Ex partners and step daughters money

[Lovelife12345]

I am feeling hurt and upset and seeking advice. I have two stepdaughters who we see EOW. It's been a bit rocky, their mum unfortunately does not help matters which I think is sad. My partner went to collect them from school Friday and messaged me saying 'xxx is upset and feels you don't like her and xxx because you are quiet around them and seem off with everyone.' I do accept I am often quiet but I am working long weeks and with two kids at home. I am so tired, and have last week finally had blood tests taken to establish if it's my B12 again as I physically struggle to get out of bed durn the day. I also remain quiet because I would tell them off for things like hitting their baby brother, or chewing and talking with their mouths open or general misbehaviour. My partner did not like this because he felt we shouldn't be the ones to constantly discipline when they don't live with us. So I have found being quiet is just easier.

On our way home I tried talking to him and he said it doesn't matter we will just forget it. (Already argued about the ex wife at this point) I don't really know what I can suggest.

We only got to visit them for 2 hours as it was their school disco and the ex wife didn't tell us until we collected from school, whilst we also had her messaging saying he was to pay for the school disco tickets as it's 'the least he can do.' She did the same a few weeks previous when he took the eldest to her club that she hasn't paid the £100 bill that term and he needed to when he dropped her off. He of course refused. I am just a little sick of feeling like she manipulates their visits into getting more money out of dad. The last of our change he ended up using for their school disco tickets so I have had to now beg money from my mum to buy milk until pay day next week for our son (we are in the processing of sorting our tax credits out so living of little wages and just paid the csa.) and he knew this.

Then got onto the subject of Christmas. I am buying for the kids who live with us and my family, and he is buying for the stepdaughters and his family. I have finished mine and he hasn't started. He's asked what I have spent and I have said I don't really feel it matters but a whole row started about how it's just a way of spending more on our resident kids. And because we have spent more on the eldest resident child birthday as we have presents but also taking to a musical instead of having a party. I am just tired of feeling I can't treat my children in fear of him having a go at me, because when the ex wife finds out through idol gossip he never hears the end of it.

Why does it all just have to feel so difficult.

@PlinkPlink inwant to work more hours as it gives us better financial stability and there is no promotions on his work unlike mine. We may break even to what we get now with wages and tax credits (as earning more we will get less) but to then in 2 years max have my own place with a £35000 salary and rent and bills paid we would be laughing. He could afford driving lessons to see his kids easier, we could afffor more fuel and not worry about car miles hence why train occasionally, we can take them on holiday and afford their Insuramve without a worry of money. It would not only benefit us but the girls too! We could move somewhere bigger and they have a room. And £48 is a lot when after all ours bill, csa and visits twice a month to see them leave us with £62 a month for things breaking etc

But if he cuts his hours, are his maintenance payments for the girls going to go down?

You are totally taking the piss describing that cupboard as a room. It’s not.

You do know you can still choose to have them overnight because it would be the decent thing to do for them and their dad to build a good relationship? Without saying you will reduce what little maintenance he pays anyway. That is your choice and I think it speaks volumes that you refuse to do this.

You might break even yet pittance maintenance to pay you know exactly what you’re doing madam. Attached the picture of that cupboard room for posters who haven’t see it

You have no guarantee of any future job and I thought you said accommodation was tied?

I hope that door has a window in it. I remember that picture and seeing it again is as shocking as it was the first time.

The ex is protecting her daughters, not the maintenance money.

Is he still buying xbox games with his pocket money?

X box games on her very account. That she has to pay back if he decides not to bother. And at extortionate interest too.

Ops several user names for those unaware of the backstory

Stepparentchallenges
Crossroads18
Mytwoboys2018
And obviously this recent username.

To get a true picture of what’s going on.

He doesn't have them overnight apart from holidays, but OP will tell you the ex doesn't allow it. Does her DP go to court to fight that? Does he hell. That would take effort and then he might actually get them and have to parent them!

@HiHoToffee there is a window
Opposite to where the door is. We paid for the door and my dad fitted it. You can get bunk beds in there as we had it measured.

She has already said you won't budge is having overnight weekends again only in school holidays.

And yes I know what I am doing, I am taking a job that will give everyone including them
A better life. To have my rent, gas and electric paid (rent is allowed to be Upto £1000 which here would get us a 4/5 bedroom place) and earn £35000 we would be laughing! It will benefit them in the long run as them we can afford to take them
Away with us. Pick them up and take them Peppa Pig or elsewhere wherever we go.

His mum was on our side and understood finances and sympathised but we don't know what she has said to her for his mum
To turn. It's all got to be about the girls and the boys should miss our more than they do. I am constantly saying no to my boys so he has money to see them.

No he buys no Xbox games he has sold it!

If you noticed on the picture the white line is actually where the step daughter is lying whilst a suitcase a toy car is also dumped there.

Where is the window in that “room”.

That’s a literal Harry Potter experience you’re going to give that youngster.

Both of them. You’re actually going to put both of them in the hoover cupboard.

She has already said you won't budge is having overnight weekends again only in school holidays.

And that clearly suits your DP or else he would fight it.

But not afford to pay the maintenance to ensure they are fed watered and adequately cared for financially no? I’ve uploaded the pictures there is no way you get two bunk beds in there it’s bloody depressing inadequate space for them.

The car and suitcase wasn't in there when they stayed. I took the picture before they came and we put the beds. That was my son playing 😂 the window is just slightly further just behind the suitcase. They never actually slept in there though in the end.

That is not a bedroom. No way. There’s not even enough room hardly for them to step out of bed.

You’re a disgrace.

OP, I am really speechless. You expect the girls mother to survive with £56 maintenance for both and not be asking for extra money for disco/clubs? You partner sounds like a nightmare. You are young and do have a lot to deal with, but it was your choice to bring up two kids with worthless man, who cannot support the kids from previous relationship. .

You and your partner are financially responsible for 4 kids, you are step parent and I suggest you pull yourself together and try to work on situation. The girls need to feel loved and wanted and certainly it would help if they have a decent space and bed in your house. Your posts show a lot of bitterness towards his ex which is being reflected on your relationship with sdc. Your partner should man up to his responsibilities and start working on finances, tax credits or not. Out of interest how much were those disco tickets, which set you off so much?

Of course it bloody was! It’s a dumping ground and you think it’s ok for her to sleep them don’t go changing the story not when you admitted on you’re previous threads she slept in there and the other child on a camp bed down stairs. There’s is no window in that cupboard otherwise it wouldn’t be as dark you’re full of shit.

@Snappedandfarted2018 it was dark as we put a curtain on the window aswell as where the door is now. It was a place we put stuff when we first moved in until we sorted the attic.

@BusyEvenForBee they were £6 each so £12. But I had 53p in my account so couldn't lend it him. That week he had to pay maintenance so paid her £176 and had £35 for fuel and £20 for macdonalds. And then £2.66 for himself for the week 😂 so yeah we didn't have the money. She is still getting £176 until the new role starts.

Wow, I thought my step-mother was an evil bitch when I was growing up, but you take the biscuit.

Would love to see a photo of this room transformation, including the imaginary window.

Pure hilaire.

You’re so full of shit you’re eyes are brown.🤥