Pregnant, Easter holidays, gestational hypertension and SPD misery.

[Namechangeextrodinaire93]

Hi all. Just for background, OH has a 9YO DD and together we have a 4 YO DD. Both at currently on Easter holiday. DSD broke up a week before DD so we had her last week from Sunday until Saturday.

I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant and having quite a time of it. I’ve got gestational hypertension and was sent to hospital twice last week alone by the community midwife for a medication review and monitoring. I had to take DSD with me both times as OH was at work.

This week is looking to be pretty much the same. I’ve put my foot down for pretty much the first time ever and said to OH that I don’t feel well enough to look after both DC’s this week. It’s fallen on deaf ears and he’s agreed with DSD’s mum that we would have her from yesterday until next Monday - the day before she goes back to school. He never thought to ask me if this was ok, in fact he knew how much I was struggling.

This isn’t unusual for the holidays where DSD’s mum is concerned, she’s not usually bothered for having her for any length of time and as such I’ve never wanted DSD to feel as though she’s unwelcome here so have always just cracked on with it and tried to enjoy the holidays etc.

I’m struggling to walk very far thanks to my SPD and our two are a bit of a handful at the moment. My head is absolutely pounding today and my fingers/ankles have swelled up so I’m fully expecting to be sent to hospital today when I go and see the midwife.

My mum has also recently had a knee replacement so she can’t help with the kids either.

I got really upset about it all last night and OH just got mad and said he will never turn down an opportunity to have his DD which is fair enough but I feel as though these are exceptional circumstances. He can’t take any time off to help out or to even have them while I go to appointments. I’m really feeling quite disheartened, I was told to rest up as getting stressed will affect my BP in a negative way but I’ve just been left.

I’m so fed up of everything. I’m dreading this baby being here now because it feels as though I’m given no consideration in anything.

I'm so sorry you're going through this :( I'm due July and am in so much pain. I couldn't imagine having to deal with everything you have to and then adding your husband and SD on top.

I’m trying so hard to make this work for all of us but it’s obviously only working if I’m the only one making the sacrifices.

I’m just starting to realise how much I’ve struggled over the past 7/8 years. It’s been a huge emotional strain and my mental health has really suffered. I feel as though I’m going to have a breakdown.

Without trying to be pedantic, if both children were biologically yours what would you do?

Not even pedantic just a pointless questions!

OP needs help and as DSD is not her child, one of the child’s two parents should be looking after their child!

Grrrr ‘can I have a drink seeing as though you haven’t got me one ALL DAY.’

Erm, you’re 10 years old, perfectly capable of reaching a tap and I’m on crutches!!! This attitude problem is driving me nuts too! I know it’s likely and age thing but it really isn’t helping. Nor is OH telling me not to snap!

It’s really difficult being a SM. Sometimes it feels like all the cons of being a parent with not as many of the pros. Right now you need to look after you first and your DP can help with his children.

Did you tell the little madam that?

OP, you’re not being selfish at all. You’re one of the least selfish people I’ve ever heard of. You NEED to be thinking of yourself, you need to be thinking of your baby. You’re being so terribly let down and you deserve so much more.

DSD can get her own drinks and if you’re meant to be on bed rest you shouldn’t be hobbling around on crutches waiting on anyone, least of all when your partner should be parenting his daughter himself and doing EVERYTHING to make your life easier. I don’t see how things will improve because his priorities are so wrong. All I can do is send you a hug and ask you to please please try and focus on yourself, keeping as rested as you can and remembering you and your baby need to come first

OP it's not an age thing, my kids have been making their own drinks since they were 4! They ask if they can have one, I say yes, then off they trot to the kitchen!

Yes, I did tell her and subsequently got told to to not to snap at her.

I know, DD (4) often gets her own breakfast and will also get her own drinks. I meant more that DSD is approaching that awkward, lazy, Kevin the teenager phase. I’m not making excuses up for her, it’s just a reason for this attitude.

Well I was so apprehensive about starting this thread but I’m so pleased I did. The outpouring of support has been really appreciated, given me the strength to do what was right by DD, myself and my unborn baby even if it went against every instinct I have.

He’s really shown his true colours tonight. I’m absolutely furious.

He fell asleep on me on the sofa earlier before I realised it was almost time for me to do my jab. I woke him up as gently as I could so I could go and get my meds from the kitchen. He called me a cunt, swore at me for waking him up and stomped upstairs.

I could hear him throwing things around upstairs so I jabbed myself and gave him 10 minutes to grow up before I went up myself. He’s chucked my maternity notes, which were on our bed and there’s paperwork everywhere. That’s upset me more than being sworn at and called names. Those are our baby’s notes, they’re so very important and he's thrown them as if they’re nothing like a toddler having a tantrum.

Jesus Op please please get out.
He may not hit you but he is threatening the lives of you and your baby.

That’s awful OP. Really awful. Please do what’s best for your DD, your unborn baby and most importantly yourself and leave. Can you call the friend who put you up before to come and collect you? Can you move in with your mother temporarily?

I’m so sorry this is happening at such a vulnerable time for you op but I think you are seeing what this man is really like. Not someone you can trust to look after you when you need it , even when you need it because you’re having his baby. And that’s not someone you can be a relationship with. Please tell the midwife your partner swore at you and threw your maternity papers everywhere because ... you woke him when you moved to do your jab as he was asleep on you. That way they will know home isn’t a safe environment.
Could you go to your mums? To your friends again? What are your options?

See if you can go to your friends again, at least you will be safe

For your health and that of your baby, you need to get away from him.

Throwing your maternity notes! Swearing at you!
Totally unacceptable.

He thinks you're stuck with him. That you would never leave him...so he treats you like this.

You need to be calm and not getting stressed by his stupidity. Good grief.

Op you need to leave. End of. I'm sorry to be blunt but this man sounds increasingly more awful & your life if you stay with him will be nothing but misery. Take your dd & go. I know the timing is pretty bad but you need to do this now, before the baby comes as I would predict with a baby in the house demanding the majority of your time he will get worse & worse. He's a despicable person.

I’m waiting for him to come and get DSD then I’m going back to my friend’s house.

I’m done. Have been sworn at already by DSD this morning. I wouldn’t put up with that from my own children so there isn’t a chance in hell I'm putting up with it from anyone else’s either.

Have put up with this shite for so long now I just took it as the norm and didn’t realise how bad it had gotten until now.

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this OP

He shouldn’t be doing this at all but especially when you’re pregnant

You do so much for all the family it seems

Oh God. Leave. Permanently! You don’t have to put up with any of this! X

It sounds like your DH isn’t coping with you changing the status quo. You have started challenging things and he doesn’t like it and now he is showing you who he is. He has allowed you to become childcare for his DD as he tries to show his ex that he is such a good parent when he isn’t even at home. Sounds like you have been caught up in their old dynamic that hasn’t changed and he still panders to his ex and doesn’t support you......look after yourself it sounds truly awful

That’s good you’re going. But I think it’s important that the reason you leave is your OH’s behaviour, not your DSS’s; you need to be very clear on that. If you leave, it should be permanent or at the v least a long-term split due to his abusive behaviour, not for short-term respite from a disrespectful tween.

Get the hell away from this abusive waste of space.

This all sounds awful and you are doing the right thing leaving, even if it is really scary. Your DSD is mirroring his behaviour towards you - he is the real problem but you don’t need additional stress right now. Is there
Someone who can help by going to the house and packing things up etc?

Oh OP, it’s just getting worse and worse and I’m worried for you. Please get yourself, your baby and your child away somewhere safe where you’ll all be looked after as you need right now. This is what he’s like now, it’s going to get yet worse when you’re vulnerable post birth and need to focus on your recovery and looking after your newborn.