Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Family court and reduction in contact for private nursery

298 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 13:07

My other half is in family court tomorrow. He's self representing. It's a contested final hearing.

He recieved his ex's position statement which states she will agree no increase to current contact (which we expected). But that she wants to discuss a reduction in contact to facilitate the child going to private nursery 5 days a week as she wishes to go back to work. She is offering the bog standard every other weekend with one evening for dinner but must stay locally. The child is currently 22 months old.

He currently has 3 days wed/thur/Fri with an overnight in week 1 and Fri Sat sun in week 2 with an overnight. He wants to increase contact to add the additional overnights in.

He has no issue with her going to nursery. But since he already has this contact and he can care for the child instead of her going to nursery, how could this go down in a final hearing?

He has to prepare himself as self rep - and needs to work out how to address it without coming across badly. Any tips or experience with this?

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 20:03

See attached for full details of 30 hours funding. However can we get back to the original issue now we've covered the benefits aspect.

Family court and reduction in contact for private nursery
OP posts:
VictoryOrValhalla · 04/12/2018 20:04

I really wouldn't try and question my knowledge on benefits.

Oh, would you not? Hmm

MissMalice · 04/12/2018 20:05

What’s your problem, Victory?
Have you actually got anything constructive to offer to the OPs question?

VictoryOrValhalla · 04/12/2018 20:07

Yes miss, already done that.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 04/12/2018 20:07

The total cost of that to mum would be £15 every other week that goes unusued because of funding and universal credit childcare costs paid

So £30 a month or £360 a year she could spend on something else? You might be able to afford to lose that amount of cash but many people can’t. Totally unreasonable. He needs to meet this cost.

VictoryOrValhalla · 04/12/2018 20:07

Further upthread, have a read.

VictoryOrValhalla · 04/12/2018 20:09

As for my problem, it’s that OP asked for advice and then responds with an answer for everything and “don’t question me on it”.

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 20:10

You won't get anywhere with it. I'm required to be fully up to date for my employment. I know how they work and the criteria inside out. You're wasting your time.

OP posts:
MissMalice · 04/12/2018 20:10

Advice on how her OH approaches the matter in court, not on the minute details of benefit entitlements Hmm

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 20:11

He pays maintenance to cover costs. He pays it even though he has no liability as a student.

OP posts:
Oswin · 04/12/2018 20:12

If she is claiming for nursery costs that she doesn't need, even if it's keeping the space open, will she be allowed to do that?
I think the fair thing, on my understanding. Is thrurday afternoon to sat night.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 04/12/2018 20:13

It's 16 miles away. Takes approx 38 mins with no traffic. Up to an hour at rush hour

He's a primary school trainee (part time). He will be working in her location when he finishes in 2020

Hmmm.....so, he knows what it is to teach? The early starts, late finishes? Just how early is this poor child going to have to get up? And what if he doesn’t get a job in her area? What will happen then?

VictoryOrValhalla · 04/12/2018 20:14

You won't get anywhere with it. I'm required to be fully up to date for my employment. I know how they work and the criteria inside out. You're wasting your time.

😂 I wasn’t seriously asking!

He pays maintenance to cover costs.

Well childcare is a cost if he needs to study during his contact time.

He pays it even though he has no liability as a student.

You mean no legal liability. He created a child, he has a liability for supporting it. Morally at very least.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 04/12/2018 20:17

So £30 a month or £360 a year she could spend on something else? You might be able to afford to lose that amount of cash but many people can’t. Totally unreasonable. He needs to meet this cost.

Surely the mother would be paying this amount anyway if she gets what she wants. She wants to put the child in full time nursery and pay this amount. By having the dad look after the child some of the time she should be at nursery, the mother loses nothing. The child gains time with her father.

I don’t see why she can’t just enrol the child in nursery as she wishes and dad can take the child out every other week. I also don’t understand some of the hostile responses on this thread- the dad is trying to spend a decent amount of time with his child (with no ostensible disadvantage to the mother) and yet is being criticized for not being able to change his study timetable. Projection perhaps?!

The court will look at what is in the best interests of the child. From what you have said, there is no real practical objection to the arrangement dad proposes.

TrippingTheVelvet · 04/12/2018 20:23

Why are you being such a dick to the OP, Victory?

RandomMess · 04/12/2018 20:29

Some posters are being obstructive and unhelpful because they truly believe Mum is always the best parent and always in the right and always the hard done to ex...

Confused

Heaven forbid a Dad wants to be involved!

Oh and a Mum never has selfish motives either...

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 20:34

Ohreally, my mum is his current head at the school he is training at. He's under no illusion of the hours of work, and neither am I. Primary school teaching has been my entire life as both parents and then subsequently my step dad, taught.

He isn't intending to do FT either while his child is still young. From our many conversations, he's clear on his priority - which is his child. He will do whatever he needs to with working to be able to see and provide for his child.

As for what time she will have to get up. She's up at 6 now. As they would need to leave at 7, she could have a lie in (if she ever bloody chose to 😂)

OP posts:
GreenEggsHamandChips · 04/12/2018 20:50

50/50 is diabolically difficult if you are in need of benefits. I wonder if she will be able to claim anything if you get what your asking for. You could well be leaving her and the child in poverty

ohreallyohreallyoh · 04/12/2018 20:52

Nice bit of nepotism there. Wow.

Surely the mother would be paying this amount anyway if she gets what she wants

Oh. Right. She should just fork out regardless. Childcare sod all to do with the parent who wants to spend time with his child. How often do you pay for something you neither want nor use?

Original poster
ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/12/2018 20:59

How often? Frequently.

I pay for many things I neither use or want, but am required to pay....

Childcare is the responsibility of the parent who needs it. He wouldn't expect her to pay if he needed it.

As for the benefits, a) he doesn't have 50/50 and b) one parent can still claim them even if they did have 50/50.

OP posts:
dinosaurglitterrepublic · 04/12/2018 20:59

Oh. Right. She should just fork out regardless. Childcare sod all to do with the parent who wants to spend time with his child. How often do you pay for something you neither want nor use?

I don’t understand this comment. She wants a full time nursery placement and is willing to pay for it. The dad wants to take the child out every other week. He isn’t causing her to incur additional cost. Your logic doesn’t hold.

Mumshappy · 04/12/2018 21:26

Whoever gets the child benefit gets the rest of the benefits. Im guessing you already know this OP

TooSassy · 04/12/2018 21:35

So in summary, you’re going back to court because the initial order was too vague (I don’t know why courts do this), in the hope that your DP and his ex could come to an arrangement amicably. That evidently has not happened so he’ going in to try and get something more clear, with overnights.

My advice would be first and foremost that every point he puts across is about what is in the best interests of the child.
This would be easier if he lived closer and the same nursery could be used regardless of whose contact it is.
I’m sorry if I’ve missed it but what is he proposing happens to his child on weds/ thurs when he is studying? Is he proposing another nursery for the child? (hugely disruptive for a young child and I don’t see a court signing that off). Or is he proposing that the child is driven to the nursery from his? So an hours drive (in rush hour each way)? Sorry if you’ve posted this, but I haven’t read the full thread.

Mumshappy · 04/12/2018 21:38

Im confused to about 1. When does he have the child ie what times to and from weds to fri as hes at uni

  1. What is he asking for?
TooSassy · 04/12/2018 21:40

I’m caught up. You say he studies weds/ thurs? So that means he can’t care for the child on those days I presume. Sorry for the confusion, the thread is a bit over the place.