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Original poster

teen stepdaughter wants a baby!

154 replies

talcyone · 22/03/2007 13:46

Just wanted to share
16 year old sd wants a baby
plans to be pg by september
Wants to know if i prefer gran or nan
bugger!

OP posts:
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Blandmum · 22/03/2007 16:05

Wow, I can see where this is going to go! She will want the baby for the nice love and cuddles bit, and will ask you to 'baby sit' so she can go out!

At which point you say 'Hard ched, darling' You wanted the baby, you look after the baby'

Rhubarb · 22/03/2007 16:06

If she ends up as a single parent then she won't actually get that much money. She'll be stuck on a council house estate, no-one to relieve her from the baby, her bf won't visit because he'll be off having fun with his mates.

She'll be lonely and skint.

Sure she'll get a house out of it, what money she does get will be spent on rent, bills, food, baby stuff etc.

She'll find it hard to meet a new man with a baby in tow.

Rhubarb · 22/03/2007 16:07

You and your dh need to make it clear that if she chooses to have a baby, you won't be on hand 24hrs a day to look after it.

You've had your babies, you don't want to be an unpaid skivvy to someone else's.

Her bf won't want to know.

WaynettanEasterEgg · 22/03/2007 16:08

I don't envy you this, I really don't.

Perhaps we could start a 'realities of motherhood' thread that you could show her, bemoaning saggy boobs, stretch marks, no nights out, no sleep, no money, always smelling of vomit, crying babies, episiotomies.....etc...etc......

Original poster
talcyone · 22/03/2007 16:09

MMMMMmmmmmm yeah but

no but!

OP posts:
aol · 22/03/2007 16:10

I would be heartbroken if one of my sixteen year old dds ended up pg. Call me old fashioned.

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 22/03/2007 16:14

but what about all the good things that out weigh the bad??

we are all tired, some of us have money problems, some of us have depression, relationship problems but i doubt any of us would change it or wish our babies away

what about the things like first smiles? first steps? hearing your child say 'i love you mummy'

and im not living in a fantasy world as i struggle sometimes, and get looked down on for having 2 babies young, but i love it and wouldnt change it for the world and she may feel the same

motherinferior · 22/03/2007 16:14

Yes, I can't say it's one of my big hopes for DD1 in 10 years' time.

You can have an awful lot of fun, make an awful lot of mistakes, be irresponsible and try things out and fool around and be a twit when you're 20...if you don't have a four year old.

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 22/03/2007 16:14

im not condoning teenage pregnancies, but i just dont think she should be labelled

Blandmum · 22/03/2007 16:16

But kittu, no-one is sugesting that she never has the nice bits. Just that she waits a while so she can have the nice bits and have a slightly easier life at the same time.

It doesm;t have to be pg at 16 or twisted old maid who never has kids.

I can be have kids at 16, or wait and have them at 19 and have more cash and security.

Original poster
talcyone · 22/03/2007 16:19

I totally agree kitty
And my sd knows that
I told her about my abortion a little while ago, during sex ed bonding session.
If it wern't for that attitude i would have a 19 year old now.
I have to take responsibility for my decision, but it was swayed hugely by negative attitudes.

OP posts:
Original poster
talcyone · 22/03/2007 16:20

Saying that, i would too be disappointed if my dd's had teen pg's.

OP posts:
EllieG · 22/03/2007 16:47

Sorry to butt in, but have been reading with interest...
I feel quite sorry for your SD, although she is lucky to have a Step-mum who cares about her as much as you seem to. I work with lots of young people who get themselves into positions like this, generally through low self-esteem, lack of choices and ambition, and although some work out fine, for every one of those there's another 5 who it just seems to be a crying shame that their lives are suddenly so narrow...
I'm not saying a teenage Mum can't be a good Mum, but I don't think she will be if she hasn't given a thought as to how she will support this baby. She has plenty more years to have a child, it's not 'now-or-never' and she will be a much better Mum with a decent education and a mature, stable relationship.

LoveMyGirls · 22/03/2007 17:07

I forgot another 2 of my "regrets"

Having my first child with someone who wanted her as much as me, who cuddled me and talked to my "bump" and got excited when i said she's kicking etc who was there to take over in the night or got excited when she took her first steps, learnt to talk, read etc. I got this with my 2nd dd and i so wished dp was around for all of dd1's firsts and my first pg.

My figure at 16 i was 8 and half stone and gorgeous (if i do say so myself) i'd only just turned into a swan at that age. I'll never look like that again such a shame i've only ever looked how i wanted to look for about 1 yr of my life. i've been battling with my weight and saggyness ever since - i DO CONSOLE MYSELF WITH THE FACT I GAVE UP MY OUTER BEAUTY TO GIVE MY CHILDREN THEIR LIVES!! (oops dd2 pressed keys)

What about appreciating the fact you could go places alone?
toilet
shop
pub
gym
shopping
etc

What about learning to drive? I could never have afforded this if my sdad hadnt become a driving instructor and taught me for free.

LoveMyGirls · 22/03/2007 17:08

oops make that 4 then - i do love my kids honestly and i love my life too but honestly waiting another few years would have been better in an ideal world.

misdee · 22/03/2007 17:17

i do NOT want my dd's to be teenage mums. if we had waited just 3 years, then i very much doubt i would have any children now.

zippitippitoes · 22/03/2007 17:24

once you have children you can't unhave them it is something which continues as a responsibility for life and certainly a very hands on one for a lot of people way past 18 these days

Tortington · 22/03/2007 18:56

my dh said to please tell every one that being a mother is not the most important job in the world.

being the manager of Oldham Athletic is.

Original poster
talcyone · 22/03/2007 19:03
Grin
OP posts:
Blandmum · 22/03/2007 19:04

Custy tell him not to be so bloody daft.

An opthalmologist is the most important job. The one he will need to see after I poke him in the eye for that comment!

edam · 22/03/2007 19:07

MB, being a journalist may not be the most important job, but it does allow me to know how to spell ophthalmologist.

edam · 22/03/2007 19:08

Doh! Should have been ophthalmologist

Blandmum · 22/03/2007 19:09

Pshaw! who cares about a stray P here or there on a parenting website ffs!

nappyaddict · 23/03/2007 09:42

it's sad that she already doesn't expect the relationship to last. if that's the case then why exactly do they want a baby together?

grannycracksopenabottleofwine · 23/03/2007 10:13

i know this may sound unimportant - but one of my biggest regrets at having my first child young is that i've never been able to afford the special things in life for them. if i'd continued my career for about another 5 years, i'd have had well paid work to go back to in between children. knowing they've never been to disneyland, never had a pony, never had big shopping trips, etc, etc, makes me feel like a failure. and i've had to do shit work just to manage, like being a cleaner. tell her that if she can wait til she's got an established career she will be able to give her children so much more