your resentment of your SS must be so visible to him, he probably has reach the point of just doing the things that he knows will annoy you.

Anuta77 · 02/07/2019 16:29

Automatically expecting to be able to order the most expensive thing on the bill and being completely ungrateful is unacceptable behaviour.

I agree with swingofthings, your beloved husband should have thought him to be mindful of the family budget and to be grateful or maybe, it's his pleasure to treat his son.

readitandwept · 02/07/2019 17:28

Two words. Never. Again.

Good. Hopefully in future he can get more of the "final holiday with his dad" he was expecting.

shinynewapple · 02/07/2019 17:41

OP I asked you how long you and your DP had been together and whether you had holidayed with DSS before

Original poster

MichelleC69 · 02/07/2019 17:54

@shinynewapple we've been together for just over 6 years. We've been to Dubai with his kids but never on a beach holiday. Not sure why you want to know..... So many questions....

OP posts:

smallereveryday · 02/07/2019 18:12

Rule 8 OP ... you forgot rule 8 !!

I'll remind you. Then hopefully you will see the error of your ways !

There is NO amount of money that cannot be spent on a DSC. There are a whole set of special rules about money. Most importantly.. 'family money' this is money that YOU earn.. this must be divided between ALL children. However DH money is NOT family money . It is prioritised to be for 'anything the DSC need' .. (no limit or budget) then the remainder goes into the 'family pot'. You may not apply the same system to your child.

Paying a gazillion £££ in Maintenance for a DSC does NOT exempt the NRP family from this rule... Got that ? V important.

Original poster

MichelleC69 · 02/07/2019 18:13

Oh I do love your rules!!!

OP posts:

LatentPhase · 02/07/2019 18:14

Psst brace yourself, OP. Next you’re going to be asked ‘if you were the OW’

haha!!!

IvanaPee · 02/07/2019 18:19

@smallereveryday you’re utterly ridiculous! How bitter are you, seriously?

And as I said; I’m a step mum.

You’re just...weird really.

Original poster

MichelleC69 · 02/07/2019 18:27

For the record, I categorically was NOT the OW! The ex wife had an OW!!

OP posts:

LatentPhase · 02/07/2019 18:44

Haha!

Medievalist · 02/07/2019 19:01

A quick search shows that you have to 'vent' about your step kids quite a lot op, calling them 'ungrateful little shits' and 'filthy pigs'. I don't for one minute imagine you will be able to disguise that level of hatred, so I'm not surprised the 'family' holiday isn't working out.

IvanaPee · 02/07/2019 19:05

Jesus!

Nanamilly · 02/07/2019 19:09

Yep. And the sun shines out her daughters backside on those threads also.

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