Situation with ExH

[badgerread]

Always had a good co parenting relationship with ExH. Split 7.5 years ago. Quick online divorce in April 2012. Split equity etc. I’ve had a new DP for 5 years although we don’t live together.

ExH moved 130 miles away to be with his new DP and her 4DC in January 2016 and since then our relationship has completely gone to pot. He has reduced his maintenance to the CSA (ok, fair enough, but this wasn't what was agreed when we split) stopped contributing to school fees, stopped attending parents evenings, plays ets as, ‘she thinks he should make his own appointments’, doesn’t call our children, or show much interest, on his weekends doesn’t take our children to their activities or parties as she insists he takes them back to theirs.

It has got to the stage where we no longer speak and the atmosphere on the doorstep at collection /drop off is awful. When she is not around we are civil to each other and have a conversation. She insists on being at every collection and drop off, albeit in the car, so that he no can longer pop in for a coffee and catch up re the children. He has admitted she is jealous and insecure about me but there is no reason for her to be. It has got really nasty over email and text. I know he needs to stand up to her and grow a pair but I can’t help blaming her. She has caused this shift in our set up. It was fine before she stared throwing her weight around. He has blocked my mobile and will 'no longer answer emails', so how am I meant to make arrangements?!

My DP has 2DC with his ex and they co parent as we did previously and I have absolutely no problem with it, surely it’s about the children and their needs?

It makes me feel so down and upset for the children that it has come to this.

I can't fathom my own situation either. But we can't repair their dwindling relationships with their kids and we can't make them do the decent thing.

Like you I am friendly on the doorstep (way more than that in fact). But he does very very little with them - though to be fair he still pays what was agreed. It's impossible to understand.

Banana, I really don't think you are getting it at all.

Yes it is his home, yes OP has no say in what they do in their home, but this is not about what's happening in his home, it's about what is currently NOT happening in his home, ie. doing the things with his DC that he IS doing with his step-children. You seem to be thinking that it is perfectly acceptable for him to take his SC to their activities but not his own children because it is HIS home and he can do what HE wants there.

So yes he can, but that's not the point. The point is that by doing this, ie. what he wants, he is neglecting his children. OP issue is not about wanting to tell her ex what to do, but wanting him to be a good dad which he clearly isn't and if you can't see that, then you are clearly very blinded.

Are you genuinely believing that in OP's case, her children should be happy to come to his dad's house to witness him taking his SC to their activity whereas they had to give up theirs because they are not able to go during their week-ends with him and that if they are not happy about this situation, it is them who have a problem? Really? I just can't believe that anyone could actually think this.