Christmas Sharing

[Morganj28]

For the step parents what is everyone’s routine for seeing kids over Christmas?

I have an idea of what I think it should be like in my head and it’s what I did as a child. But I want to see what other people’s opinions are to see if it’s a sane request or unreasonable.

So, I’m a step mum and it’s my OH daughter.

@Oswin beyond me why people would comment in forums that they can't personally relate to. But that's just me.

@TooSassy - WELL SAID!
And yes I totally agree that family judges, solicitors & barristers should get on these boards.
No one wins here as you say & as divorced parents our role to to steer the kids through it as best we can.
My exh is fine but feckless & yet I have constantly encouraged my kids to see him even when they didn't want to as I knew they'd appreciate it when older, and they do.
I'm on the verge of splitting with my dp as his ex is a nightmare but he's mishandling it all; is also now digging in his heels and they're at war with the kids stuck in the middle.
I have so many thoughts and opinions on this but am honestly too upset at my own situation to comment coherently but the whole thing makes me sick & while I'm a very liberal person my own experiences are making me query if Ireland (where I live) wasn't right in banning divorce for so long!
Extreme I know, but I personally know no one who seems happier post divorce & in a new relationship & ultimately it's the kids who pay the biggest price.

I’m sorry @magda. It sounds tragic. I’m so sorry you and your DP are so near breaking down. Not surprising given the outside stressors. War is horrible for the kids. Conflict is bad for the kids, within or out of marriage.

I wish I’d met a more decent man in the first place, married, had a load of kids and never ever been a step mother. I’m certainly trying to bring up my sons to be good husbands so that they are less likely to divorce.

magda there is nothing worse than two parents at war with one another. With the DC stuck in the middle. Personally I would never have put my Dc through what my DP / his Ew was/ is prepared to put their DC through. His DC as a result of repeated interviews from professionals are guarded, closed off, Have emotional issues that have manifested themselves physically through concerning behaviours and yet both parents continue. I look at these DC and think if you both don’t stop, these are the kids that grow up with severe emotional/ psychological/ self sabotaging behaviours like self harming.

But when you have both parents who think they are right and are hellbent / focussed on getting ‘what they want’, what else do you expect? I HATE Xmas without my DC, it’s miserable. And since th beginning of Dec I’ve been getting ready for Xmas and my heart has not been in it one iota. But my DC are happy and that’s all that matters.

Christmas for me this consists of children being at their dads for Christmas week and me for new year week. We alternate.
My dp is waiting on a call from his ex when his dd wakes so that he can watch dd open her presents. Hell have her later on for an hour or two, not sure when though, expect he'll be waiting on the call for that too.
He has her boxing day and other than that, he hasn't a clue yet. Will be when his ex calls him I expect.
Can't plan a thing.
I worry for next year as it will then be my kids who are either told to wait until he's back to open their presents or open their presents whilst he's out.