Pregnant, Easter holidays, gestational hypertension and SPD misery.

[Namechangeextrodinaire93]

Hi all. Just for background, OH has a 9YO DD and together we have a 4 YO DD. Both at currently on Easter holiday. DSD broke up a week before DD so we had her last week from Sunday until Saturday.

I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant and having quite a time of it. I’ve got gestational hypertension and was sent to hospital twice last week alone by the community midwife for a medication review and monitoring. I had to take DSD with me both times as OH was at work.

This week is looking to be pretty much the same. I’ve put my foot down for pretty much the first time ever and said to OH that I don’t feel well enough to look after both DC’s this week. It’s fallen on deaf ears and he’s agreed with DSD’s mum that we would have her from yesterday until next Monday - the day before she goes back to school. He never thought to ask me if this was ok, in fact he knew how much I was struggling.

This isn’t unusual for the holidays where DSD’s mum is concerned, she’s not usually bothered for having her for any length of time and as such I’ve never wanted DSD to feel as though she’s unwelcome here so have always just cracked on with it and tried to enjoy the holidays etc.

I’m struggling to walk very far thanks to my SPD and our two are a bit of a handful at the moment. My head is absolutely pounding today and my fingers/ankles have swelled up so I’m fully expecting to be sent to hospital today when I go and see the midwife.

My mum has also recently had a knee replacement so she can’t help with the kids either.

I got really upset about it all last night and OH just got mad and said he will never turn down an opportunity to have his DD which is fair enough but I feel as though these are exceptional circumstances. He can’t take any time off to help out or to even have them while I go to appointments. I’m really feeling quite disheartened, I was told to rest up as getting stressed will affect my BP in a negative way but I’ve just been left.

I hope they do let you home op so you can go to your mums and maybe have a bit more rest.tell your dh he hasn’t been making the most of the opportunity to have his dd that he will apparently always take, and you’re generously helping him grasp it with both hands.

Both children should go to holiday clubs at least for half the day. Costly but bettercto pay up than put your health at risk.

You need to completely catastrophorise your symptoms to DH, complete worse scenario and let him know how difficult it has been at the hospital, feeling so ill, with two children to look after. Tell him they are both now his responsibility, and as he hasn't acted responsibly towards you and your unborn DC then you're going to your DM's.

Good luck with it all, I hope you feel better soon and that your DH realises what an arse he's been.

OP

Mum isn’t working, Dad can’t take time off and you’re sat in the hospital Fucking outrageous behaviour. If you were my Ex’s DP I’d be down there like a shot taking my DD and offering to take yours too, Jesus fucking Christ.

I was admitted with pre-eclampsia with DC2 and DH had no choice but to take time off. That’s what is likely to happen here.

Jesus @OllyBJolly & others - not once did the op or any of the rest of us who see her actual point say the dsd is at fault!!! Ffs READ the actually posts!! Everyone has said that dsd's PARENTS (which op ISN'T) are at fault - both of whom are being beyond selfish. Sm's are NOT free childcare!
Op - ignore the trolls & as another poster said tell your health professionals that you'll get no rest at home & hopefully they'll keep you in as that's what you need at the minute.
I'm beyond furious on your behalf & just know that there are people out there giving you lots of virtual support.

Can you not call DSDs mum and tell her to come and get DSD from the hospital? If her child was ill, she would come, so if the person looking after her child is ill, she should do the same.

You aren't a paid childminder, but if your childminder was in hospital as you are and called you, you'd leave work to get your child.

And being older is not a guarantee of better behaviour in a child.

OP...text your H...update him on the situation and I'd be saying you might need to be admitted, so he should contact DSD mum and arrange for her to be picked up.

Does DSD not have any grandparents who can have her?

Thank you all for your support. How amazing are our midwives? They found some stickers and a packet of coloured pencils each for my girls to play with.

Finally managed to get hold of OH. He’s on his way apparently. They’ve started me on some new meds which seem to be doing the trick thus far.

I’m just waiting to get strapped to he monitors again as I didn’t think baby was moving as much over the past couple of hours. They’ve found her HB though on the Doppler which sounds ok.

I’m expecting to stay in. I think OH thought I was calling his bluff when I said that I’d be in hospital by the end of the day.

I'd make sure your midwife knows you have absolutely no support and your husband is putting pressure on you right now. They best thing they could do is keep you in!

Bloody hell, if I was your DSD's mum I'd be offering to take both girls, never mind just my own.

Ah, OP. I hope your OH had collected the dc by now.

Hope you are out by tomorrow and that the adults around you realise they need to re-think arrangements now. Your condition is very unpredictable so it’s time for Plan B.

I hope the midwives help your OH to see sense.

There’s no protein in my wee, bloods have come back normal which is a good thing.

The midwife looking after me asked if I’d be able to rest at home, she then cast a sideways glance towards my two bickering in the corner and said ‘I’ll take that as a no.’

OH has been and picked DC’s up, my friend has very kindly taken Friday and Saturday off work to help with DD’s. DSD is going to her mum’s house on Sunday - so a day earlier than originally planned.

I’m staying in for tonight, I’ll likely be home tomorrow but it’ll be a night of peace and not running around like a blue arsed fly getting DC’s to bed, sorting washing, dishes etc.

My mum has got wind of what’s going off (through my brother) and she’s rung OH up and gone through him like a dose of salts 😫

Glad bloods etc are ok, that's good news!

I think your OH might have needed to hear what your mum had to say to be honest, I don't get the impression he really "gets" it. This isn't feeling a bit tired. PE is really bloody dangerous and you need to be able to look after yourself.

I hope they get you stabilised and that this is a bit of a wake up call for OH and he starts being a bit more supportive.

I'm glad they've kept you in overnight. You need the rest and what a good friend you have taking time off to help out.

@Namechangeextrodinaire93 - so glad to hear bloods are ok. Hope you manage a good rest tonight & well done to your mum & friend.
Hope your oh takes on board what your mum said.

Glad to hear you're getting some rest OP. How are you doing today?

Can I ask why is your friend taking time off work to look after the dc and not your DH??

I'm sorry you are being treated this way he has no regard to how you feel as if he did he would just see you as a mum
N wife n to just deal with it. Even if I'm off work n my oh is in work but he has his children I will not babysit never have never will like I wouldn't expect him to
Mine. Sounds bad but they have parents who are fully capable of arranging childcare or takin time off like I do. Just because you married him or are with him
Does make you their mum or your responsibility at any time. Be firm
Now n say next time u have her for holidays he is to take time off or she stays with her MOTHER. It will b even worse with a baby also all day also. Good luck x

Thank you all. I don’t want to ‘out’ myself but OH can’t really take time off work - especially at this time of year.

I got back home yesterday, couldn’t stay at my mums in the end as she’s in a bungalow and having it all damp coursed etc and it wouldn’t have been ideal to have myself and DD sleeping in her spare room.

Just to further compound my misery I’ve now acquired an absolute bastard of a chest infection so am now on antibiotics too. DSD woke up 3 times in the night, OH slept right through it. I was in so much pain with my SPD after dragging myself out of bed for the third time I nearly threw up. Tried waking him each time but he was pretty much unresponsive.

I wish they’d kept me in hospital. I feel worse than when I was originally admitted.

Oh I’m just so furious on your behalf OP. This isn’t fair at all. Why do you need to get up in the night for DSD? Is she ill too?
Has your OH displayed any sort of glimmers of understanding for what a burden he has placed on you, and human empathy for how your physical health is suffering? I just can’t get my head around a grown “man” treating his family with such disregard.

DSD woke up twice because she thought she’d seen a spider and the third time was because she needed to blow her nose 🙄

He’s apparently done me a massive favour today because he took DSD for a whole hour before dropping her with me for the rest of today. All he really did was cause me more problems because DD was upset as to why her dad only takes DSD anywhere on the rare occasion he does offer to ‘help’ (with his own children)

Well, you have a bloody huge dh problem here. I can’t see what he adds. Your mum tearing strips off him has obviously done fuck all. Is he even going to help when the baby arrives?

@tieisnotaline I know, and I’ve allowed it because I’ve always been able to help but I’m at the point where i physically can’t now yet it’s still expected.

It’s a real kick in the guts after EVERYTHING I do whilst thinking of others, in my moment of need, I aren’t given the same consideration.

Well, you don’t have much time before there’s a baby too. If no one else in your marriage/ relationship cares about you then you have to. It’s time to stop doing anything to help him and that includes dsd. He can take her to work?
So he’s always been a shit dad. His one bit of parenting is to the dsd, which is about 1% of the parenting you do for Dsd. He doesn’t do anything for the child he has with you and I guess he isn’t planning to do anything for the second one you are about to have? Your older child is old enough to notice this and feel upset that her dad doesn’t care. The only clear way I can see to fix this is to make him an ex and he can see your children on contact time. He might even look after them for half an hour with that arrangement. You should tell him that.

That’s ridiculous for a 9 year old. I would seriously consider dropping her straight back to her mother - no discussion. Is that possible? These fucking arseholes need to made to deal with their own child!!!

I'm sorry but she's bloody 9. You tell her to shut up and go to sleep and she better not wake you up again!

But don’t you all think that the reason she’s acting up is because of the lack of interaction she has with her parents? Or the feeling of being passed from pillar to post?

Don’t get me wrong, at 2:30am I wanted to tell her to get a grip and go back to sleep but I can only think it’s a bit of a cry for help so to speak.

They’ve had it too good for too long with me (I understand I’ve made a rod for my own back)