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Original poster

DSS's mum is demanding we meet.

115 replies

Justwantaneasylifenowplease · 18/04/2019 12:00

DSS 12
Married 4, together 10.
Very difficult relationship with DSS's mum. Great relationship with DSS. The mum is demanding we meet to discuss how we can be at 'better ease with each other' I'm refusing, as I'm not at ease with someone who has abused me for 10 years ? Is this ok to stand my ground and say no? DH wants us to meet as refusal he thinks will cause WW13. Thoughts?

OP posts:
AuntieCJ · 18/04/2019 12:01

If she's been abusing you for years why on earth would you want to meet her? Your DH is daft.

NoBaggyPants · 18/04/2019 12:02

If she's genuine, then she wants to build a better relationship with you for the benefit of her child.

If she's not, then you get to walk away knowing you tried.

I'd go.

mummmy2017 · 18/04/2019 12:04

Meet in a pub, ifshe plays up there it will be witnessed,. By innocent parties.
Personally I would say yes, you seem to have nothing to lose in doing so.

cricketmum84 · 18/04/2019 12:05

I'm with @NoBaggyPants on this.

Be the bigger and better person and go and meet her. If she is still nasty to you then you have won. If she is nice and genuinely wants to make amends then you have won.

It's worth an hour or so of unease if it will make DSS life easier and more harmonious!

Original poster
Justwantaneasylifenowplease · 18/04/2019 12:06

I agreed to meet her 6 months ago, the last conversation ended when she called me an infertile spoiled whore.

OP posts:
JenniferJareau · 18/04/2019 12:07

It would be easier if you met and heard what she had to say although I perfectly understand why you'd probably do cartwheels around the front room if never had to deal with her directly again.

mummmy2017 · 18/04/2019 12:10

I would still go, so long as she has never attacked you.
Say hello , not speak and just listen to what she wants to say, and make sure your DH is there. If she goes off on one, you will never have to do this again.

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/04/2019 12:11

she cant demand anything. If you have been together 10 years, she doesn't need to meet you now.

AfterLaughter · 18/04/2019 12:12

Fuck that noise. Absolutely not.

Laloup1 · 18/04/2019 12:12

That’s very hostile. In your shoes I wouldn’t want to go either to be honest.

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/04/2019 12:13

there is no way that I would grace anyone who spoke to me like that with my presence.

If she wants to "better ease" the situation, she can start by growing the fuck up and respecting you and what you want first cant she.

churchthecat · 18/04/2019 12:15

"You called me an infertile whore. Of course I wont meet you."

Order654 · 18/04/2019 12:15

Nope. No chance I’d meet in your shoes

cricketmum84 · 18/04/2019 12:23

You never know, maybe she has had a spiritual epiphany and realised that the way she has behaved in the past is wrong?

I would still be the bigger person and go along.

cricketmum84 · 18/04/2019 12:25

Either that or she wants something and knows she needs to get you and DH on side before she asks.

Bookworm4 · 18/04/2019 12:27

Go and have your phone set to voice record and meet in public. The first insult or name walk away.

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/04/2019 12:28

I still wouldn't go, spiritual epiphany or not.

you don't get to go back on saying things like that, and people like that don't change.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 18/04/2019 12:29

I think given what happened last time you met you’d be well within your rights to say no. However, if you do meet, make sure it’s in a public place, and ideally take a “neutral” person along as a witness.

ScreamScreamIceCream · 18/04/2019 13:00

OP your partner is being completely unreasonable. If his ex has had an issue with you for 10 years and her behaviour has been that on which you could have easily got the police involved, then do not meet her.

Read up on stalking behaviour and you will understand that by not ignoring her you are both playing into her hands. She will keep up the harassment of you in particular if you meet her.

Your husband needs to have minimal contact with her - only as much as necessary to sort out child arrangements - and you need to have absolutely no contact with her at all.

Limpshade · 18/04/2019 13:04

That's a tough one. My first instinct was to say there's no way you can maintain the moral high ground if you refuse to even meet with her, but then given what she's said to you, I'm not surprised you couldn't care less!

Would your DH be present? If you did go, it sounds like you would need an intermediary at the very least.

Kedgeree · 18/04/2019 13:09

Not only would I not go to the meeting, I would also ignore the request to have it. Why give her the oxygen?

Magda72 · 18/04/2019 13:14

A resolute no from me!
If she is genuine/had a spiritual epiphany she'd apologise for past behaviour via email or txt & then ask to meet to chat and clear the air.
In my mind being the better person in this particular situation means not engaging with her.
Dss is 12 - has experienced no history of you both having contact; is no longer a young child & doesn't need his dm & sm to be at better ease with each other, all he needs is civility which can be done from a distance.

NorthernSpirit · 18/04/2019 13:33

An absolute no from me.

What an absolutely disgusting individual to have said those things to you.

Her ‘demanding’ to meet you is another attempt to exert her power / control. She only has these things if you allow it and feed her fire.

I’ve been with my OH over 5 years and known his kids for 4.5 years. There is no way I would ever meet the EW on her demands. She has to emotionally abused my now OH, used the children as weapons and is IMO an appalling individual. I don’t intend to ever give her the time of day.

SandyY2K · 18/04/2019 13:45

the last conversation ended when she called me an infertile spoiled whore.

No chance I'd meet someone who said this to me. I might (in the interest of the child), but only if I had an apology for what she said in advance.

If I didn't think the apology sounded genuine, I wouldn't go.

I'd actually be more annoyed that your DH expects you to go, after the abuse you've gone through. It doesn't sound like he has your back.

AtSea1979 · 18/04/2019 13:53

I wouldn’t meet, your DSS is 12 not a baby there’s no reason you need to be on speaking terms with this woman. You and your DH can communicate with DSS directly, presumably he has a phone etc so both you and DH never need to have contact with her again.
Why would you DH want to meet up with her? Do you think they want to tell you they’ve been having an affair?
Unless she’s dying I’d stay well clear and even then I’d want proof.

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