How to tell step-children they can no longer come away with us?

[exwifehell]

Long and short of it is after agreeing we can take them on a family holiday paid for by my parents, exW has since taken it back. There is no time for a court order before final balance has to be paid and I can't expect my parents to take that risk as they have already lost money due to a cancelled wedding thanks to the exW.

They obviously know about said holiday, includes two of their friends (niece and nephew of mine) and our new baby.

This has been done to spite my ex intentionally as he was pushing to finish the clean break order (been left for years and didn't realise once we marry she had a chance to claim on my stuff) .

And no I am not the OW. I met him three years after they separated. We have been together four years. Children very happy here and love their new sibling.

Us not going on the holiday isn't an option either as parents paid for it to celebrate birth of little one and to have family time with us all. And my niece and nephew will already be disappointed enough they aren't coming let alone us as well. We are all very close.

How on earth do we navigate this? The last thing I want to do is hurt them. DF has already stated to exW that it will look terrible to them and that it will leave them feeling not part of the family. No reply.

She has form of pushing my DF out the picture. He has had to go to court already and she ignores the orders.

I believe she has intentionally done this out of spite and to make sure the kids don't feel part of our family (which they are!) . As she got especially nasty since finding out I was pregnant. (Sayi g she shouldnt be born, that DF should leave me) . Encourages the kids to call new guy day etc.

What on earth do we do? I feel so awful for them. I can't believe a mother could spite her own children so much just to get a point score on my DF :(

Also just in case anyone else has thought this - I make no decisions. My DF does. All myself and my family do is support him in them and help him as best we can.

@user1499173618 'We' you mean you.
And it's the Op supporting the father that's it. Who else is involved.
I'm telling you now that the ex's who play theses games will lose out. I've just realised at 30 what terrible games my own dm played and for the first time I've have cut contact.
Missed holidays and days out affect dc, and as much as they won't always see it straight away, the behaviour and control for their ex's usually get passed to the dc's when they become uncontrollable.
When they want there life's 18 25 37 years. And then they realised what that parent did their whole life's and it's a worse pain than a DF not being round much because dc has years to get use to that, this is a shock and a betrayal, because you feel like the one you were meant to trust has lied to you and been selfish and used you.

Your parents took the decision to organise and pay for this holiday. It wasn’t their decision to take.

For the DSC

Oh for christ's sake.

Holiday was being planned. Parents asked DF if he would like them to come as they would happily pay.DF said yes. End.

I'm sorry that happened to you Halloween. I can't imagine not being able 5o trust a parent to do the best by you

The DSC’s mother has to agree as well as their father.

I know you're.only being goady user but clearly the OP's parents offered to pay for the DC to go and their father made the decision that they would go, supported, initially, by their mother.

At 7 a child would be deemed by most to be old enough to spend some time away from one parent. There are children that go on school residentials at that age.

If your husband goes to court over this he needs to be very careful. I have experience of just such a scenario going badly wrong. Your husband can easily look very casual/irresponsible.

The best scenario would be to renegotiate the court order with fixed holiday dates (eg half of all school holidays, alternating first half and second half from one year to the next).

Thank you
As just ignore the ex and user as best you can.
You can't be liked nor loved by everyone.
But you can always do your best and be fair.

Hissy what's grey rock?

Responding to user's ridiculousness is only serving to derail the thread.

I’m not being goady. I’m trying to help the OP reach an understanding of her position as a SM. She and her parents are taking way too many liberties.

The mother did initially agree. It's only been since a solicitors letter regarding the clean break come through she has backtracked out of spite. Children weren't told until the mother specifically agreed in writing.

I do agree that a more detailed court order needs to be in place for the future though. I was just saying to DF specific weeks in holidays need to be allocated to both parents to save any ot this hassle in the future.

OMG user just read your posts. Just wow.

All I can see from this is that there is a 7 year old DS who is not confident about going on an overseas holiday as he isn't used to being away from his mum for so long or being so far away.

This is a totally normal reaction for a child of this age, I'm sure my own DS would have been just the same when he was 7.

Are you really sure OP that the ExW isnt just trying to protect her DS? I know I would in this situation.

If your husband goes to court over this he needs to be very careful. I have experience of just such a scenario going badly wrong. Your husband can easily look very casual/irresponsible.

In the OPs case there is no reason for it not to be ordered.

You are being deliberetly goady and unhelpful.

You planned your wedding, incurring a great deal of expense, without examining the legalities surrounding your finances. You then blame the exW for the fact that financial penalties were incurred - it really wasn’t her responsibility to alert you!

I remember your other posts. Surely it is time to go to court and sort this all out properly. Poor kids being in the middle of all this.

Cholly, I do agree that due to some reservations from the youngest (which are natural) . But that isn't why.

If that was her concern she would ha e replied to the multiple emails regarding having them for extra time in the build up a d to see how he got on. Actually been open to communication between DF and herself regarding it.

All of that has been ignored on her part and she has only said no to the holiday since the solicitors letter.

If she had been communicating genuine concerns and happy to work with DF and the youngest in the Hope's to pass this .y parents would have been happy to take that financial risk.

I understand it must be scary for him. I never liked to be too far from my mum when I was younger even with my dad and he lived with us!

User - you've clearly not read the whole thread as I've explained how that came about many times.

I respect your advice on a more detailed court order as both DF and I agree that needs to happen for the kids sake.

But i wont be replying to you anymore as you've clearly not read everything that is involved here.

I do agree that its terrible the children have been stuck in the middle of all this. DF has also promised to now no longer hold his head in 5he sand regarding it all.

@user1499173618
Stop chatting bubbles.
I highly doubt you are a stepmother from the way you're going on.

OP you haven't done anything wrong. My suggestion would be to tell the children they aren't going because their Mum doesn't think they should (without being angry or anything else- just matter of fact) then let her deal with it.

I am a stepmother and my parents have a wonderful relationship with my stepson (they are more grandparents to him than my DHs parents) and often taken him and my daughter on weekends away/ trips without us.
You or they haven't overstepped at all.

I’ve read the thread very carefully and have only relied to what you have written. TBH you sound completely flaky!

I’ve been a stepmother for 15 years and I have a fantastic relationship with my DSC’s and always have. But I always respected their boundaries and their mother’s - even when she showed very little respect for mine.

exW should be 100% supportive of 7 year old having a strong and loving relationship with his DF such that he is happy to go on holiday with him. Her constant undermining is only cementing the child's nervousness. Yes he''l be away from his DM, but with his DF. Children need strong loving relationships with BOTH parents and exW is not supporting this as she should.