Pregnant, Easter holidays, gestational hypertension and SPD misery.

[Namechangeextrodinaire93]

Hi all. Just for background, OH has a 9YO DD and together we have a 4 YO DD. Both at currently on Easter holiday. DSD broke up a week before DD so we had her last week from Sunday until Saturday.

I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant and having quite a time of it. I’ve got gestational hypertension and was sent to hospital twice last week alone by the community midwife for a medication review and monitoring. I had to take DSD with me both times as OH was at work.

This week is looking to be pretty much the same. I’ve put my foot down for pretty much the first time ever and said to OH that I don’t feel well enough to look after both DC’s this week. It’s fallen on deaf ears and he’s agreed with DSD’s mum that we would have her from yesterday until next Monday - the day before she goes back to school. He never thought to ask me if this was ok, in fact he knew how much I was struggling.

This isn’t unusual for the holidays where DSD’s mum is concerned, she’s not usually bothered for having her for any length of time and as such I’ve never wanted DSD to feel as though she’s unwelcome here so have always just cracked on with it and tried to enjoy the holidays etc.

I’m struggling to walk very far thanks to my SPD and our two are a bit of a handful at the moment. My head is absolutely pounding today and my fingers/ankles have swelled up so I’m fully expecting to be sent to hospital today when I go and see the midwife.

My mum has also recently had a knee replacement so she can’t help with the kids either.

I got really upset about it all last night and OH just got mad and said he will never turn down an opportunity to have his DD which is fair enough but I feel as though these are exceptional circumstances. He can’t take any time off to help out or to even have them while I go to appointments. I’m really feeling quite disheartened, I was told to rest up as getting stressed will affect my BP in a negative way but I’ve just been left.

I don't know why that changed to expletive. It should say explained.

OP please call someone today. Call the HV, GP or even the police and tell them what's happened. You must evidence this formally. Taking photos is sensible but you do need someone in authority to physically see DD and talk to her. It's great that you're staying with a friend and can hopefully stay with your mum after that. Have you sent OH the pictures so he can see how badly DD has been hurt. Does she go to nursery or school? I would make sure you formally report the incident before they do.

Thank you so much for your advice. I got her into see our GP this morning before school.

He took photos of her bruises and said that the bruises on her forearms are likely from trying to defend herself against DSD. He said that coming to see him was the right thing to do and we have the evidence needed put a plan in place to protect DD from being exposed to this type of violence again along with DD’s own version of events. I also have texts from OH on my phone which prove that he knew they’d been fighting but that neither himself nor SIL ‘had the time’ to intervene. I’m guessing they’ll forward it on to SS which I’m absolutely terrified about but my hands are tied. What else can I do?

I’ve been into DD’s school and explained to the head teacher what’s happened and how I’ve been to the GP’s to make a report.

I don’t really know what to think of DSD anymore. I know she’s only a child but I’m quite scared by what she’s capable of.

I'm so sorry OP. But you are amazing. You're doing so well.
Don't think anything of her. She no longer means anything to you other than a threat to your child. It's not your responsibility to give a shit about her, her development or her feelings.
Your Ex is a shit father and hopefully your two children will be protected from him.

Well done OP. One thing at a time. You absolutely done what you need to in order to protect your child. Yes DSD is a child but she is also the age of criminal responsibility and therefore thought to understand the difference between right and wrong. I would welcome SS input. Remember they are not child catchers that go around with big nets witches hats. They want to help and DSD certainly needs that. I would suspect the process will flag her to the system which is good. You arent living there anymore and you have good support for you, DD and baby. You have nothing to worry about but they will be able to help you keep DD safe

Don't be scared of social services, you have done exactly the right thing. You might have a fight in your hands at some point, and this being evidenced properly will really benefit your case if needed.

You've done the right thing. You're quite amazing being able to deal with all this so logically, along with your pregnancy and the health issues there.

I know your SD is a child...but this is a year 5 child attacking a reception aged child.

Its outright bullying and SD has to know it's very very wrong.
I'll bet she would never hit a 4 year old in school.

Anyway the real issue is your OH. He was responsible and he let this happen. Very lazy and neglectful parenting.

Goodness op you have so much on your plate. I’m glad you’re not moving back, and well done on involving sociap services. I’m very sorry this is all coming to a head right now though, even though that’s not a coincidence. Your dp couldn’t keep the pretence up of being any use at all when he was needed to step up, because he can’t step up 😔.

@Namechangeextrodinaire93 - how are you doing? You've been on my mind & I hope you, baba & dd are all ok.

Hope you're OK OP.