How to tell step-children they can no longer come away with us?

[exwifehell]

Long and short of it is after agreeing we can take them on a family holiday paid for by my parents, exW has since taken it back. There is no time for a court order before final balance has to be paid and I can't expect my parents to take that risk as they have already lost money due to a cancelled wedding thanks to the exW.

They obviously know about said holiday, includes two of their friends (niece and nephew of mine) and our new baby.

This has been done to spite my ex intentionally as he was pushing to finish the clean break order (been left for years and didn't realise once we marry she had a chance to claim on my stuff) .

And no I am not the OW. I met him three years after they separated. We have been together four years. Children very happy here and love their new sibling.

Us not going on the holiday isn't an option either as parents paid for it to celebrate birth of little one and to have family time with us all. And my niece and nephew will already be disappointed enough they aren't coming let alone us as well. We are all very close.

How on earth do we navigate this? The last thing I want to do is hurt them. DF has already stated to exW that it will look terrible to them and that it will leave them feeling not part of the family. No reply.

She has form of pushing my DF out the picture. He has had to go to court already and she ignores the orders.

I believe she has intentionally done this out of spite and to make sure the kids don't feel part of our family (which they are!) . As she got especially nasty since finding out I was pregnant. (Sayi g she shouldnt be born, that DF should leave me) . Encourages the kids to call new guy day etc.

What on earth do we do? I feel so awful for them. I can't believe a mother could spite her own children so much just to get a point score on my DF :(

I know it costs money, but if I were your OH I'd at least speak to his solicitor to see if there's any way around it.

If not, then tell them the trust why it can't happen.

She plays a dangerous game op. As much as you don't want to, truth to the dc and take her down in court is the only way imo.
Tell your dh no more Mr Nice Guy..

I have advised DF to speak to the solicitor tomorrow when he has a phone appointment anyway for the clean break.

Nothing will ever change unless he continues fighting. She needs to see repercussions for her actions.

I would suggest an amendment to the CAO that gives freedom to both parties to book holidays rather than relying on agreement.

That's what I have said. Or even set weeks of school holidays go to either parent. The order as it stands makes exW think it's a "what I say goes and I say no" order.

She is a despicable woman and a terrible mother. You, on the other hand, sound lovely. Dig deep into those reserves and help your DP fight for these children, and for your child's right to know and love their siblings.

All you can do is be honest with them. In time they'll see her for the cow she is.

And it sounds as though the court order needs to be a lot more robust so that it is not open to deliberate misinterpretation.

And do keep a record (with dates) of all her bad behaviour and every time she ignores the court orders.

Emergency hearing -I'vedone it. About £215 apply to enforce and vary the order. Then apply for custody -if she is doing this to hurt you make sure you have all emails and keep it civil.

I propose holidays -he has 7 days to respond. If he wants to change the dates he has to provide detailed reasons. No response = no contact.

Thank you ellie - she is a good mother in general. Just has no idea how to coparent over spite and in turn damages the children just to get at my DF.

I agree the court order needs to be better written. Also needs to include some clause regarding ignored email deadline responses. As all she does is ignore every single one. I think the idea of if no response it is confirmed as a yes is the best option. I will make sure to suggest it to DF

Explain that you just can't sort it with their mum, and how disappointed you know everyone is...
That you will all plan a family holiday for this summer.
Leave it at that, as children sometimes find being in the middle hard to deal with.

I agree with those saying emergency hearing. £215 for the application and your DP represents himself. I don't get why he's let things carry on like this without enforcing the order before. Get the application in today.

As far as the wedding goes, it was foolish to book a wedding before one party was even divorced. My divorce has dragged on for over 5 years as my stbexh is delaying at every turn.

Hope it all gets sorted but I'd be questioning why your DP is still dancing to his wife's tune.

Eh? Can't you apply for an emergency hearing and self rep? Shouldn't cost more than £250 and have it sorted out before you go away.
If she has agreed for you to book it and then said no then you're perfectly entitled to do that

Some people like her shouldn’t be allowed dc! Who treats a child this way they aren’t a worthless pawn in her game ffs.

The only way your ever deal with her is if your df takes her back to court EVERYTIME she breaks the court order, yes it’s expensive but it’s the only way to deal with the spiteful bitch!

If it gets to the time and you really can’t take the children I’d tell them the truth “We very much want to take you but your mother won’t allow it” that’s all I’d say, it’s true so I see nothing wrong with saying it.

They are already divorced. Have been years. This was purely over a sum of money she wants repaid when she had to cover living Costs for a few months when he lost his job despite him paying for them otherwise.

I am ignorant in divorce and my DF is a bit dense at times. He thought that was all she could lay claim to. We had no idea that once we'd wed she could then come after my assets.

Granted it was stupid to start anything before that was over. But neither of us were aware of the implications. ExW on the other hand has admitted she was aware. Her own father has said she has no claim on the money she wants. So has a solicitor. She is purely dragging it out to be difficult and spiteful.

He isn't dancing to his ex wife tune. He is warn out through years of battles and court orders just to have them ignored. He is depressed and drained with it all. And stupidly thought that once she said yes and the kids knew she wouldn't take it back for fear of hurting them.

i Agree, get the emergency hearing and self rep, ask the court to allow you access to take the kids on the holiday that has been agreed - do you have that in text/writing from the Ex?

When your DP is talking to the solicitor, make sure he also says about the phone tracker business.

I am going to try and scrape the money together for an emergency court order. Although I'm not sure how or where I will find the funds.

Agreed he needs to be on her more with court. I have been telling him that for a long while. He's just so down he has reached the stage of giving up. Not out of lack of love but lack of will to fight anymore. I have told him that attitude is selfish in the step kids and our kids part though as its them that missiles out on relationships as well as him

We have it in writing and the previous texts stating she wanted extra money a month to consider it initially. I'm assuming that won't look good on her either.

I will try and sort out to get an emergency hearing for DF and he will be speaking to a solicitor tomorrow anyway. I've told him at this stage he needs one for the access side of things in court as well now as too much has gone on

If she is consistently breaking the court order re access and denigrating their father to them, I think your DH should go for custody with him being the residential parent and the mum having access.

It would reverse the situation and she wouldn't necessarily lose any time if you are already 50/50 but it would prevent her bad mouthing her ex/kids father and also stop her from preventing them going on holidays etc.

^^ honestly, these behaviours are abusive from the mum towards the children.

Ugh exWs. Women who behave like that should be ashamed of themselves. I do understand what it's like to be on the receiving end of their extremely warped view of whats acceptable, and Ive seen the anguish they are happy to cause their DCs in attempts to get at their exHs.

All of you who behave like this: take a good hard look at yourselves. Get a life. Stop your nasty, interfering, petty, vindictive, selfish actions. Stop putting your DCs in the firing line

Rant over. Good luck OP. I'd love to say that they get bored and move on to victimise someone else but sadly they don't. This is something you will have to live with until DCs leave home, unfortunately, so you are going to have to find a way to cope with it. Sorry OP, hope the emergency court get a result for you (in my experience, they take a dim view of "nuisance causing exWs" as they are wasting court time.) Note that, if you're reading, exW.

Even if you get an emergency court order that goes your way is it likely she'll just be out somewhere with the kids when your DF goes to pick them up for the holiday I guess if this happens it'll give him strong ammo against her for future court orders but would your parents think this a literal price worth paying?

As much as we would both love to have them here more, it would mean them changing schools plus they love their mum/home. I wouldn't want to take them away like that. We just want things to be fairer and allow extra time I. School holidays