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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

teen stepdaughter wants a baby!

154 replies

talcyone · 22/03/2007 13:46

Just wanted to share
16 year old sd wants a baby
plans to be pg by september
Wants to know if i prefer gran or nan
bugger!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Mumpbump · 22/03/2007 13:59

You can't control her actions so if she wants to do this, she will. I am sure there will be plenty of other people telling her how stupid she is to be contemplating motherhood at such an early age. If it were my dsd, I wouldn't want to alienate her. If she does do it, she will need a friend and lots of support...

nappyaddict · 22/03/2007 13:59

i always wanted a baby too from about the age of 13 but never actually planned to have one as none of my bfs would have exactly been pleased. as it were i got pregnant accidentally at the age of 17. if she is in a stable relationship and her bf wants the same she can still do things like go to college and uni - but its very hard!!

out of interest charleysunnysun did you go to college or uni? if so was it harder than you thought? if not, why not - did you just not want to?

Original poster

talcyone · 22/03/2007 14:01

I did tell her that if she was able to support herself then go for it
Explained that people will be disappointed.
She cannot support herself.
Too young to be mum
too young to be granny

OP posts:

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 22/03/2007 14:01

but you cant generalise like that!!

i was a teen mum and noone ever minded my baby - ive never even been in a pub fgs!

dont drink , dont smoke - dont ask me whats in the top 40 music chart, i havent a clue, my kids are my life and i love that

so DONT generalise that having a kid at 16 is the end of the world, the end of her life and her family will end up raising the kid whilst shes out on the piss, its a fecking ridiculous genralisation and bloody offensive to people who had their kids young!

nappyaddict · 22/03/2007 14:01

why will they live in a hostel out of choice? why not apply for a nice flat or house from the council? or are they just going to live in the hostel whilst they are on the housing list?

RosieMac · 22/03/2007 14:01

If you told her DH would be cross, would that put her off ? Good old fashioned fear is not to be trifled with at times.
Oh god, can you bring her to see one of these hostels ?(I don't really know what they are).
Is she used to having money and nice trainers etc. ? Does she know how expensive babies are ?
How long has she been going out with the boyf ? Can she picture life as a teenage single mother with no money (to those of you who have done it fair play, but let's face it, it's not ideal).
Rx

Rhubarb · 22/03/2007 14:02

Yes but Charlee, just because it was ok for you does not mean it will be ok for some other poor 16yo does it?

I mean come on, at 16 what do you really know about life? When I look back I thought I knew it all but I knew shit. Having a baby is a major major thing. You can't just decide that is what you want to do when you are but a child yourself!

I would come down very hard on this. Arrange for her to look after a baby as has been suggested. Get her to go to a few NCT classes just as an observer. Take her on a maternity ward. Take her to a mums and tots group and tell her that will be the extent of her social life for a very long time.

flamey · 22/03/2007 14:02

I wanted babies - I knew my ultimate desire in life was to be a mum...

But I wanted so much else too - I knew that if I wanted to be able to be the best mum I could I had to wait until we could feed it, house it etc ourselves.

It was still earlier than I had planned, and in some ways I do regret that, but I was still in a position to do it myself.

Charleesunnysunsun · 22/03/2007 14:03

Nappyaddict - I got good G.C.S.E's but didn't want to go to collage, i have however done several home and short courses which wern't to hard at all as i have a very supportive group of people in my life.
I have an active social life and my kids are lovley happy children.
I think if teens are aving kids for the right reasons and can support them then there is nothing anyone else can do about it.

Mumpbump · 22/03/2007 14:03

There's an idea - get on the internet with her and do a shopping list of stuff that she would need for the baby and add it all up. Include disposables and formula and it will be an enormous bill which might put her off...

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 22/03/2007 14:04

'exceedingly ordinary for a teenager to have a baby when they feel unloved or not special and too fucking lazy to do anything about it'

cusardo your a prick sometimes im sorry but you are

misdee · 22/03/2007 14:05

life on benefits is f*cking shit. when we had one dd, we had £140 a week for 3 of us. we didnt have all out rent paid or council tax as we were in a private rented place. dh couldnt work but wasnt able to get disability at that point, i was looking after him and dd1. was bloody hard.

if she planning on working at all? her boyf, does he work?

Original poster

talcyone · 22/03/2007 14:05

She knows this, and i have strong feelings about social stigma re teen preg......i was preg at 16, unplanned(but i must have had an idea what would happen)had no support,and had abortion,....(please don't shout at me}Messed me up for years, so i do have an understanding, just don't want her to mess HER life up

OP posts:

flamey · 22/03/2007 14:05

"and can support them" is the point here - she can't provide a home for her child.

misdee · 22/03/2007 14:06

at 16, ah i had two jobs and was out every week.

RosieMac · 22/03/2007 14:06

Kitty,
It's quite unusual to never have been in a pub. Would you be happy for your children to have their kids at such a young age ? Rx

flamey · 22/03/2007 14:07

No-one would shout at you for that!!

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 14:07

My Mum would have killed me & made it clear she wouldn't support me, that would have been enough to put me off having a baby at 16!

You should at the very least have your own roof over your head before deciding to have a baby, it's very selfish indeed!

Rhubarb · 22/03/2007 14:07

Custy was a teen mum and her life was far from pleasant, so don't make out that she doesn't know what she's talking about.

She didn't have mummy and daddy to bail her out when the going got tough.

Original poster

talcyone · 22/03/2007 14:08

She IS lazy
She does feel unloved
She is repeating parents cycle
Mother not much of a role model but don't get me started on that.

Took jher in few years ago, she did really well.

Cant live with us now as weve downsized

Boyfriend at school
I know whwere it'll end

OP posts:

misdee · 22/03/2007 14:08

ithought she was rhurby, but wasnt 100% sure.

i had dd1 at 19, that was hard enhough and at that point dh and i were both working full time and owned our own place.

NotanOtter · 22/03/2007 14:09

kitty

RosieMac · 22/03/2007 14:09

Custardo I'm with you all the way. I've never posted more than once on a thread in my life (and have a ton of work here on my desk), but have a genuine feeling of panic at this girl deliberately doing this. Rx

Original poster

talcyone · 22/03/2007 14:11

Gonna phone her and tell her not to do it.

Fed up with sitting on the fence and being her friend

She needs amother

OP posts:

madmarchhare · 22/03/2007 14:11

talcy, do you have young children?

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