Ex partners and step daughters money

[Lovelife12345]

I am feeling hurt and upset and seeking advice. I have two stepdaughters who we see EOW. It's been a bit rocky, their mum unfortunately does not help matters which I think is sad. My partner went to collect them from school Friday and messaged me saying 'xxx is upset and feels you don't like her and xxx because you are quiet around them and seem off with everyone.' I do accept I am often quiet but I am working long weeks and with two kids at home. I am so tired, and have last week finally had blood tests taken to establish if it's my B12 again as I physically struggle to get out of bed durn the day. I also remain quiet because I would tell them off for things like hitting their baby brother, or chewing and talking with their mouths open or general misbehaviour. My partner did not like this because he felt we shouldn't be the ones to constantly discipline when they don't live with us. So I have found being quiet is just easier.

On our way home I tried talking to him and he said it doesn't matter we will just forget it. (Already argued about the ex wife at this point) I don't really know what I can suggest.

We only got to visit them for 2 hours as it was their school disco and the ex wife didn't tell us until we collected from school, whilst we also had her messaging saying he was to pay for the school disco tickets as it's 'the least he can do.' She did the same a few weeks previous when he took the eldest to her club that she hasn't paid the £100 bill that term and he needed to when he dropped her off. He of course refused. I am just a little sick of feeling like she manipulates their visits into getting more money out of dad. The last of our change he ended up using for their school disco tickets so I have had to now beg money from my mum to buy milk until pay day next week for our son (we are in the processing of sorting our tax credits out so living of little wages and just paid the csa.) and he knew this.

Then got onto the subject of Christmas. I am buying for the kids who live with us and my family, and he is buying for the stepdaughters and his family. I have finished mine and he hasn't started. He's asked what I have spent and I have said I don't really feel it matters but a whole row started about how it's just a way of spending more on our resident kids. And because we have spent more on the eldest resident child birthday as we have presents but also taking to a musical instead of having a party. I am just tired of feeling I can't treat my children in fear of him having a go at me, because when the ex wife finds out through idol gossip he never hears the end of it.

Why does it all just have to feel so difficult.

It's also worth remembering that he chose to move away from his kids (and at the time of meeting the OP hadn't bothered to see them for several months.)

So he chose to opt out of being a part of his kids lives day to day or being available to provide any meaningful practical support. The VERY least he can do therefore is to provide for them financially. And now he is trying to avoid that too. He's a disgrace.

I've just spent hours reading the previous threads.

You have serious issues op and your step daughters and their mother are not it!

As I said, they don't need their own bedroom at the expense of the boys not having their own room. It's their home, too.

DDs have a bedroom at their DM's home. That's their bedroom.

They shouldn't, however, be sleeping in a bloody cupboard? I know we've already discussed this before, but I still don't understand why the DDs can't sleep in the living room, or pop a Z Bed up in the boy's rooms while they're staying over.

Obviously that's bedsides the point and the main issue here is a dad whose priority clearly aren't his DDs. I just hope that he's proactively getting the help that he so clearly needs?

I just don't think that OP is the wicked stepmother that she's being portrayed as.

So you pay £43.00 approx maintenance for two children per week but spend £20.00 on MacDonalds. Nice priorities

@auberbene sorry I am at work. One stepdaughter actively wanted to sleep in the little room as she is 10 and wanted her own space away from everyone. We bought those blow up ready beds as easy storage. We did move the baby into our room the night before they came down for them to have his box room however he did not sleep at all in with us nd we were all shattered the next day and I had a 2 hour drive. So we moved him back into
His room: I suggested them to go in the lounge but partner was more worried as it wouldn't keep in with our bedtime routine for
Them plus we would distribute them durn night getting milk for baby as you have to walk through the lounge. And my 4 year old gets up at 6am which he could have stayed in his room not a problem but it made sense for
The girls not to stay in with him as they love their sleep. It's not malicious. One daughter die sleep downstairs and the other choose to and was happy so we never actually forced them as we did intend to in the end put both into the lounge. He is getting counselling, he has seen a doctor about his fizzy drink addiction and we have stopped him drinking them.

I just don't think that OP is the wicked stepmother that she's being portrayed as

She might not be a wicked step mother, but she is massively deluded if she thinks she’s a good stepmother and her partner is anything other than a shit dad.

@user1457017537 we have no choice to buy them macodnlas. When we visit them every other Friday we can't pick them up from school and not fed them tea until they go home at 8! Considering one goes to a club. His mum works so she can't cook for us. It's the cheapest way of feeding them

he has seen a doctor about his fizzy drinks addiction

Christ. How are you not mortified by him?

@TwistedStitch it's not something he could help it's between the drugs or alcohol. He got so use to the sugar we had to take him off it slowly x

This guy sounds like a mortifyingly embarrassing excuse for a partner.

Imagine if this blissful relationship () doesn't work out between the two of you, him and whoever he picks next will treat you and your kids exactly as you treat his ex. Something to look forward to aye?

How ridiculous, of course you have a choice - you could pack up a nice picnic type tea to take with you or just eat at 8 - plenty of people do it and it doesn't kill anyone. You can't afford to be spending £20 at McDonalds with the financial issues you keep complaining about.

Wow isn't it a bit cruel to take him to McDonald's then? A bit like taking an alcoholic to a pub? All those fizzy drinks everywhere!

What was the doctor’s treatment plan?

Stop being a ridiculous man child?

You had to make him go to the Doctor and make him get back in touch with his kids. If you weren’t around he’d still be guzzling fizzy pop and ignoring his kids.

He’s done a right number on you that you believe his pile of crap.

You’re full of excuses and take no accountablity for you or you’re dp actions. Yes you are a wicked step mother, you a compliance in the poor treatment of those girls and thread after thread nothing changes. Can you imagine what they will think of their childhood and how they were made to feel, that really does wonders to a child self esteem. I’ve never read such disgusting posts as I have from you op my heart breaks for this poor girls.

Snapped, I really hope it’s a long standing troll and the girls don’t actually exist.

I wouldn’t wish their sad excuse for a father on anyone.

God I didn’t realise you actually made one of them sleep in a cupboard. Is your surname Dursley?

Why couldn’t you and partner sleep downstairs and let those poor girls have your bed?

How can you afford all that on McDonalds ? Why can’t your partner make a picnic? Especially over the summer?

Honestly what are you getting from posting here?

HeckyPeck I hope it’s a troll to no amount of the vitriol and rightly so it doesn’t seem to sink in to op that this treatment and behaviour towards those girls is unacceptable and time after time she complains about them.

Average meal is 5-6 pounds at McDonald’s do clearly they got food themselves.

Hold on. You’re taking them to his mum’s?

Doesn’t she have a cooker? And is there no shop within 100 miles?

his mum works so can't cook for us Really? Such entitlement.

Next time take sandwiches or better you 2 cook a meal for the girls and his working mum at her house, I am sure she will appreciate it.

And really what is the ex supposed to think when you haven't got money for a school disco but take them all to McDonalds. Or do you tell her your sister paid for it?

How big is your babies room? Could you not move your toddler in to the babies room instead, that way baby would still be asleep in his own room, and move girls in to toddlers room and do it up?

Fucking hell! I've just read your threads. You really are a piece of work. If ever a couple deserved each other...

When relationships involving kids fail (rather common) the kids deserve to be supported by their absent parent - 50% of the cost of raising really, so the half the cost of the extra sized housing to accommodate them, half their food bill (not the ex's), half their Christmas gifts and so on. I don't know your arrangements but so many of my friends have been screwed over by ex partners who go on and have more kids without considering the true cost of raising the ones they have, £100 a month and every other weekend isn't enough!

And what is the plan for establishing more frequent contact with the DD's, OP?