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Original poster

Family court and reduction in contact for private nursery

298 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 13:07

My other half is in family court tomorrow. He's self representing. It's a contested final hearing.

He recieved his ex's position statement which states she will agree no increase to current contact (which we expected). But that she wants to discuss a reduction in contact to facilitate the child going to private nursery 5 days a week as she wishes to go back to work. She is offering the bog standard every other weekend with one evening for dinner but must stay locally. The child is currently 22 months old.

He currently has 3 days wed/thur/Fri with an overnight in week 1 and Fri Sat sun in week 2 with an overnight. He wants to increase contact to add the additional overnights in.

He has no issue with her going to nursery. But since he already has this contact and he can care for the child instead of her going to nursery, how could this go down in a final hearing?

He has to prepare himself as self rep - and needs to work out how to address it without coming across badly. Any tips or experience with this?

OP posts:
InstagramPork · 04/12/2018 15:34

I don’t have any experience but my friend is a family law solicitor and she said it is always preferable that a child is with an available parent than with a paid childcare provider, provided the parent offering to look after the child is offering the same frequency and amount of time... so for example they would need to commit to having the child for the same days and times each week.

Winterishere2018 · 04/12/2018 18:27

It’s a lot of contact for such a small child is it really in the best interest of the child that level of time away from mum? My DS2 is mega clingy at 2.5 would struggle with being away from me that amount of time.

HirplesWithHaggis · 04/12/2018 18:30

Mum is going back to work, so the child will be away from her whether that's in nursery or with her dad. I guess dc probably knows dad better... (sorry, OP, not helpful to you.)

Mumshappy · 04/12/2018 18:32

Judges tend to maintain status quo if contact already established. Does he have her all day weds thurs and fri currently?

SunnyintheSun · 04/12/2018 18:44

Can he offer Weds/Thurs/Fri every week? Nursery won’t generally keep a place open for use once a fortnight which means the Mum will be paying for 5 days per week to hold it open, even if the child is with her dad 3 days a fortnight.

I’d suggest he either offers consistent days each week or offers to pay for the nursery place on his Weds/Thurs/Fri to keep it open. Probably need to check that nursery would agree to that too.

VictoryOrValhalla · 04/12/2018 18:49

If he could offer the same days every week he stands a better chance of retaining what he has as the nursery will not allow the mother to book different days each week. She’ll have to pay for them all whether she uses them or not. If he could guarantee that he would have the baby every Thursday and Friday for example it would be much better.

TooSassy · 04/12/2018 18:56

How far away is the ex and the child? It sounds as though your DP is not local, hence the request to 'stay local'.

Also - does your DP currently care for the child on the weds/ thurs/ fri, or is this evening contact only? I would say that it is a huge positive that she is looking to go back to work and a court would look upon that favourably. But it is also a positive if your DP is able to care for the DC instead of the nursery. But I'm not clear if that is the case.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 19:01

He already has every Friday, but can not offer every weds/Thurs as he is studying and has fitted that around his daughter. If he had her every weds/Thurs, she'd still have to go to nursery but on dad's time instead. Which seems silly....

Mum gets UC, and will get the full 85% towards costs. Plus the free 15 hours in April (which it seems is when she wants to return to work). FT nursery would be £175 a week, of which mum's actual costs would be £26 a week. That isn't taking in to account that it would only need to be 4 days as dad already has her every Friday. And that she would get the 15 hours (1.5 days) funded. So off the top of my head, that's 2.5 days required, so approx £15 a week out of mums pocket.

The only consistent days he can offer are Fri Sat sun. Which wouldn't be fair. The days he has are the days she stipulated, so he bent his entire life around what she wanted (well, she didn't want him to see her at all but that's another story).

The level of contact is because social services (who were involved) advised it was best for the child.

Mumshappy current contact is 10am weds-6pm Thurs, 10am-6pm Fri. Dad wants the additional overnights. He can also pick up much earlier (mum refused anything earlier). Then Fri 10am-6pm. 10am sat - 6pm sun.

OP posts:
Winterishere2018 · 04/12/2018 19:03

What does he plan to do when she starts school?

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 19:03

It's 16 miles away. Takes approx 38 mins with no traffic. Up to an hour at rush hour.

OP posts:
VictoryOrValhalla · 04/12/2018 19:03

she'd still have to go to nursery but on dad's time instead. Which seems silly.

Why is that silly? Confused it’s part of normal parenting that you get on with your life when your children are with you, go to work, study, whatever, which involves using childcare.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 19:05

It's silly because the current arrnagement means the child doesn't need to go in childcare. Where as if he had all week days as contact, she may as well be with her mum for nursery drop offs as dad will be dragging her on an hours journey each way.

The current status quo means that is not necessary.

OP posts:
Winterishere2018 · 04/12/2018 19:06

I don’t think what you’re dp is expecting is realistic in the long term especially when she starts school and you live 16 miles,how will her get from school and collect her, cover school holidays and so forth. I find it very odd that a social worker would have suggested that level of contact for such a small child.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 19:08

To clarify my above comment "the current arrnagement means the child doesn't need to go in childcare" I mean on dad's time. Mum is free to do what she wants on her time. She has every single Monday and Tuesday to put her in nursery. And has every other weekend off with her. She will need to decide what to do about the alternate weds/thurs.

OP posts:
Winterishere2018 · 04/12/2018 19:09

You didn’t answer my question in regards to when she starts school?

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 19:10

He's a primary school trainee (part time). He will be working in her location when he finishes in 2020.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 19:10

Teacher^^

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 19:10

I didn't see it.

OP posts:
Winterishere2018 · 04/12/2018 19:11

Being a teacher or trainiee doesn’t mean he will finish on time to colllect though op

Winterishere2018 · 04/12/2018 19:12

Not to meantion getting himself to his school and dropping her off for her allocated time at a different school.

TulipsInbloom1 · 04/12/2018 19:12

he can care for the child instead of her going to nursery
And
He already has every Friday, but can not offer every weds/Thurs as he is studying and has fitted that around his daughter

These two statements seem to contradict one another.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 19:12

He will use before and after school clubs the same as her mum would.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 19:13

He studies every other weds thurs, hence me saying he's fitted his life around his contact.

OP posts:
TulipsInbloom1 · 04/12/2018 19:13

Nurseries dont offer contracts for every other week. They simply cannot accomodate this arrangement.

TulipsInbloom1 · 04/12/2018 19:14

Maybe he should study every wednesday, and then he is free every thurs and fri.