How to tell step-children they can no longer come away with us?

[exwifehell]

Long and short of it is after agreeing we can take them on a family holiday paid for by my parents, exW has since taken it back. There is no time for a court order before final balance has to be paid and I can't expect my parents to take that risk as they have already lost money due to a cancelled wedding thanks to the exW.

They obviously know about said holiday, includes two of their friends (niece and nephew of mine) and our new baby.

This has been done to spite my ex intentionally as he was pushing to finish the clean break order (been left for years and didn't realise once we marry she had a chance to claim on my stuff) .

And no I am not the OW. I met him three years after they separated. We have been together four years. Children very happy here and love their new sibling.

Us not going on the holiday isn't an option either as parents paid for it to celebrate birth of little one and to have family time with us all. And my niece and nephew will already be disappointed enough they aren't coming let alone us as well. We are all very close.

How on earth do we navigate this? The last thing I want to do is hurt them. DF has already stated to exW that it will look terrible to them and that it will leave them feeling not part of the family. No reply.

She has form of pushing my DF out the picture. He has had to go to court already and she ignores the orders.

I believe she has intentionally done this out of spite and to make sure the kids don't feel part of our family (which they are!) . As she got especially nasty since finding out I was pregnant. (Sayi g she shouldnt be born, that DF should leave me) . Encourages the kids to call new guy day etc.

What on earth do we do? I feel so awful for them. I can't believe a mother could spite her own children so much just to get a point score on my DF :(

Couldn't agree more. It is looking more and more likely one day I may have to share my dc with a new family. I hope to God they include her and love her like we do the stepchildren.

Despite a terrible day they have been amazing. Loving, kind and affectionate. The idea of leaving them breaks my heart.

Everyone in real life keeps telling me to not let the ex win but all I can see are the children losing here. Step children. My DC. And my niece and nephew who are incredibly close with them. Right now I can still hear them nattering away on their sleep over.

It's a shame when a) your partner doesn't step up and b) you have a spiteful ex. It is no life for anyone to live and the main ones that end up hurt are the children.

I may not have always gotten everything right. No one is perfect. But christ I love my step kids. I just hope one day my DC feels that kind of love for my DFs future partner.

Life is shit, but when you have children you should want to protect and love them and want everyone close to them to feel the same. They are innocent and only looking for guidance, love and care.

I wish things had been different. I wish the ex hadn't intentionally made life difficult and nasty. I wish my DF had protected us from that. I wish it hadn't reached this point.

I had to hold back tears when eldest SC called myself, her and my dd the three amigos. I have been very lucky to have both of them in my life. I'm not sure how to navigate this without bringing further turmoil into their lives. They deserve so much more than this.

The chance of DF and myself fixing things are very slim. I got annoyed with him today for wasting money on a bike that wasnt needed rather than putting it towards a decent contact order compared to what he has in place. Apparently that makes me the wicked step mum that begrudge his children new things. I just thought your priorities should be sorting contact first when it's so rocky.

He then chose to tell the children I was annoyed at him because he brought the bike. Who on earth puts children in that position? Thankfully they didn't turn against me and even cuddled me more and more and said they loved me. I made it clear to them it was nothing to do with their dad treating them. Thankfully they know this as usually it's me treating them.

At this point I want out but I'm not sure how without hurting the children. Even my niece and nephew would be heartbroken if they couldn't see them. And I know the exW won't facilitate any kind of contact, not that she should have to.

I feel so broken. But if I stay I'll end up being worse. And I can't afford to not be able to cope with life when I have my dd relying on me. And it's seriously reaching that point. I've not been this down or contemplating things like I have been since I was a teenager and got over the worse of my depression. That's a decade and a half ago.

You've got to leave him. He is even trying to pit his kids against you, as soon as you say something he doesn't want to hear! He is showing you as clearly as can be that he is manipulative and basically an immature brat.
If you don't get out now, this is what your dd is going to be saddled with. You sound like a great step mum but you can't stay in this relationship for them. They have their mum. Your 'd'p will never do anything about the contact order without you pushing him. And when you do eventually leave him, he'll do nothing about seeing your dd either, unless you facilitate it or his new gf pushes him into it.
Stand back and do nothing and see just how little he does about this situation.

That was exactly my thinking in regards to how much he would even bother with any of the children without someone behind him.

I've decided to step back completely, do nothing apart from love and spend time with the kids and see what happens.

I'm giving him a couple months to really show me who he is. If it isn't a doting father that fights for his children then I'm out. Not to mention him getting help for his depression.

He wasn't always like this, just gradually got worse since the last court battle. No excuse, and we shall see what some help depression wise does to him.

I can't just walk away without knowing 100% he is just a selfish arse. I can't do that to the children. If it turns out that is the case though I have made it very, very clear that I won't stand for it and I won't be here to watch it happen.

Don't threaten to leave him if he doesn't step up. You want to sit back and see what he does because he wants to, not out of fear that you will leave him if he doesn't. Your step children deserve a dad who will fight for them for their sake and not only because he is scared of the consequences wrt your relationship.
And equally you need to see what kind of man he really is.