Ex partners and step daughters money

[Lovelife12345]

I am feeling hurt and upset and seeking advice. I have two stepdaughters who we see EOW. It's been a bit rocky, their mum unfortunately does not help matters which I think is sad. My partner went to collect them from school Friday and messaged me saying 'xxx is upset and feels you don't like her and xxx because you are quiet around them and seem off with everyone.' I do accept I am often quiet but I am working long weeks and with two kids at home. I am so tired, and have last week finally had blood tests taken to establish if it's my B12 again as I physically struggle to get out of bed durn the day. I also remain quiet because I would tell them off for things like hitting their baby brother, or chewing and talking with their mouths open or general misbehaviour. My partner did not like this because he felt we shouldn't be the ones to constantly discipline when they don't live with us. So I have found being quiet is just easier.

On our way home I tried talking to him and he said it doesn't matter we will just forget it. (Already argued about the ex wife at this point) I don't really know what I can suggest.

We only got to visit them for 2 hours as it was their school disco and the ex wife didn't tell us until we collected from school, whilst we also had her messaging saying he was to pay for the school disco tickets as it's 'the least he can do.' She did the same a few weeks previous when he took the eldest to her club that she hasn't paid the £100 bill that term and he needed to when he dropped her off. He of course refused. I am just a little sick of feeling like she manipulates their visits into getting more money out of dad. The last of our change he ended up using for their school disco tickets so I have had to now beg money from my mum to buy milk until pay day next week for our son (we are in the processing of sorting our tax credits out so living of little wages and just paid the csa.) and he knew this.

Then got onto the subject of Christmas. I am buying for the kids who live with us and my family, and he is buying for the stepdaughters and his family. I have finished mine and he hasn't started. He's asked what I have spent and I have said I don't really feel it matters but a whole row started about how it's just a way of spending more on our resident kids. And because we have spent more on the eldest resident child birthday as we have presents but also taking to a musical instead of having a party. I am just tired of feeling I can't treat my children in fear of him having a go at me, because when the ex wife finds out through idol gossip he never hears the end of it.

Why does it all just have to feel so difficult.

His mum works 5-9 so no we can't go to her house for dinner, potnwtionally when she retires next month we could. We visit his mum at 3.45-4.30 usually and then she has to leave to go work. His arguement is paying £30 a fortnight on fuel and £20 a fortnight on MacDonald's gives them a treat. So monthly
Our visits with fuel and food cost us £100. Which is included into my budget for the month. Yes we occasionally have something to eat with them because we get on the road at 11am, don't have lunch and then we drop them off and drive home and her home at 10.30 so yes we need something to eat! We suggested taking the girls home and their mum have tea ready at 8 and she rightfully said she isn't cooking doe them as we should buy them dinner or sort dinner.

My babies room is a box room so we can fit his drawers, cot and he has a little floor space in his room enough for his ball pit and enough space next to it for another one (he only has one just trying to describe size) my toddlers room is a ok size but with his drawer, slide, ball pit and you boxes we couldn't fit a cot in there. We don't have a garden for the slide!! So there isn't the space to put them in together. And our bed wouldn't fit into either of those rooms for them to have ours. Plus ours has a en suite which we wouldn't want the boys having access to and flooding the place😂

Dead funny again.

What the fuck is there to laugh about here that I’m not seeing?

Radical suggestion, why not move the slide and ball pits out of the rooms when they come to stay so they can fit?

Why does your toddler need a castle bed and slide when you aren’t providing adequately for the other children?

He could (radical) ask his mum for a key and go there.

So you want DP to be the main carer for your children? If you split he may well keep the kids while you have to financially support them all.

Just something to think about

What’s the reason you can’t take some sandwiches etc?

We can now add a ball pit and slide to fizzy pop on the “more important than the step kids” list.

If you split he may well keep the kids while you have to financially support them all.

No prizes for guessing what the maintenance would be spent on. 🥤🥤🥤🥤

🏰👑🍔🍟🥤

Look on the school calendar and you'll know about discos. I'm sure there's a lot to this but it's easy to overthink the little things but actually the Mum isn't the one responsible for telling him about school stuff, he can get involved with dc school life without making the Mum be his parenting PA.

The more you post the embrassing it gets op

Their treat is there dad paying 35 petrol to see them and 20 quid for McDonald’s which isn’t completely the full cost for two girls about 10-11 pounds for basically been fed

You really ought to put a trigger warning up for those fizzy drink pics in case OP's boyfriend spots them and falls off the wagon, poor chap.

Is the box room big enough for bunk beds? baby shares with the toddler in the other room, remove ball pits and slide or keep one and put in the landing bit? Or put babies cot in the landing bit temperarily until baby is old enough to share with the toddler? That way they can have a sort of room when they stay?

I asked ages ago why the baby couldn’t go in the cupboard but I didn’t get answered.

I agree with @ftfoawygtfosm if they would be disturbed in the lounge why not put the girls in your room and you and d(?)p have the lounge?

Well I'm in a very small space atm and my baby has to sleep in the living room until we've saved enough to move 🤷‍♀️

I agree, one of the above combinations, it won't be forever op, and they don't stay very often so it makes sense

She said the cupboard could fit bunkbeds, perfect for her and her partner.

And how come dp didn't know about the disco as you said he talks to the girls several times a week.

What are the fizzy drink references all about?

If you look at previous threads the OP’s partner couldn’t afford petrol to visit his kids because he spent all his money on fizzy drinks.

He didn’t see them for months before OP got involved with him.

This is horrifying. You clearly hate your stepdaughters. I feel very sorry for them.

Not even going to talk about your partner. Having 4 kids you can't afford and trying to cheat your way out of responsibilities.

Shameful.

@HeckyPeck ahh I see! I have no idea how to find anything other posts I've have spent my day reading them if I did!!

Bloody hell OP. This man must be mind blowing in the sack because why else would you be stupid enough to stay with him? Your relationship with him and his daughters is toxic. What an incredible amount of damage you are doing and will do to the four children involved. People like the pair of you shouldn’t be allowed to have children you simply cannot afford or will not look after properly.

@ftfoawygtfosm

She can’t give his details. Data protection means he would have to give his own. Are you so thick you don’t know that?

I've never sought my DHs permission to put his name as a contact with the school. He is their father.

There is nowhere in the form it states I can't give it and this has been the case for many years.

I see no reason to call the OP thick in regards to this. I think that's rude...It's uncalled for and says more about you than anything else.

It's easy to be so rude via the internet, but it's uncalled for. The OP is trying. She's not obligated to financially support her SDs. Of course her DH could do a lot more....but the unsupportive comments on here reflect on those posting.